For me, I've found it helps that my IC has met BH and knows a bit about him. He came to 3 or 4 sessions and she mainly spoke to him so she got a good feel for him. It's helped massively with my own IC.
Chin up. Unwavering. Fight. I can do this.
How is it not a conflict of interest to be counselor to one of the parties in a marriage counseling situation?
Her: WW/57 Me: BS/63 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11
I'm of mixed feelings about the IC/MC being the same person. On one hand, it would be convenient as that person would be getting both people POV individually and as a couple. On the other hand, after our MC "graduated" us, I ended up going back to him as an IC because of some almost lethal TT and I don't know that he'd be willing to MC both of us again since my FWH lied to him.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
What my FWH and I did, was to sign an agreement that our ICs and MC could share with each other and if something big came up, could seek each other out if needed.
Same for me. We started MC, and had our MC recommend a IC for me. I understand that might not be standard, but it has worked out OK.
I wouldn't mind BW doing some IC with our MC. That is because her IC in that context would be how to deal with triggers, doubts, all of the problems my A caused. I think that would be appropriate because, IMO, that really is MC -- it's just dealing with half of the M at a time.
At that point I was finally being 100% truthful and we all had a really good chemistry so I dove in. It worked very well for us.
It's not a conflict of interest if the best interest of the individual and the situation are the same. It is a conflict of interest if they are in opposition.
To me in most cases what is best for the individual is also best for the marriage. Unless the relationship is toxic.
At the end of the day you have to decide what you are comfortable with.
My wife and I went to see someone for MC and she suggested that we both go to IC for a while first. I'm done with IC and my wife is still in IC. We are meeting shortly for another MC sessions. All the same woman, but the goals of all the sessions have been the same.
Married 6 years. Dating 10. Living together 8.
If a man took his time on earth
to prove be for he died
what on man's life could be worth
I wonder what would happen to the world
- Harry Chapin