Hi Bridie, my Dday was also in Jan, my WH and I for about 3 weeks did nothing BUT talk about the affair and after that slowly some of life was allowed to creep back in. I'm talking about eating dinner and watching tv for half an hour. It helped that he was on parental leave because we had just had a son, but it has been the focus of our conversations for 85% of the time since Dday.
Are you taking your power back? That was one thing I felt I needed. OW knew where I lived, had been in my car, met my dogs and I felt like they both took all this power from me. So I demanded to know where she lived, what car she drove, where she worked etc, so that I felt I had some of the power back.
My IC said to me, have you been indignant? I had to ask her what she really meant by that, she said, it is looking them in the eyes, coming from a place of strength and saying, you will never treat me this way again, and if you do, these are the consequences, and I will follow through. You sound as though you are letting your WW dictate how this is going to be played out. It is not his decision now, he chucked away the ability to have a choice in how your relationship went when he left it to have an affair. Now he has two choices, your way or the high way. If he won't choose your way then he is not remorseful at all or at least unwilling to take full responsibility for the affair and work his arse off to fix the mess he created!
Sending you strength, god knows all BS need a healthy dose of it every day! You are POWERFUL!! Demand what you need!