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t/j social time

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norabird posted 4/9/2014 14:58 PM

Seeing others talk about cutting back on their social time has got me thinking.

Do you feel you need more interaction in your life, or less? If you want to cut back, why?

In college, I was pretty much a loner. I was not comfortable or confident enough to make friends but I enjoyed doing things solo--attending cultural events, reading, taking long walks. I was pretty happy but not socially nourished.

After college I slowly learned how to build friendships. Now I have so many that I am so thankful for! And I love keeping up those connections and staying busy, so most of my nights are full.

Since Dday, the nights with my exWBF were replaced with nights with friends--no downtime at all, just distraction, commiseration, company. As time has gone on I've realized I need more solo decompression to process (now that it won't just crush me to be left alone with it). I'm stepping back from going out when I feel emotionally overwhelmed. And I'm trying to be more financially self-sufficient which I'm realizing will mean saying 'no' more in favor of not doing x or y or z activity that would involve spending money.

I feel like I'm re-evaluating some things and searching for that delicate balancing point, and am curious about where others are on this journey.

Lonelygirl10 posted 4/9/2014 15:42 PM

I think it's good to be busy as long as you're not doing things to fill a void. I reached a point where I felt like I was going out with friends because I had to rather than wanted to. So I spent some weekends alone. Now, I have more fun when I choose to make myself social.

Crescita posted 4/9/2014 16:13 PM

I've also gone from loner to socially over extended.

Some days I really want to cut back, it gets exhausting and I can't keep up with housework. Then I think, am I going to wish I had more time for laundry on my death bed? Seriously though, I'm rather petrified to cut back. What if I do and it's feast or famine?

phmh posted 4/9/2014 19:06 PM

I'm this big walking contradiction.

I have high traits of introversion and extroversion. I'm probably an extroverted introvert as I thrive in social settings, have a ton of friends and acquaintances, talk to random strangers, etc., but also love nothing more than curling up with a book or knitting a scarf in front of the TV. I recharge by being alone, but I also crave human interaction.

When I was married, I almost never did anything as he had no friends and hated everyone so never wanted to go in public. For a bit, I was totally making up for lost time. There were months that would go by where I would have something going on every day after work and 1-3 things each weekend day. Perhaps I was running away from something, but I see it as finally being free and making up for lost time.

I still sometimes have a hard time saying no to invitations because things sound so exciting!

But I realize that I (and my parrots) do best when I have a couple of nights at home after work. I have consciously trying to make this happen for the past few months.

Sad in AZ posted 4/9/2014 20:23 PM

I'm extremely introverted and don't do anything other than work, exercise, craft, and sleep. The last time I talked myself into doing anything remotely social, I got into a shitload of trouble, so I don't have much impetus to change things.

I do have very good friends, but they live several hours away. I'm closer now than I was out west, but I only see them every few months. I work essentially alone I'm a supervisor and only my staff are working during the hours I'm there, so no chance to make friends at work. Several people have piqued my interest at meetups, but they're much younger, so I don't have a lot of hope there.

I'm OK with this most of the time, so that's a plus.

Nature_Girl posted 4/9/2014 22:17 PM

I'm being very deliberate in rebuilding my life, including my social activities. I was fully socially isolated before. That's just not good or healthy, and I want to model good things for my kids. I'm trying to cultivate individual friendships (Hi Gypsy!) as well as become a participant in group activities. It's a slow process for me because I want to do it right.

fireproof posted 4/9/2014 22:37 PM

I think enjoying yourself is key. We all have been through so much that what we could or did tolerate before is near impossible now.

That being said I think you stretch a bit and see. I am one of those who are socially active but an introvert. It depends on how you get energized.

I am trying to cut back because I am tired. Decide for you- you will know trust me

PurpleRose posted 4/9/2014 23:05 PM

Nothing much has changed for me since the D- I was involved in a book group, had a monthly bunco game, a dinner party group, block parties, etc...

Now I just have new groups of friends that have been added to my calendar- a group of single ladies all newly divorced in my neighborhood get together to go dancing once every month or so. We do lunches sometimes too.

And now that I am dating someone, I am super busy All The Time. The only difference is now I actually go out with my SO- whereas before the Doosh never wanted to go do anything that wasn't "his" thing.

Love my new life so much more, I feel so much more fulfilled even though I am always on the go. :)

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