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Newest Member: Alleycats (61167)

User Topic: t/j social time
♀ 42092
Member # 42092
Question  Posted: 2:58 PM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Seeing others talk about cutting back on their social time has got me thinking.

Do you feel you need more interaction in your life, or less? If you want to cut back, why?

In college, I was pretty much a loner. I was not comfortable or confident enough to make friends but I enjoyed doing things solo--attending cultural events, reading, taking long walks. I was pretty happy but not socially nourished.

After college I slowly learned how to build friendships. Now I have so many that I am so thankful for! And I love keeping up those connections and staying busy, so most of my nights are full.

Since Dday, the nights with my exWBF were replaced with nights with friends--no downtime at all, just distraction, commiseration, company. As time has gone on I've realized I need more solo decompression to process (now that it won't just crush me to be left alone with it). I'm stepping back from going out when I feel emotionally overwhelmed. And I'm trying to be more financially self-sufficient which I'm realizing will mean saying 'no' more in favor of not doing x or y or z activity that would involve spending money.

I feel like I'm re-evaluating some things and searching for that delicate balancing point, and am curious about where others are on this journey.

Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4324 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
♀ 39850
Member # 39850
Default  Posted: 3:42 PM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think it's good to be busy as long as you're not doing things to fill a void. I reached a point where I felt like I was going out with friends because I had to rather than wanted to. So I spent some weekends alone. Now, I have more fun when I choose to make myself social.

Posts: 1758 | Registered: Jul 2013
♀ 32616
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 4:13 PM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've also gone from loner to socially over extended.

Some days I really want to cut back, it gets exhausting and I can't keep up with housework. Then I think, am I going to wish I had more time for laundry on my death bed? Seriously though, I'm rather petrified to cut back. What if I do and it's feast or famine?

“Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue.” ― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning

Posts: 3640 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
♀ 34146
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 7:06 PM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm this big walking contradiction.

I have high traits of introversion and extroversion. I'm probably an extroverted introvert as I thrive in social settings, have a ton of friends and acquaintances, talk to random strangers, etc., but also love nothing more than curling up with a book or knitting a scarf in front of the TV. I recharge by being alone, but I also crave human interaction.

When I was married, I almost never did anything as he had no friends and hated everyone so never wanted to go in public. For a bit, I was totally making up for lost time. There were months that would go by where I would have something going on every day after work and 1-3 things each weekend day. Perhaps I was running away from something, but I see it as finally being free and making up for lost time.

I still sometimes have a hard time saying no to invitations because things sound so exciting!

But I realize that I (and my parrots) do best when I have a couple of nights at home after work. I have consciously trying to make this happen for the past few months.

Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

Character is destiny

Posts: 4445 | Registered: Dec 2011
Sad in AZ
♀ 24239
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 8:23 PM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm extremely introverted and don't do anything other than work, exercise, craft, and sleep. The last time I talked myself into doing anything remotely social, I got into a shitload of trouble, so I don't have much impetus to change things.

I do have very good friends, but they live several hours away. I'm closer now than I was out west, but I only see them every few months. I work essentially alone I'm a supervisor and only my staff are working during the hours I'm there, so no chance to make friends at work. Several people have piqued my interest at meetups, but they're much younger, so I don't have a lot of hope there.

I'm OK with this most of the time, so that's a plus.

You are important and you matter. Your feelings matter. Your voice matters. Your story matters. Your life matters. Always.

Me: FBS (no longer betrayed nor a spouse)-62
Him: WXH-62
D-day: 2007 (two years before finding SI)
S: 6/2010; D: 3/2011

Posts: 25300 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Arizona
♀ 32554
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 10:17 PM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm being very deliberate in rebuilding my life, including my social activities. I was fully socially isolated before. That's just not good or healthy, and I want to model good things for my kids. I'm trying to cultivate individual friendships (Hi Gypsy!) as well as become a participant in group activities. It's a slow process for me because I want to do it right.

Me = BS
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!

Posts: 10722 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
♀ 36126
Member # 36126
Default  Posted: 10:37 PM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think enjoying yourself is key. We all have been through so much that what we could or did tolerate before is near impossible now.

That being said I think you stretch a bit and see. I am one of those who are socially active but an introvert. It depends on how you get energized.

I am trying to cut back because I am tired. Decide for you- you will know trust me

Posts: 1563 | Registered: Jul 2012
♀ 33129
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 11:05 PM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nothing much has changed for me since the D- I was involved in a book group, had a monthly bunco game, a dinner party group, block parties, etc...

Now I just have new groups of friends that have been added to my calendar- a group of single ladies all newly divorced in my neighborhood get together to go dancing once every month or so. We do lunches sometimes too.

And now that I am dating someone, I am super busy All The Time. The only difference is now I actually go out with my SO- whereas before the Doosh never wanted to go do anything that wasn't "his" thing.

Love my new life so much more, I feel so much more fulfilled even though I am always on the go. :)

divorced the Dooosh 8/13
Dance like nobody is watching,
Text and email like it will be used in court someday...

Posts: 3870 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
Topic Posts: 8

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