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Newest Member: silenceisnotgold (46036)

User Topic: Found Out the WH Has Secret Storage Unit
DyingInside21
♀ 42860
Member # 42860
Default  Posted: 2:14 PM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know what to think or how to proceed.
I have resorted to snooping through what little my WH leaves around. Stuff I have always had access to but never felt the need to search through. I came across a business card and key code card for a storage unit near his job. I am baffled as to what he could be keeping there. It's an active unit, but I have no idea what could be in there.

He is in IC and has been trying to make progress with me, but it's still so early and I've still got my walls up.

He wants to get together and talk outside of the house. Spend some time with me, something we never did before. It was always about the kids and not each other.
He initiated this and it gave me a twinkle of hope. Now I find this, and I am not sure when to ask him about it. Im also scared shitless about what this means and how long he has had it.

I hate this. I've never been a snooper. I feel so shady doing it but I feel like I have to. Im not obsessing, but Im asking questions and he is giving me surface information. I have to keep asking the same questions over and over in order to get the whole truth. So I figured I'd look for other information that I could find so I could do my own investigation. Ugh!!! I feel sick. Cant imagine that this could get worse.
Hoping it's nothing, but hate that dreaded feeling...


BS (me) - 39 yo
WH - 45 yo
Together 16 years
Married 5 years
DS 9 yo; DS 7 yo
D-Day 3/20/14
EA: 5 years turned into PA: 2 years with OW.
WH - In IC
BS - In IC; Pursuing MC

Posts: 71 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: So California
confused615
♀ 30826
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 2:19 PM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't ask him about it.

Go there now and see what is in it.

If you confront him, he will lie..and he will clear it out and you will never know what was in there.

If you don't know about it..then you absolutely need to find out what is in there.

With his LTA..and your dday being very recent..PLEASE do NOT tell him you found this. Just go see what's in it. He doesn't sound as if he is remorseful...you need to protect yourself.

Knowledge is power.

[This message edited by confused615 at 2:20 PM, April 9th (Wednesday)]


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciled.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 8085 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
Butterfly24
♀ 39053
Member # 39053
Default  Posted: 2:22 PM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with the above poster, since you have the key code, go see for yourself what's in it.

Posts: 64 | Registered: Apr 2013
Cascade
♀ 28774
Member # 28774
Default  Posted: 2:24 PM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Agreed, go to the unit asap. Otherwise who knows, he could take things out or have a friend do it before you get a chance to see. Ugh, even if it is nothing, what a horrible feeling…. Huge hugs.

Posts: 89 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Tampa, FL
justasinger
♂ 43031
Member # 43031
Default  Posted: 2:28 PM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If I found this about my WSO, I would go to the unit, then text her telling her where I was and that I was opening it. May not be the best thing to do, but that's just me.


BSO -me 38
WSO - her 30
2x DD ages 6 and 4
D-day #1 APR08 (supposed ONS w/OM)
D-day #2 1JAN13 2x ONS w/OM and OW, and a ONS
D-day #3 22APR14 (admitted to another ONS that she didn't fess up to during DDay #2)

Posts: 164 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: New England
tushnurse
♀ 21101
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 2:29 PM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

TAke a lock/bolt cutter with you. Do you know what that is, or what it looks like?

YOU ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO GO SEE WHAT'S IN THERE FIRST.
Then you confront.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8898 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Tearsoflove
♀ 8271
Member # 8271
Default  Posted: 2:34 PM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree that you need to go see what's in it but you need to bring someone with you. Do not go alone. You don't know what you are going to find and how it is going to affect you emotionally. It could be nothing but it might be something major. Please take a friend or family member you trust.


"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand." ~Homer Simpson


Posts: 4306 | Registered: Sep 2005
DyingInside21
♀ 42860
Member # 42860
Default  Posted: 2:36 PM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What's frustrating is that it may be a while before I can get to it. He works 100 miles from our home and I couldn't make it there and back in time to pick up my kids from school if I did it during the week. If there was traffic or an accident it would be too late.
I have no one to watch my kids but him.

My wheels are turning now as I figure out what to do.
I will hold onto the information for now.
I agree, I should keep it to myself until I know, but it's killing me that it's so far away and I cant satisfy my curiosity NOW!!!
I can get bolt cutters to get inside. If only I had found this last week when I was up there visiting my mom. Ugh!!!!!

Thanks everyone!


BS (me) - 39 yo
WH - 45 yo
Together 16 years
Married 5 years
DS 9 yo; DS 7 yo
D-Day 3/20/14
EA: 5 years turned into PA: 2 years with OW.
WH - In IC
BS - In IC; Pursuing MC

Posts: 71 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: So California
brokenblackbird
♀ 29541
Member # 29541
Default  Posted: 2:38 PM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Before you break open the lock with a bolt cutter find out if the unit is in your husband's name. Is it HIS unit or someone else's? Just because he has a code for it, doesn't mean its his.

This is for sure something to investigate further. Be careful though.


Posts: 857 | Registered: Sep 2010
tushnurse
♀ 21101
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 2:39 PM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

doesn't kids school have aftercare?
Is there another mom that can watch them for you?
What would you do if it were an emergency, say your mom needed you immediately?
Treat it as such, and go tomorrow.

Seriously. I would also recommend taking someone you trust with you, friend, sibling etc.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8898 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
confused615
♀ 30826
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 2:44 PM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree. Treat this an an emergency.

Can you take the kids to visit your mom after school and go to the storage unit while they're with her? Call off work?

I know this will sound odd...but you may have struck gold. So many of us BS's wonder what their WS is hiding from us..you have just stumbled on what may be the answer to many of your questions.

Husbands don't get secret storage units for no reason.


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciled.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 8085 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
ncharge
♀ 42365
Member # 42365
Default  Posted: 2:46 PM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I agree with everybody. Find out what is in there BEFORE you say anything to WS. It is important enought to make this a priority.

Posts: 123 | Registered: Feb 2014
meplusfour
♀ 38958
Member # 38958
Default  Posted: 2:48 PM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bring a camera to document what you find.

Sending you strength.


BW (me)42
WH 44
3 daughters, 1 son
Married 10 years, together 13
DDay 3/14/2013, four year PA
In R
"Sometimes you have to accept the fact that certain things will never go back to the way they used to be."

Posts: 399 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Canada
DyingInside21
♀ 42860
Member # 42860
Default  Posted: 2:49 PM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know for a fact it's in his name. As as soon as I found it I called the location and made up a story and she verified whose name it was in.
That's how I knew it was an active unit and not a closed one.

I don't have after school care for my kids. It's not free and it has to be set up in advance. Too many details, but not something that is doable.
In an emergency, my WH is my out. If he's at work, I can take off and he comes home to take the kids. Or I bring them with me, drop them off at his station and he deals. I may be able to have someone else watch them, but they have after school activities that only I can take them to. If I make this too "emergency" like, he will suspect something. Im a horrible liar. Ironic, right??

Trust me, I have gone over so many scenarios in my head to get down there ASAP. Still thinking.


BS (me) - 39 yo
WH - 45 yo
Together 16 years
Married 5 years
DS 9 yo; DS 7 yo
D-Day 3/20/14
EA: 5 years turned into PA: 2 years with OW.
WH - In IC
BS - In IC; Pursuing MC

Posts: 71 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: So California
confused615
♀ 30826
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 2:59 PM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can you go while they're at school?


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciled.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 8085 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
ajsmom
♀ 17460
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 3:01 PM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thread VERY carefully here.

I have a storage unit.

The keycode only gets you onto the compound, not into the unit. My compound is fenced in and under surveillance 24/7 by on grounds staff and digital cameras.

I have a signed lease with the company - in my name ONLY. It has it's own padlock to which I have both keys. The storage company does not have a key.

As the lease is between me and them, if anyone were to break into it - especially using the passcode - it would be considered burglary. Heck, it might even be a felony.

My suggestion is to confront him and demand he take you there to see what's in it.

His answer alone to that question should quell your uncertainty about his real intentions.


AJ's MOM


Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!


Posts: 21118 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
Jeaniegirl
♀ 6370
Member # 6370
Default  Posted: 3:03 PM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know of one instance where the cheater rented a storage unit and put a bed in it -- along with a small fan for air circulation and he used it to meet up with his AP. Cheap hotel. Not saying your H is doing this, but I HAVE heard of it.


"Because I deserve better"

Posts: 1041 | Registered: Feb 2005
confused615
♀ 30826
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 3:05 PM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

^^ajsmom made a good point.

I wouldn't confront him at home though. I would drive him to the storage unit, with the key code in my pocket..when we got there I would tell him to either open it..or he has to move out.

If he refuses..then you are better off knowing now that he is still hiding shit, than after you have "r'd" for a few years.

[This message edited by confused615 at 3:06 PM, April 9th (Wednesday)]


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciled.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 8085 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
DyingInside21
♀ 42860
Member # 42860
Default  Posted: 3:06 PM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OMG, AJsMom,

Thank you!!

See this is why I post here before acting. I don't want that kind of drama.
Okay, so then should I tell the therapist about my discovery and see what she suggests or just confront him and see how this goes?


BS (me) - 39 yo
WH - 45 yo
Together 16 years
Married 5 years
DS 9 yo; DS 7 yo
D-Day 3/20/14
EA: 5 years turned into PA: 2 years with OW.
WH - In IC
BS - In IC; Pursuing MC

Posts: 71 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: So California
ShiningAutumn8
42558
Member # 42558
Default  Posted: 3:31 PM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Most definitely the keycode on the business card is just to get onto the premises. Everyone keeps their own keys for their specific unit.

Im thinking, it sprobably got furniture in it. Could it be something work related? Do you know how long he has had the unit?

I'm just thinking it is probably something secretive and possibly related to his affair, but honestly what could it really be that would be so torried and horrendous?

I just don't see what one could do with a storage unit (other than if he was buying/storing stuff for OW or like PP said using it as a motel which sounds very low rent)

My guess. Its either something benign, work related, or hes storing stuff for OW.

Id confront, gauge his reaction, make him take you out there and show you. Bring it up at therapy.


Posts: 629 | Registered: Feb 2014
Topic Posts: 168
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