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LifeIsTooWeird posted 4/11/2014 10:52 AM

I wore an engagement ring for 5-1/2 years. I was his fiancé and I was ok because it was a commitment. I took the ring off several times when I thought the affair was going on, but put it back on again later, on DDay I took it off for good and haven't put it back on. It's not my job to put it back on this time, it's his job to ask me to put it back on or better yet get a new one, but he hasn't asked and he doesn't seem to notice my naked finger at all. At first, I didn't think about it much either, but the last couple of weeks, my empty finger is REALLY bugging the crap out of me.

jjsr posted 4/11/2014 11:39 AM

Its a trigger. Has he done the work to make you want to put a ring back on. If not then go to the store and buy a ring for yourself and put it on your finger

LifeIsTooWeird posted 4/11/2014 13:06 PM

He's done work to make himself a better man and build my trust back. I haven't told him that I trust completely, because I'm not there yet. Perhaps I'm stubborn or old school, but when the time comes, I don't think it is up to me to pick up my ring and just start wearing it again. I think he should say something, get down on his freaking knee again and ask me to wear it, prove to me that this is what he wants like I asked him to many months ago. Am I wrong?

Breezy150 posted 4/11/2014 13:27 PM

I don't know if you are wrong or right, but my empty finger breaks my heart. I have worn a ring for 25 years and it really hurts me to see my naked finger. I just wish he it hurt it hurt him as bad as me.

Our situations are different in your case I could see you wanting a do over proposal, in my situation I told him his job is to make me feel safe enough to decide to put it back on myself.

My ring is a symbol of my commitment so I told him to take my empty finger very seriously because as long as there is no ring on it my heart belongs to me, not him.

veronique12 posted 4/11/2014 13:30 PM

No you are not wrong. If that's what you want, then that's what you want and it's right for you. But don't expect him to read your mind. He may have no clue that's what you're thinking or might think you'll reject him outright if he asks. You'll probably have to tell him that's what you want. I know people tend to think things like that lose meaning if we have to ask for them, but they don't.

I haven't worn my ring since DDay and I won't until I feel my H has proven himself worthy.

Charity411 posted 4/11/2014 15:13 PM

((((Life))))) I remember that naked finger feeling after I got divorced. I hated it. So I understand how you feel.

I do have a question for you though. You were engaged for 5 1/2 years and didn't get married. You say you were OK with it because it was a commitment. Why were you OK with half a commitment? Because being engaged isn't actually the same as being married. I don't think when you accepted his proposal you were excepting an endless engagement because getting engaged implies an intent to get married. Otherwise it's just a ring. It seems you settled by the way you put it, saying that you were OK with it.

Maybe he isn't asking because you didn't seem to think it was a big issue to not get married. Maybe raising the bar on your expectations would push him forward.