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Newest Member: Skate (50595)

User Topic: Dealing with BS's feelings of inadequacy
♂ 42899
Member # 42899
Stop  Posted: 10:48 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can anyone give me advice on how I can constructively deal with my BS's feelings of inadequacy? I totally understand why she feels inadequate, and she has no reason to believe any of the reassurances I give her. I just want to care for her & help her to heal.

Me 49 and BW 48
Married 23 years, 4 kids
D-Day 3/5/14
14 years of infidelity including multiple ONS and a 6 yr LTA
I lied to everyone including myself.
(Please no PM's from women)

Posts: 574 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: US
♀ 42111
Member # 42111
Default  Posted: 2:01 AM, April 11th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Time. Consistency of action from you. Find out her love language and speak it to her everyday.

It's not an easy task, I'm struggling with it too. I'm only 4 months out, hopefully someone with better advice will be along shortly.

Hang in there.

Madhatters doing well in R.

Chin up. Unwavering. Fight. I can do this.

Posts: 1311 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: UK
♀ 33886
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 9:17 AM, April 11th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BBT kind of already nailed it.

If your Dday is anywhere near your registration date, you're at the very beginning of this nightmare rollercoaster of healing. Buckle up. It's a wild ride.

Check out the Healing Library. Yellow box on the left. Also check out "How to Help Your Spouse Heal from Your Affair". Short read. Packed with info.

There is no magic fix. This doesn't change on 2 weeks, 2 weeks, shoot sometimes 2 years. The "suggested" timeline for healing from infidelity is roughly 2 - 5 years, if there are no new hurts. To be honest, for most people it's closer to 5 years. Not trying to discourage or scare you. Just shooting straight.

Time. Consistency. Patience.

Good luck.

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne

Posts: 7243 | Registered: Nov 2011
Topic Posts: 3

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