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What should I do?

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ruinedandbroken posted 4/10/2014 19:25 PM

Against my better judgement I asked Assface to switch a weekend with me. I never do this but some friends from out of town will be here and I would like to spend the day at Disney with them and the kids. So I asked him if I could have his weekend in exchange for any other weekend he wanted. This was over a month ago. He responded saying he'd have to think about it. I heard nothing for weeks so I send an email asking him again about 2 weeks ago. No response. I sent another today. No response. I think he's trying to punish me for being NC with him and signing up DS1 for karate without "discussing it with him." So I can't make definite plans because he won't tell me one way or another. I have to cancel the hotel 5 days ahead or I'll get charged. I have to arrange for someone to take care of my dog. If the answer is no then fine, at least I will know. But he won't respond.

What should I do??

devistatedmom posted 4/10/2014 19:57 PM

Unfortunately, he doesn't have to be human and answer you. It sounds like he isn't.

Normally, I would just say assume he isn't going to switch, and make plans as if you won't have the kids that weekend. (I know you want to take them to Disney..but you could still go and see your friends without the kids, as much as it would suck to go to Disney without them.)

BUT...since this involves hotels and expenses, I personally would send him one more email, stating You were hoping he would switch this weekend with you, but if you don't hear from him by 10am tomorrow (or whatever) you will assume he is not going to switch, so him getting another weekend will be off the table. Just so YOU have some kind of deadline to make your plans.

Just remember this in the future when he all of a sudden he has some event and wants you to switch. I don't get why they can't figure out it's a two way street, and one day, it will be them needing you to switch for some event they want to do with out without the kids.

Amazonia posted 4/10/2014 20:03 PM

I would cancel the hotel.

homewrecked2011 posted 4/10/2014 20:10 PM

Can you call him on a work phone or from a phone that doesn't have caller ID? It worked for me, I got him on the phone and he agreed.

Also, bad me, another time, I went on facebook and posted something - I chose who could see it (custom feature) and that was his 2 sisters and his mother (we are all still fb friends). Anyway, I posted how I was really excited to take the kids on a trip but was hoping soon I'd hear back from their Dad soon, but hadn't heard from him yet. I acted like everyone on fb could see it, but in reality only they could. I emailed him again and he said ok. I guess the sisters got on to him for dragging his feet.

They are such jerks. Mine gets huffy also about not "asking" before letting the kids do something.

ruinedandbroken posted 4/10/2014 20:10 PM

Ok. I'll assume that he is not going to switch then and I will remember it for the future for sure.

Should I send him another email stating something like, "I assume from your lack of response that you are not going to switch." or something like that, or just say nothing and plan on not going?

ruinedandbroken posted 4/10/2014 20:14 PM

Can you call him on a work phone or from a phone that doesn't have caller ID?

I could but I haven't seen or spoken to him in literally years and I'd like to keep it that way. He makes my skin crawl.

I don't need his permission or consent to sign my kids up for activities. He certainly didn't ask me how I felt with him taking my kids to skank-ville with white-trash married whore he was sleeping with.

Tearsoflove posted 4/10/2014 20:14 PM

I imagine his lack of response is designed to get under your skin. I'd send an email that says "Oh, hey, nevermind about switching. Since you didn't get back to me, I made other plans so don't worry about it. Enjoy your weekend with the kids. Thanks." I would never let him know he got to me.

cmego posted 4/10/2014 20:15 PM

Yup, he is enjoying watching you ask for something. More than likely he won't budge.

I'd follow up with a "If I don't hear from you by XX, then I am assuming you will not switch weekends with me. Please consider one last time knowing that if you ever need to switch weekends, I'll remember this opportunity you had."

Yeah, it is low…but it is also planting the seed of "well…what IF I do need her to switch in the future???? Hmm. Maybe I do need to think about this."

PurpleRose posted 4/10/2014 20:16 PM

You should send him one more email and tell him if you do not hear back about the switch by 10am tomorrow morning you will assume he is not in favor and your need for switching will be over.

Give him a deadline, and see if he responds. Maybe that will push him to reply. Maybe not. Either way you will have your answer.

SBB posted 4/10/2014 20:17 PM

^^what she said. When making these requests include a deadline for response then don't follow up. Ever. The sad clown sends me idiotic missives which I don't respond to. He follows up like I'm an errant employee and he can't believe I'm ignoring the boss. It makes me laugh out loud. I'm not responding to that drivel, dude. Get with the program.

He usually rewords it in a less confrontational manner and then he gets a response.

Of course this means he ignores my rare emails to him. I don't follow up - the idiot doesn't realise that I'm contacting him only when I have to, not because I want to. And
I'm AOK with him not exercising his rights at those times.

Go with your friends. Hopefully they'll check dates with you next time. Most people don't realise how difficult these fuckwits can be - my friends still say 'just ask to swap' and I have to explain to them over and over again how it isn't worth the grief.

He will take any/all opportunities to be a fuckwit even to the detriment of his kids - take that as a given and try to not let it get to you.

I'm never helpful to him - as it stands most of his requests suit me so it's no bother to agree. I don't care if he thinks I'm
helping him out or not. He just doesn't matter.

ruinedandbroken posted 4/10/2014 20:30 PM

Yeah, I like this:

"Oh, hey, nevermind about switching. Since you didn't get back to me, I made other plans so don't worry about it. Enjoy your weekend with the kids. Thanks."

This is precisely why I never ask him to switch or ask him for anything. Because he loves to feel like he's in some kind of position of power and for me to be in a vulnerable position. I won't let him know that I am upset. I'll give him until Monday and then send an email and embed it with this to make it seem like it's no big deal.

Dear Douchebag,

"I signed DS1&2 for summer camp for XXX weeks. They are excited about going. Nevermind about the XX weekend in May. Since I hadn't heard back from you I cancelled the plans and made other arrangements.

I hate you.

Ok, ok...I leave out the part about hating him.

careerlady posted 4/11/2014 01:42 AM

Am I the only one who would call (I know I know but seems worth it) and then try writing:
"Dear Douchebag:

Thanks for agreeing to switch with me the weekend of X. Let me know what weekend you would like in exchange"

But I guess that would set a terrible precedent. I'm so sorry he's such an ass

SBB posted 4/11/2014 02:22 AM

Take the digs and chit chat out - ego kibble fodder.

"I signed DS1&2 for summer camp for XXX weeks. Nevermind about the XX weekend in May. I have made other arrangements."

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