What you are feeling is what all of us have either felt, or still feeling. It's been 4 years post d-day and still things don't feel exactly "right". Almost like constant limbo sometimes. 80% of the time things are good and settled into a good routine, but there are 20% of flashes of "off-ness". Mostly around holidays or anniversaries of some sort. When we are together as a "family", things feel off kilter.
Did you know about someone that had something happen in their life that was devastating? 10 month, a year later…were you still constantly asking them how it was going? Thinking they were "wronged" and should still be hating the person that did that to them? My point is, what is signifiant in your life isn't significant in someone else's. My ex did terrible things to me, but other people were still his friends. It isn't "their world" and you can't hold them in yours.
I hit my really low point about where you are, about 10 months post S, and that is when I got into intense IC. People were tired of listening to me and my Mom finally said, "It is about time for you to be over this…".
What really helped me was accepting that what I felt for my ex (loyalty, compassion, security, friendship) is not what he felt for me. The words were the same "I love you", but the meaning behind the words was very different. You will never get into her mind and figure her out. You can't heal her. You don't have to forgive, but you do have to accept. She doesn't think the way you do.
I was also creative and the mojo left. I forced it back to some extent, but it never fully returned. It is somehow tied to my stress level and emotional safety. I did some creative purging (vented onto canvas) and that did help. I just haven't returned to it as a comfort. I've replaced it with new creative things, I guess.
Part of it is just surviving. It takes a long time to get over trauma. The beginning, and you are still in the beginning, is.just.survivng. I was about 1 year post S and 15ish months post d-day before I felt true lightness and happiness again. I will never forget that moment, standing in my kitchen, laughing honestly with my kids about something…and I felt peace.
If you aren't in IC, start. It is good to simply talk to someone. Second, what you are feeling is normal. Come on SI and talk it out. Listen to other stories and learn how other people healed.