Those (like me)who were unable to see that adultery lying, drinking were occurring on a continuous basis.
I expected ADULTERY as I saw incidents but never was able to catch the WW in any adulterous acts. No did she ever admit anything to me when we had fights about her behavior.
Not sure I could have left early on even if I saw the real thing happening in front of my face
Even after friends TOLD me about incidents, I was unable to leave as I was the sole support for us.
Me her, 2 children.
Just looking for others who can 'connect with me' at some level of my situation.
[This message edited by swb32cox at 10:14 PM, April 10th (Thursday)]
It's clear from your story that your ex was a sick woman. I hope you can get some help to heal from your pain. Maybe if you frame all of this in the idea that she was one sick duck, that can start you on the path. It's the on!y thing that helps me. It's not an excuse, but a partial reason for their asshole behavior.
Forgiving is hard. but necessary.
Here's my take on it. He cheated. All the time. I confronted. All the time. I asked him to get help. Begged. He denied. The lack of trust, the demoralization, the bitterness, has eaten away at us. Frankly, i don't feel I was the best parent I could have been. We weren't the best example of a loving family we could have been. My children - oldest in a marriage because she deceived her now H into getting her pregnant. She is surviving, but not happy, she entertained the idea of cheating. Next child, son, 18, in a relationship with a girl that he allows to walk all over him, browbeat, and deemphasise him and his feelings (familiar??) next child, daughter 16, doesn't even want to date because she is afraid she will have to give up what she loves and wants to do for a boy (yeah. More familiar). Youngest, son 14 detached from everyone - family, friends, etc.
I can't help but think that staying may have hurt more than helped. We lead by example for our children. I feel in some part I have failed them. Even tho I stayed so they could be financially stable.
I don't know the right answer here. I don't know how things would be different of I hadn't stayed. I just know that we a sacrifice for our children. But we need to be sure those sacrifices benefit them - not harm.
I can say that in the two weeks he has been gone now - all three kids have been happier. They can see WH when they want. They live with me. DD16 said - "it's so much more peaceful and fun mom, even tho I miss dad." DS 14 and DS 18 have gotten closer. All three kids joke and play. Even tho we are missing half the furniture, losing the house and the car, we have each other. And we are happier.
from the best of my understanding and knowledge my wife was "good" for our relationship and marriage until about june-oct 2011 and then a switch flipped in her head and until about june 2013 she cheated on me with a multitude of people, in many different ways, gaslit me about the entire thing, lied constantly, deceived me, practically abandoned her family, and betrayed me in every way possible.
its like the switch that was flipped eliminated ALL of her commmon sense.
her LTA guy (not the only one she cheated on me with but the only LTA) whom she had multiple sexual activity with was asked to wear condoms but she never checked, doesnt know if he ever actually put one on, cant remember if he ever took one off ... and frankly has NO IDEA if he ever actually put one on.
somewhere around mid to late 2012 she went from a "social drinker" to getting plastered while out at clubs, carefully drinking a liter of hard liquor a week so as to maintain a buzz during the day while being sober coming home (when she did), and was even driving around drunk whereas in before and after this time period she would NEVER have done that.
she had sex with a guy that she wasnt attracted to, didnt like ... who SPIT in her face, insulted her while having sex, and she "hated" the entire experience ... and yet not long afterwards was considering going back for "more".
what can i say? i dont freaking understand it. it doesnt make sense. i dont know if it will ever makes sense.
from 09/11 - 05/13
2 ONS, 10 sexting partners, 1 LT EA/PA
??/06/13 DD/1 - admits to LT EA, begin false R.
01/13/14 DD/2 - LTA was PA.
01/18/14 DD/3 - sexting 5 guys.
01/19/14 DD/4 - 2 ONS with different guys