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IC and full transparency

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LivingLearning posted 4/9/2014 15:44 PM

My Wbf has done a good job of doing what he can to support me while I am routinely triggering from being away. He takes pictures of himself, answers his phone within a couple minutes of me calling, texts me regularly, skypes every other night until bed time, has a gps on him at all times, and been very transparent. All things that make me thankful for a WS that wants to do to whatever I need to to make me feel safe. This absolutely does not undermine the effects of the A. But he is proving he is remorseful and realizes he made a large mistake and hopefully it is a one time mistake.
Anyways... he went to IC and told me a little bit about his conversation with the IC. By the sounds of it, his IC was very cautious about all of this and she seemed shocked that someone would give up so much privacy. Nonetheless, he came out of IC completely happy and proud of himself for everything he does for me and how much it shows that he loves me and cares for me and wants to do everything to make me feel safe. However, I have a feeling that the IC thinks it is too much (based on what he told me). She actually told my WS that she wants to talk to me when I get back in town. I thought that was strange. From an outsiders view, the amount of transparency we expect seems very controlling and out of line. However, it is what we need to feel safe. I am worried that I am going to have to defend myself in my want for him to be completely transparent, have gps on him, etc. I know over time all of this will decrease with time, and as he builds trust, I will be checking things less. Did your ICs agree with your expectation of full transparency?

Allornothing posted 4/9/2014 19:28 PM

Mine did, as did WH's.

WH's IC told him that without full transparency, for as long as I needed it, we would and could not recover. WH was told that I owed him nothing, and that since he was the one who decided that harming our marriage was a good idea, I was driving the bus when it came to repairing it.

In a nutshell, he was told "What AON says, goes"

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