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gypsybird87 posted 4/10/2014 15:54 PM

.... and so far I'm doing pretty good. It's surreal, actually. In a way it seems like yesterday, in others it feels like a lifetime ago.

Mostly I'm trying to focus on the positive that came out of that day, as nuts as that probably sounds. Yes, it was the start of the most painful time in my life, but it was also the end of the second most painful time in my life: The time when I was so confused... when I felt crazy... when I felt helpless.... when I knew he was lying but his gaslighting left me doubting myself instead of him.... when life was a daily battle between the screaming gut, and the heart pleading with it to just shut the fuck up.

All that craziness ended on dday.

My life (MY life!) on hold all the time... waiting for him to call, to come home.... tears and angst as I pleaded with him to spend time with me.... utter sadness as he left anyway, always with something more important to do...

All that patheticness ended on dday.

On dday I got the truth. It was the most painful thing that's ever happened to me, but it was information I needed. That truth freed me from doubting myself. It validated everything I had been thinking and feeling for months. It gave me the strength I needed to confront him, and the true look into his soul that I needed to ultimately let him go and get on with my life. MY life.

Thank you, dday. For giving me what I needed, and setting me free from a man who is broken, and who was and IS never going to change. Thank you for not taking any longer than you did to come along, and for not waiting until I was too lost to find my way back to myself.

SBB posted 4/10/2014 17:32 PM

Ah, friend. I could have written much of your post a year ago.

It hurt to have those shackles removed because I'd been wearing them so long they had dug into my flesh. But they weren't of my flesh. The wounds healed - as have I.

I felt like I was living in some insane bubble of craziness. My gut was screaming at me for years and it was exhausting trying to quieten it. I cannot believe how miserable I allowed myself to become just to stay married to him.

That guy? THAT guy? That's the guy I was fighting to so hard for. Hell.No.

I too was freed on DD. It just took me a while to realise it. I don't even recognise that shell of a woman anymore. I wish I could reach out and hug her and tell her that she is going to be OK. So much more than OK.

[This message edited by SBB at 3:26 AM, April 11th (Friday)]

Nature_Girl posted 4/10/2014 17:36 PM

Excellent perspective & wisdom. (((HUGS)))

Tripletrouble posted 4/10/2014 20:18 PM

((gypsy)). A year can feel like an eternity and a moment in the same day.

norabird posted 4/10/2014 23:49 PM

What a wonderful way to look at it. As always you are inspiring to me gypsybird!

gypsybird87 posted 4/11/2014 01:57 AM

As always you are inspiring to me gypsybird!

Wow, thanks Norabird! You are for me too.

FaithFool posted 4/11/2014 10:15 AM

You're doing great for the first year. So much happened in a short space of time. Give yourself a treat this weekend.