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Setting Boundaries should not be this hard

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Lola2kids posted 4/10/2014 12:18 PM

I am coming up on 3 years since Dday.
He moved out about 2 1/2 years ago.

I still get mail addressed to him.

I told him that he had until the end of April to change the address and after that it would be sent back return to sender.

Felt great to do that.
My IC applaluded.

Then I get registered mail at my house addressed to his parents. They have not lived at my house for over 2 years. I just happened to be home sick and in the delirium I signed for the letters. Turns out it was their passports.
I held on to them until DA had the balls to ask about them.
I told him he could no longer use my address for his parents. They have an address (just a recent development) or they could use his address or even his mother's half brother. Why does he continue to use my address for his parents?
His only response was: "I didn't think it was a big deal."
I told him to cease and desist.

Last night I get a text that he needs my help for something.
Holy shit, you have to be kidding me!
Originally before Dday, his condo was purchased under my name so that his parents could live there. I signed a quit claim deed after he moved in there to remove myself from the property. Unfortunately, there was a utility bill that was in my name and somehow his AOL account is still in my name with his address. He is still with AOL and has had to change his modem twice in the 2 years he has lived there.
They sent him the new modem through FedEX with, you guessed it, my name and his address. He can't pick up the package.
He wanted me to send a picture of my driver's licence. But it has MY address not his.
I told him that it's been almost 3 years and I'm tired of this. Get it straightened out. Get my name off stuff. I'm not helping him anymore.
I asked him when do I get to move on from all of this? I don't involve him with my business so why does he assume I am waiting to help him out whenever?

I asked him "when was the last time I asked you for a favour?"
He couldn't answer because I don't and never will.

I think he is finally getting the idea that I am not here to help him or bail him out of these situations that are his own fault for being lazy and procrastinating (It's not a big deal) and assuming I will just help him out.

I didn't hear from him for a while and sent a text saying, "I guess you got the package without my help or signature then?"

He sends back: "Does it matter?"

Nope it really doesn't.

[This message edited by Lola2kids at 8:45 PM, April 10th (Thursday)]

Merlin posted 4/10/2014 13:17 PM

The amount of personal information on a driver's license is reason enough to NEVER use it for identification unless asked for it by a law enforcement officer.

No good can come from sharing this, especially with someone you do not trust.

I use my passport instead of my DL.

And my ex will get neither.

I still get mail addressed to my ex and I've been divorced since January 2011. It goes in the trash.

finallymefirst posted 4/10/2014 18:14 PM

"I didn't think it was a big deal"

These people make my brain hurt.

devistatedmom posted 4/10/2014 19:40 PM

It shouldn't be this hard Lola. have set the boundary now. No more mail after the end of the month, or it will be sent back. You have told him, and you will do it.

It's really all about them. They want to be with their schmoopies, but they don't want anything else to change. They really think we should just be happy they have a new love, and look after anything else they want us to, because, hey, that's what we should do!

Hopefully you are "running out" of things that need boundaries set. Hopefully he will disappear for a trip again soon. He's useless.

Lola2kids posted 4/10/2014 20:44 PM

I still get mail addressed to my ex and I've been divorced since January 2011. It goes in the trash.

Yikes Merlin. That's a long time to still get mail.

Hopefully you are "running out" of things that need boundaries set.

Oh I hope so too, DM, so much.

MissMouseMo posted 4/10/2014 23:35 PM

"He sends back: 'Does it matter?' " it turns out it doesn't matter AND the mail forwarding deadline got moved up to TODAY.

Toss everything from here on out.

<malevolent laughter here>

(Sorry. Feeling a little "unhelpful" tonight.)

Lola2kids posted 4/11/2014 07:17 AM


I did accidentally rip open a letter yesterday that I didn't notice was addressed to him. It looks like it could be from a collection agency.

Good thing I have a shredder.

[This message edited by Lola2kids at 7:36 AM, April 11th (Friday)]

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