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Newest Member: NeedSomeAdvice (45762)

User Topic: My daughter is involved in a dcs investigation
JanaGreen
♀ 29341
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 12:52 AM, April 11th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is just really the suck.

I wrote out this long detailed story just now & then deleted it. The cliff notes version is that my daughter was touched inappropriately by a boy in her pre-K class & had to be interviewed by DCS today. The DCS lady told me that DD was "guarded" in talking about it & seemed to feel like she was to blame for not telling the teacher (she told me). She said she's going to follow up in a month & if DD is having issues she will refer us to a therapist.

My poor kid. :(


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 5-year-old daughter. Baby Green 2.0 expected June 2015!!!!!!!!!

Posts: 6937 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
Tawnee1969
♀ 12358
Member # 12358
Default  Posted: 1:13 AM, April 11th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((Jana))

I know you feel for your daughter but I feel it was being interviewed that may have made her nervous.

How old was the little boy that touched her?

I am only asking as the Mum of 2 boys I know that they are fascinated by genitals. more their own than anyone else's.

It may have been done entirely innocently, the whole I'll show you mine if you show me yours kind of thing.

I really hope that that is the case and that there wasn't anything more sinister in it.


Is the f*cking you're getting, worth the f*cking you're getting?

Posts: 661 | Registered: Oct 2006
woundedby2
♀ 18522
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 1:41 AM, April 11th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Jana)))

I'm so sorry that this has happened to your sweet baby.


Me: BS
2 kids: DD16 and DS19
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7851 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
JanaGreen
♀ 29341
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 5:58 AM, April 11th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Unfortunately there was more to it than just that, tawnee. He also has a history of being very disruptive and violent, and he said some things during all this that are huge red flags.


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 5-year-old daughter. Baby Green 2.0 expected June 2015!!!!!!!!!

Posts: 6937 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
JanaGreen
♀ 29341
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 6:25 AM, April 11th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The interview, fortunately, took place in a child-friendly advocacy center. Coincidentally DH & I have done a lot of charity work with this organization so we know the director and their processes. As we were leaving DD said, "I thought that would be scary but it was fun!" Poor little guy.


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 5-year-old daughter. Baby Green 2.0 expected June 2015!!!!!!!!!

Posts: 6937 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
Tawnee1969
♀ 12358
Member # 12358
Default  Posted: 6:33 AM, April 11th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well it's great that the centre jumped in so quick when it happened.

Sometimes the signs of things not being "right" show up at an early age.

I hope your little one is ok now.


Is the f*cking you're getting, worth the f*cking you're getting?

Posts: 661 | Registered: Oct 2006
betrayedfriend
♀ 19785
Member # 19785
Default  Posted: 8:56 AM, April 11th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I went through this when my dd9 was in preschool, I'd be happy to pm with you about it if you'd like.


I originally joined SI as a way to help my best friends find ways of coping with infidelity, but now infidelity has touched my family much closer to home.

Posts: 879 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Midwest USA
JanaGreen
♀ 29341
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 9:04 AM, April 11th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you betrayedfriend - I sent you a PM.


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 5-year-old daughter. Baby Green 2.0 expected June 2015!!!!!!!!!

Posts: 6937 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
JanaGreen
♀ 29341
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 9:04 AM, April 11th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you betrayedfriend - I sent you a PM.


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 5-year-old daughter. Baby Green 2.0 expected June 2015!!!!!!!!!

Posts: 6937 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
idkam
♀ 18375
Member # 18375
Default  Posted: 9:43 AM, April 11th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thats pretty scary to think a child would be faced with something like this but it does happen... A friend of my coworker had to pull her girls out of schoo..the 8 year old was being harrassed dsily by a lil boy... He would pull ip her dress rub on her legs, as well as dhow her his private parts... poor girl was horrified...

I'm so glad she tild her mom...


People come into your life for a Reason, Season or a Lifetime..
Divorced

Posts: 1810 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: Texas
abbycadabby
♀ 27428
Member # 27428
Default  Posted: 9:57 AM, April 11th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

First off, hugs to you and your precious dd. I'm so sorry she experienced that.

(((JanaGreen & DD)))

Secondly, this post is very chilling for me. For a couple of reasons:

1) My DS has had issues with touching. I've never heard that any of it is inappropriate (he DID touch a teacher's rear end but I've never been told he touched another person's genitals) but it makes my blood literally run cold to think that one day he might do something like this, innocently, that will be construed as inappropriate. He has ADHD and thus has difficulty controlling his impulses. We are working with a behavioral therapist to correct this behavior. In the meantime, it literally terrifies me to think about what could happen if he doesn't keep his hands to himself.

2) You don't post details but if the touching incident with your dd was enough to get DCS involved, what the boy did had to be pretty bad. If the way he touched your daughter was sexual in nature, it makes me wonder just exactly what HE himself has experienced to make him behave this way at his age. I'm sure the investigation will uncover this if anything exists and get him the help he needs.


Posts: 1306 | Registered: Feb 2010
JanaGreen
♀ 29341
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 10:09 AM, April 11th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Abby, this child has issues beyond impulse control. There was another little girl involved as well, he touched my daughter and exposed himself to the other girl (while telling my daughter to "close her eyes" while the other girl had "her turn"). This kid had punched my daughter two days prior, and she didn't want to pull down her pants (that's what he asked her to do, then he touched her), she said she was afraid if she didn't he would "just do it anyway," because apparently, according to the other little girl's mom, he pulled her pants down himself. I understand that curiosity and some touching does happen at this age, but the way the situation went down was beyond what I understand as normal. Also, the way the little boy did this - where the girls were in relation to the teacher, and her line of sight - I really believe he waited for an opportunity to do this. Oh, and in talking to the other mother, he had also punched her daughter as well. I'm not talking just rough-housing that went too far, he PUNCHED our girls completely unprovoked. He was wild and violent (my daughter told me that he "teared up the class every day").

I think DCS is getting involved for exactly the reasons you stated in your second point, Abby. And assuming this child has been molested, whoever victimized him also indirectly victimized my child and her best friend.


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 5-year-old daughter. Baby Green 2.0 expected June 2015!!!!!!!!!

Posts: 6937 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
simplydevastated
♀ 25001
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 10:17 AM, April 11th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Hugs))) To you JanaGreen and your daughter. I'm so sorry she had to go through that.


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
abbycadabby
♀ 27428
Member # 27428
Default  Posted: 10:19 AM, April 11th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh gosh. Poor kids. All of them.

I hope I'm wrong, but to be that hypersexual at that age there HAS to be more to the story for this poor boy.

What's even MORE telling is the fact that he's using threats of force/violence to accomplish it. That signifies to me (and I'm no professional) that this is not just normal/typical childhood curiosity. It really breaks my heart to think of what he might've gone through.

((((JanaGreen & DD and all involved))))

[This message edited by abbycadabby at 10:20 AM, April 11th (Friday)]


Posts: 1306 | Registered: Feb 2010
JanaGreen
♀ 29341
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 10:34 AM, April 11th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Now, I don't think he directly threatened her that day, but I think her fear of him in general played a part in why she complied (Also, I told her that when someone asked her to do something she didn't want to, that she didn't have to, and she replied, with a very confused look on her face, "But he said please, Mommy.") I think she feels guilty, especially since she told the advocacy worker that she didn't tell the teacher and felt like she should have. I want to talk to her some more and repeat that it's not her fault, she's not in trouble, etc. But I don't want to keep bringing it up either.

[This message edited by JanaGreen at 10:34 AM, April 11th (Friday)]


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 5-year-old daughter. Baby Green 2.0 expected June 2015!!!!!!!!!

Posts: 6937 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
lynnm1947
♀ 15300
Member # 15300
Default  Posted: 2:02 PM, April 11th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Edited because I misunderstood a previous post.

[This message edited by lynnm1947 at 2:03 PM, April 11th (Friday)]


Age: 64..ummmmmmm, no...............65....no...oh, hell born in 1947. You figure it out!

"I could have missed the pain, but I would have had to miss the dance." Garth Brooks


Posts: 7423 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Toronto, Canada
woundedby2
♀ 18522
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 8:25 PM, April 11th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I want to talk to her some more and repeat that it's not her fault, she's not in trouble, etc. But I don't want to keep bringing it up either.

Let me preface my comments by saying that my DD was molested by her brother when she was 14, so I've walked a very similar path.

What you have stated here is very important and so difficult. I remember not wanting to further traumatize her or cause her to relive the thing over and over again, but then I didn't want to ignore the huge elephant in the room either. I wanted to console, to affirm, to be there for her.

I would suggest you contact the DCS agent for guidance on how to handle this. And definitely go in and talk to a counselor and ask him/her how to deal with this so as to not further traumatize your child. Plus you need an outlet for your own fears and emotions. The county may have resources for you as well.

I do know that every retelling of the story causes retraumatization. Since law enforcement and the courts were in involved in our situation, my DD was brought to an office where she was interviewed, recorded and filmed (behind 1 way glass) by one agent with multiple agencies observing. This was to reduce further trauma and to eliminate the need for her to give testimony in court, were it ever needed.

We got my DD into therapy within a week. She recommended a book called "Trauma through a child's eyes". You might look it up.

Here is a link to the Child Sexual Abuse section of the Rainn.org website. After my DD disclosed to me, this agency helped me understand what had happened, how to respond, and helped me report it.

http://www.rainn.org/get-information/types-of-sexual-assault/child-sexual-abuse

I'm so sorry you and your DD are going through this.


Me: BS
2 kids: DD16 and DS19
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7851 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
JanaGreen
♀ 29341
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 9:13 PM, April 11th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wounded. Thank you so so much. I'm so sorry your daughter had to go through that, and you too. :(


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 5-year-old daughter. Baby Green 2.0 expected June 2015!!!!!!!!!

Posts: 6937 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
Jrazz
♀ 31349
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 9:14 PM, April 11th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry... poor sweetheart.


"If the path you walk leads back to yourself, you'll never get anywhere." - Master Oogway

Posts: 18371 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
LosferWords
♂ 30369
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 9:27 PM, April 11th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't have any words or advice, Jana... just sending you and your family strength and support. I am so sorry.

Posts: 8020 | Registered: Dec 2010
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