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Are You Renewing Vows ?

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TheBestMe posted 4/10/2014 13:54 PM

This is from a post in R regarding wedding rings

I don't want to do anything symbolic like renewing vows or the like. I kept my vows - I don't need a do-over

How do you feel about renewing your vows?

simplydevastated posted 4/10/2014 13:58 PM

We thought about it back in 2009 when I thought we were in R. Now that I know otherwise, is not an option at all.

In general, I think it's a nice idea. To reconfirm the couple's commitment to each other.

PositiveAttitude posted 4/10/2014 14:00 PM

You quoted me, so you know my answer. Plus, honestly at this point in R - I couldn't listen to him repeat his vows without vomiting all over him probably!

The other day he was talking about his loyalty to a particular aspect of his life. I asked him to just stop saying how loyal he was in any regard when he couldn't keep his vows to me. I then broke down in tears and it's been months since I've cried.

Yep, not ready to have to hear "forsaking all others" from him.

mchercheur posted 4/10/2014 14:04 PM

I have been married twice, & both husbands cheated on me. I will never take vows with anyone again. Words mean nothing.

Deanna posted 4/10/2014 14:29 PM

My husband wanted to renew vows 6 months after d-day. I wasn't ready. Now that we are four years out I don't feel the need.

twisted posted 4/10/2014 14:29 PM

Renewing vows?
I really don't think she wants to give me a choice as to if I want to marry her all over again.

Kelany posted 4/10/2014 14:37 PM

I thought about it early on in R. Now I still think we have work to do. I don't know if I'd ever really want to. Esp not in front of others. No. Just no.

tearingaway posted 4/10/2014 15:09 PM

No. I stuck with her through all of this BS and the pain through which she put me. I honored my vows. Why do I have to renew anything?

If nothing else, she should have to renew her vows and that would be it!

Besides, I already learned that words mean nothing. If she wants to part her legs again for another man, her "vows" won't keep her from it.

Rebreather posted 4/10/2014 15:40 PM

Zero interest. Those words didn't stick the first time, I have no desire to tempt fate if they will stick a second.

million tears posted 4/10/2014 17:08 PM

No. I will NEVER. During the A I wanted to make plans to renew our vows on our 25th anniversary. I wanted to go to Vegas and get married by "Elvis" He said it was stupid and didn't want to do it. It was so unlike him. We used to love to do silly things like that.

After I found out about the A, he wanted to follow through with my plans. Sorry, sucker. There isn't a chance in hell.

Sleepy312 posted 4/10/2014 17:24 PM

Excuse my language but fuck no!

First it's not my thing. Second, it seems every couple that renews their vows in hindsight always do so trying to prove something to themselves or the people they think they are fooling, and it's almost like a jinx IMO. Those who renew their vows will be divorced soon after.

Just my jaded, bitchy opinion.

beautytoashes5 posted 4/10/2014 18:08 PM

I said my vows when I married my WH. I don't need to renew anything. Absolutely would not renew my vows. Words from him mean nothing to me. Too many years of lies.

sunvalley posted 4/10/2014 18:16 PM

We did this informally at home on New years day at MC's suggestion. It was just us, and MC helped us kind of form what we wanted to say... while it was nice at the time in hindsite it was too soon for me just where I was at emotionally at the time, so I'm thankful we didn't make a big deal and go all out with family/friends around at that point. I would say if you're considering doing it you have to make sure you are fully ready.

Uhtred posted 4/10/2014 18:21 PM

That's a big negative!

Neithan posted 4/10/2014 18:23 PM

She wanted to, I declined. So, 4 months after D-day, on our anniversary when we traditionally relight our wedding candle, she slipped vows in while lighting it.

Didn't do much for me. I'm no longer impressed by or trusting of vows, at least not those. But maybe it helps her...

TheBestMe posted 4/10/2014 20:48 PM

Sorry it took so long to say thank you for the replies.

@PositiveAttitude - It sure was you.

Before DD I wanted to go to Vegas and have a "fake" wedding with Elvis and the back ground singers. My H said there was no way that he'd do that.

After DD H brings up a recommitment ceremony in Vegas and presents it to me like he thought of it.

He did not keep his vows the first time.


brkn_heartd posted 4/10/2014 20:57 PM

My parents renewed at 25 years....he promptly had another A and they divorced at 32 years. We just celebrated our 26 years when my husband had his A. He brought up renewing vows, and I just couldn't do it. We are 4 years out now...starting to think...maybe....We will celebrate our 31 anniversary this year. Maybe after 32 years. There are too many similarities with his A and my Father's A. I don't know what would make the second set any more important than the first set of vows.

Karma is a b@#ch however, my Father married the OW, is miserable. He also wears a pendant like my Mother used to wear (unisex). I know his wife (OW) has no idea of the symbolism of it. He regrets leaving and the OW, he has admitted it, but doesn't want to go through the hassle of a second divorce. So he will live out the rest of his years unhappy with OW.

dameia posted 4/10/2014 23:01 PM

WH wants to. I'm not interested. We are fully on R, but I just don't feel the need to renew our vows. I said the vows the and meant them the first time. I've been true toy vows. He wasn't and he wants a do-over. Not my problem buddy.

NotDefeatedYet posted 4/10/2014 23:15 PM

She pushed it pretty hard at first, but I told her that's her loss to feel guilty over. I didn't crap all over mine, so i don't see a need to renew anything.

RidingHealingRd posted 4/10/2014 23:32 PM

Renewing vows with a cheating spouse, regardless of how remorseful and committed they are...hmmmm??? Never

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