I'm not sure what advice you are looking for thunderhead, but I wanted to let you know you have been heard. Yes, it's hard, but you can survive it, come out the other side and start your life up better than ever.
It sounds like you weren't married, so no D to do? Then you are on the right track. Just continue with NC. Keep walking. Find something to do to get your mind off of her. For me it was cleaning and exercise. I would get on that treadmill and walk for an hour listening to music. I scrubbed him out of every corner of my house.
The longer you go NC, the less you will think about her, and the quicker you will feel ready to move on. Just keep on going. You will make it. BS(me) 46, Two wonderful teens.
He is no longer my best friend. Repeat until it sticks.
WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.