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The lonelys

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Klove posted 4/10/2014 21:53 PM

Well- I've managed to avoid obsessive instagram and fb checking for a week! I can already tell this makes a HUGE difference!
I was feeling really good- not sad and quite strong.
Stbxwh is away this week Wed-Sat ...and it dawned on my that this is the time he was supposed to go to head office meeting (I remember seeing it in our calendar back before he unsynced them) which was a place he always met up with HER. I just...feel sad? I don't want him back and I tell myself I don't care that he is probably with her...but I do care. I feel like she's won- yeah, the booby prize...but won...
And tonight I had a really big production at the High School where I teach that I was in charge of. It was months of work and culminated tonight in a huge success. I was driving home feeling good- but sad I had no one at home to share it with. I mean- he was never very supportive of things I did at work like that. He would never change his own work schedule to accommodate mine and I would be forced to call on my Mom to look after the kids if I had to be at school. Or I'd come home after an 830 am- 10 pm day and he would not have packed the kids a lunch for the next day...but anyway, I just felt sad having no one at home to share a victory with.

He was a shithead...but he was my person. I don't want him, but I miss him sometimes.

Sadmumma posted 4/10/2014 22:08 PM

I hear you klove.

You dont want him.. but you dont want 'her' to have him either ...

Cudos to you on the school performance.

StrongAlone posted 4/10/2014 22:14 PM

It's the "hate him but miss him" feeling. I get that more than I'd like to admit too. Someone much more awesome than him will replace him in your future, and if not, you are strong and wonderful on your own.

one2ndchance posted 4/10/2014 22:21 PM

I was driving home feeling good- but sad I had no one at home to share it with. I mean- he was never very supportive of things I did at work like that. He would never change his own work schedule to accommodate mine

You're lonely, but not lonely for him because he wasn't there for you anyway.

I totally understand this. I was lonely in my marriage, too. When I start to feel sad, I remind myself that my home now provides me with serenity...something I didn't have when I lived with him. Frankly I'd choose a little loneliness over tension, suspicion, and turmoil anyday.

I think you're missing and craving solid, trustworthy companionship. You WILL find that someday.

SBB posted 4/10/2014 22:29 PM

You're lonely, but not lonely for him because he wasn't there for you anyway.

This. I get lonely now too but nothing is as bad as how lonely I was during that M. The only thing missing from my life was the lies I told myself about the M I was in. Weird that I miss the lies I told myself. The way to combat them is to remind yourself of the truth.

Don't fall down that rabbit hole of what you told yourself you had - I still sometimes miss what I thought I had. Then I give myself a 2x4 and remind myself to remember what I DID have.

Pass posted 4/10/2014 23:13 PM

I feel like she's won

And the answer is, yes. She has won, but so have you. When the prize you're competing for is a piece of shit, the winner isn't REALLY the winner!

Tell us all about your school production. We'll be happier for you, and way more supportive than that arsehole ever was. I know it's not the same, but it helps.

RedWheelBarrow posted 4/11/2014 01:40 AM

I know this feeling. I miss Rockstar too. At least he feigned care rather well at times, when he was around.
Congrats on a successful production!

gypsybird87 posted 4/11/2014 01:55 AM

((Klove))

I hear you. I don't miss "him" specifically, but there are times when I miss having someone. Someone to share things with, even just trivial little stuff about my day.

But the truth is that there is nothing lonelier than being with someone who doesn't want to be with you. That is it's own special brand of lonely, and I'm glad to be done with it. I'll take the pleasure of my own company over that crap any day.

I know what you mean about feeling like she "won." XWH and OW are still playing house in la-la land, and I still have moments when I struggle with that. Just remember, she doesn't have the man you thought you had, she has the guy you actually had. And he is not worth having.

Congrats on the success of your school production! You're awesome.

jackie89 posted 4/11/2014 06:55 AM

I hear you

I so identified with your post.

(((KLove))

brokenpinkribbon posted 4/11/2014 08:26 AM

Oh my goodness I hear you loud and clear Klove. I have only been separated for six weeks, and it feels like forever.
I hate the feeling of being dumped for someone else who is 27 years your junior, who is enjoying having my husband to share their life with. It amazes me how quickly XWH can move on from you onto another person, and have no remorse for what hurt they have put you through.
I have been with my XWH for 25 years married for 23 of them, I feel like I have had a fantasy marriage in my head. It has come as a great shock that he could tell me he loves me one day,and I get evidence that he is telling this OW that she has no idea what he is having to put up with at home, as i haven't been able to get past his first infidelity eight months ago, I gave him a second chance and this is how I get treated.
So getting back to the point of missing them, I miss my XWH everyday, but I had to draw the line in the sand. I couldn't live with not being able to trust him with my heart ever again, I didn't want to have to worry if he is late coming home was he meeting with her, I can't do it to myself anymore.
So Klove we pay the price to keep what dignity we have left intact, we are lonely, and I'm not sure how long we will continue to feel this way, but I hope and pray that neither of us stay like this forever, and we will find someone who deserves us, whom we can share our lives with once again.
The OW has won the booby prize.

Klove posted 4/11/2014 08:32 AM

When I start to feel sad, I remind myself that my home now provides me with serenity...something I didn't have when I lived with him.

This is so true. My Mom looked after the kids last night and said she noticed how CALM ds7 is these days. He usually has a very sharp temper (comes by that honestly ) and can be quite lippy. She said he seemed very content. He was polite and helpful. Even though both boys are sad about the divorce- I do see them enjoying the calm of the house. 7 weeks ago there was nothing but fighting almost daily. At the very least, there was tension and often tears (me). No kid should ever have to see that...I think the quiet, calm, 100% focus on them is helping them adjust to this new life.

But the truth is that there is nothing lonelier than being with someone who doesn't want to be with you. That is it's own special brand of lonely, and I'm glad to be done with it.

So very very very true gypsy. This type of lonely almost ate me alive. I can't even read through those words you said without tearing up. So I will suffer the lonely of my own company easier than having a dead body sleeping in bed next to me.

I just want this to get easier. And I guess it does- but there are moments...

I think I'm just overtired right now....
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....

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