Make him do the work. That's part of his healing. Don't hurry yourself along because you feel you now are "obligated" to. Your goal is your own healing and possibly, if its right for you, the restoration of your marriage. Let him do his work and you do yours. And I'll be hoping that he REALLY TRULY has gotten it. (((hugs)))
D-Day, June 10, 2012
Divorced and remarried to XBH
Skan, I completely agree with not jumping on the hallelujah band wagon just yet. I will probably watch and verify for the rest of my life whatever happens. I think I just needed to see there actually some positive stories out there so that I can take that first baby step towards WH and stop working so hard to distrust everything he says, it's tiring and hard work, especially if there is a possibility that I can set a little of the load down and keep working on shedding the rest for however long it takes for us to either R or figure out it's all a lie anyway and D.
HeartBroken, thank you for jumping in from the WS side, you have no reason to lie to me and it is nice to hear that it is possible from your perspective. It makes it harder to believe WS because he has obvious things to lose and knowing and trusting the true motivation behind his words is impossible for now!
It makes it harder to believe WS because he has obvious things to lose and knowing and trusting the true motivation behind his words is impossible for now!
I completely understand this. One of the (if not THE one) reasons my XH believes in me is because I walked the walk even though he divorced me. I'm not telling you to divorce! but I'm just saying that in my situation I know my XH would have had a much different time believing in my changes had we stayed together.
Time and consistency from a WS are the keys, I believe. The longer he proves himself, and the more consistent his actions toward that end, the better. There is no magic fix.