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Topic: NC with Friends or Family

Matilda23
♀ 42807
Member # 42807

Posted: 9:51 AM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014

Dear Friend,
As you know, I am going through a very difficult time in my life. For the past few months, I have distanced myself away from everyone in order for me to self-reflect and learn about myself. It did not take me very long to realize I am not happy and no one can make me happy. Happiness comes from within and right now I am searching for it. I portrayed my life as very put together and very perfect, when in all actuality, it is not. Behind closed doors, I am very broken and so not perfect. I am just a child still hiding from the hurt and pain that has been caused in my life. The past has created who I am today, but I will not let the past dictate who I want to be and who I will be in the future; a strong, smart, beautiful, worthy woman.
We grew up together and have shared many adventures together. I will always cherish those memories we have. Your friendship also has shaped me into who I am today. However, in order for me to change and continue on a healthy path, I must disconnect myself from those who may harm me. Sadly, I have come to a realization, that our relationship is very unhealthy and I cannot continue our friendship. I hope one day you will understand why I have chosen this path and learn to grow from it yourself. I know you are a strong young lady and one day I hope you too, can start your journey to find true happiness.

Love Always,
Matilda23

Today, I sent out this letter to one of my best friends. It hurt, but it needed to be done. I am working very hard to become a healthy, healed, and happy woman. It has made me realize this will not be the last letter that I will have to write. I will have to write a few more to those who are not friends of the relationship. Some to my family because they are triggers to me and are the ones who have caused the pain that I have held in for 23 years of my life. This is my first step to healing, removing the negativity out of my life.

I was wondering has anyone else had to remove the people you love out of your life because you were healing?

WGF - 24
BBF - MercilesslyNuked, 30
DDay 1 - 1/6/14
DDay 2 - 1/23/14

I Am Strong! I Am Beautiful! I Am Smart! I Am Worthy!

[italic]Dear Friend,

As you know, I am going through a very difficult time in my life.  For the past few months, I have distanced myself away from everyone in order for me to self-reflect and learn about myself.  It did not take me very long to realize I am not happy and no one can make me happy.  Happiness comes from within and right now I am searching for it.  I portrayed my life as very put together and very perfect, when in all actuality, it is not.  Behind closed doors, I am very broken and so not perfect.  I am just a child still hiding from the hurt and pain that has been caused in my life.  The past has created who I am today, but I will not let the past dictate who I want to be and who I will be in the future; a strong, smart, beautiful, worthy woman.

We grew up together and have shared many adventures together.  I will always cherish those memories we have.  Your friendship also has shaped me into who I am today.  However, in order for me to change and continue on a healthy path, I must disconnect myself from those who may harm me.  Sadly, I have come to a realization, that our relationship is very unhealthy and I cannot continue our friendship.  I hope one day you will understand why I have chosen this path and learn to grow from it yourself. I know you are a strong young lady and one day I hope you too, can start your journey to find true happiness.

Love Always, 
Matilda23[/italic]

Today, I sent out this letter to one of my best friends.  It hurt, but it needed to be done.  I am working very hard to become a healthy, healed, and happy woman. It has made me realize this will not be the last letter that I will have to write.  I will have to write a few more to those who are not friends of the relationship.  Some to my family because they are triggers to me and are the ones who have caused the pain that I have held in for 23 years of my life.  This is my first step to healing, removing the negativity out of my life.

I was wondering has anyone else had to remove the people you love out of your life because you were healing?

Posts: 131 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Colorado

Wayflost
♀ 41583
Member # 41583

Posted: 12:43 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014

Matilda

Simple answer? Yes. I have not yet fully extricated myself from my FOO, but it is coming. It has to.

Very recently an ultimatum of sorts was handed to me by my BH - "it's [him] or [my] mom." My relationship with my mum is extremely toxic. And I'm very conflicted about cutting her out of my life completely. I know I have to. I don't know if it has to be permanent or not. But it's coming.

Congratulations on your courage. Getting rid of the bad can be hard when there is some positive to go along with it. Keep on your journey.

"Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly."

Posts: 756 | Registered: Dec 2013

rachelc
♀ 30314
Member # 30314

Posted: 1:10 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014

yes, I had to break it off with my own sister because everything is drama and a fight with her. I just have no room for that in my life. I miss her, and her little 6 year old girl, but I just can't have it in my life.
I'm also re-evaluating a couple friends. One is so self-absorbed, everything is about her, The other just isn't giving me the support I think a friend should. If you're gonna be a friend BE A FRIEND. As i get healthier and see how other friends in my life act, I am choosing their company more and more, and they mine.
This is difficult, as I have posted before that i want many people in my corner, doesn't matter who they are, but now I want quality. People whose values are more like my own.
So hard to make your circle smaller after what we've been through but I wonder if that makes an opening for someone else? a better friend to come through?

Posts: 7613 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest

Darkness Falls
♀ 27879
Member # 27879

Posted: 5:30 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014

I have cut certain friends out, who knew about and didn't discourage the A.

I'm lucky in that my blood family is friends of the relationship and repudiated the affair when it came out---I could never cut them out of my life---all I have left are my mother and my brother. Thank God they are solid and supportive and not toxic.

WS, 5-month EA/PA '09-'10

Divorced and remarried to XBH

First child (daughter) born February 2016

Posts: 3507 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: Central Florida

Skan
♀ 35812
Member # 35812

Posted: 6:45 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014

You know, people come into and out of your life for a reason, I believe. Sometimes, that reason isn't anything to do with you it's their journey. I've had to say goodbye to quite a few people in my life. Part of my releasing ritual, is to remember what I've learned from them, good or bad, wish them well, and pray that they learn whatever lessons they have yet to learn. Then turn, and close the door. (((hugs)))

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012

Posts: 7624 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California

cinnamongurl
♀ 37879
Member # 37879

Posted: 6:18 PM, April 12th (Saturday), 2014

Yes. I have definitely cut out a bunch of people, and also have had others cut me out. It's tough adjusting to such a change, but it is necessary to heal.

Me: 38 fWSO He: 37 fBSO and my heart
Together 20 years. "Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it." Tori Amos

Posts: 598 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: by the sea

Topic Posts: 6

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