So why the fuck have I been so worried about how he'll feel with the divorce and him having to pay CS and with having to move out? He made this fucking bed I didn't. Not to mention besides being an ass to me and making a mess he is just always yelling at DS who is only 21mos and making him cry and we think it's making his autism spectrum stuff worse or maybe even causing it. And he hardly spends any time with him and ignores him while he works and exercises and cooks. He was helping out when I work every other weekend but only a few hours in the evening (rest covered by nanny) cause he goes to the gym. Now he has started doing Kung fu on Sundays and wants the nanny to cover that too. So basically he barely helps with childcare and when he does care for DS he traumatizes him.
I'm starting to think if I get my default granted in which I put move away privileges I will be the ultimate bitch and take DS back down to SoCal to be with family.
[This message edited by careerlady at 12:58 AM, April 10th (Thursday)]
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is all you have left"
So why the fuck have I been so worried about how he'll feel with the divorce and him having to pay CS and with having to move out?
You're REALLY worried about this selfish, child abuser?!!
Several of your posts describe examples of him yelling, berating, ignoring, neglecting, scolding, and "half-dragging" your innocent 21 month old son.
Maybe you have explained it and I missed it, but WHY are you still living with this self absorbed monster?
D in California takes 6 months. I'm assuming that since you've filed default divorce, child abuser has no L. What does YOUR L say is the time frame with default divorce? What happens if child abuser decides to get counsel at the last minute? Then D would take longer?
My dear, you need to get your son away from the toxic environment in which you now live. You know it could be the cause of his autism. You know it is crucial to further development. He's living with a mother who is overwhelmed physically and emotionally and a father who is disinterested and abusive. There is no peace in the home, only tension and resentment. You KNOW what this is doing to him.
Stop trying to "find your bitch boots." Please....put on your Mama Bear coat and protect your baby cub. Talk to your L about removing the Snake from your home NOW.
[This message edited by one2ndchance at 10:59 AM, April 10th (Thursday)]
It's hard to see the road ahead if you're always looking in the rear view mirror.
Unlike many here on SI, it sounds like you have the financial ability to get the hell out of Dodge.
So, then - DO IT!
[This message edited by ajsmom at 11:32 AM, April 10th (Thursday)]
"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 33 - Yikes!
Besides, I don't have enough on the Snake to deny him visitation (cause nothing really physical) even if I did move out of my own house and he is hardly around.
He is effecting your son at a crucial time developmentally. Seriously his abuse of him may alter his ability to trust men throughout his entire life. I would tell him you would happily increase the Nanny time to keep his sick psychotic ass away from your baby.
Do you have any evidence of this abuse? I would get some, a nannycam may prove more helpful in life than anything. This sick fuck doesn't deserve to spend time with your wonderful beautiful baby boy.
I kicked my ex out and I had no job, no family and I was 3 months pregnant with a 15 month old. You're in a better situation than a lot of people. Start acting!
"If only I can fight just a little longer, I know it's gonna make me stronger" Jamie Grace-Holding on.
If my husband 1/2 dragged my dog up or down the stairs and I heard a whimper, I would kick the ever loving snot out of him. A toddler??? I would probably go to jail.
The abuse is mainly emotional with yelling. I have a nanny cam but he's not doing anything violent (the pulling on him down the stairs wasn't violent either) and I don't know that the yelling gets me anywhere. I even complained at DS's pediatrics appointment in front of him and the pediatrician said "it's not constructive" but that honestly they tell in his house too
So I kind of feel stuck until get my judgement unless someone has an idea I'm not seeing?
Does snake have a lawyer? If he doesn't (and that's why you're filing default), what's to stop him from not accepting the judgement? What's to stop him from getting the judgement, saying he doesn't like it, and then hiring a lawyer to fight you. You could be stuck in that house with him for at least another year, if not longer, especially since your L didn't include exclusive use of the home. (How did that get overlooked?)
Have the 2 of you already worked out some sort of agreement on the finances and custody?
If it's the money from the house that he only wants, is there a way you could get a loan to buy him out, or offer to make payments to him. Of COURSE, these would count as reimbursement ( Watts and Epstein) credits as it is still his responsibility to contribute his share of the expenses of home and child care.
The abuse is mainly emotional with yelling. I have a nanny cam but he's not doing anything violent (the pulling on him down the stairs wasn't violent either)
I say this with concern.....sometimes when we are around something that is VERY WRONG, we become desensitized to the deleterious effect it has. We say to ourselves, "It's not that bad" or "It doesn't happen all the time." or "It could be worse. It isn't PHYSICAL abuse."
You seem like a very nice woman. Your job entails caring for others. You are a healer. You look for the good. But make no mistake...the way snake treats his son IS abusive, and just because there is no proof, doesn't mean it can't be used as an argument to kick him out. Talk to your lawyer again. Explain your fear of how this is affecting your son. Call child protective services. Talk to them about your situation and how this is affecting your son. Talking to your pediatrician isn't enough. He won't do anything.
I know what you're thinking....it isn't THAT bad. And you're worried how snake will react if you pursue this. Stop thinking like that. IT IS BAD.
If you can't find a way to buy him out, use his verbal emotional abuse on your son to get him out.
He doesn't have a lawyer. He hasn't done anything. He refuses to work out an agreement on anything. But he would probably get a lawyer if I illegally changed the locks. He has had months to oppose the default. If he fights it I will apply for and get within 30 days the exclusive use of the house. The reason it's not in the judgement is that I did the initial paperwork myself thinking he would respond and didn't include that originally so it can't be added to the petition. However it does list the house as separate property to confirm to me (as well as a plan to pay him back) and his name is not on the deed so I'm thinking if I serve him with eviction papers I should be able to get him out with just that.
I'm not saying it's not bad but it's not bad enough to get sole custody or anything. I have looked into it extensively and found that I can't get him lower than every other weekend visitation unless he does physical harm. CPS doesn't usually even act in cases of violence as I've learned in the ER. I just got them out of my life after a long inquiry where they thought my son's injuries in falling off the bed were due to shaken baby syndrome. I can't afford to call them again, not yet.
The bottom line for all avenues I've pursued is I need to get my judgement first. Anything else would delay everything. And that yelling isn't enough in the eyes of the court. No one that matters cares