Meanwhile, I was not able to go NC with the WS because that naturalization app required his signature. He knew this and was milking the situation for all it was worth. I did not feel that it was unethical for me to apply based on marriage, as I met all the requirements and it did not make sense to divorce right before submitting the application. But it definitely added to my stress level when WS would come to the house and expect me to feed him, or continually ask for loans always with the veiled threat that if I didn't do what he wanted, he would refuse to sign the papers.
Because I was not a full-fledged citizen here, I had few rights to property or to much else until now, so I was really in a vulnerable position. WS exploited this thoroughly...until this week.
Now that I no longer have the fear that he 'might not sign,' I have filed for divorce. This surprised WS -- he acted like he couldn't believe I wanted to file "so soon." He also pouted and kept saying he was depressed and sad that I wanted to file 'so quickly.' However, he did sign the papers from my lawyer a few days ago and the divorce is going to proceed. Soon we will be appearing in court.
Here's my question: until this point, WS has had full access to the house, which was not legally mine (and still technically isn't, but it isn't 100% legally his, either...long story, but the divorce decree will say that the house will be mine). He often dropped by when I was not at home and raided the fridge, watched tv, did his laundry and even showered and shaved. Yesterday I went and changed the lock on the front door. (The back door is barred from the inside, so he wouldn't be able to get in without a battering ram)
Was that the right thing to do? It might make him angry, but I don't see what he can do at this point except maybe refuse to sign a final divorce decree or refuse to appear before the judge. I'm tired of having to bow to his demands and of putting up with his nonsense. I'm ready to go NC, but I'm kind of afraid at the same time.
I guess I was sort of afraid of backlash by the WS, but at the same time I'm sick of him taking advantage of me.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
Soon never comes.
So I when I got home I put back the old lock and sighed. The lawyer is right -- as we are doing a "voluntary" divorce which is much quicker and cheaper than me divorcing him for adultery, I have to have his full cooperation. WS keeps talking about wanting to leave town (translated: disappear) because of the shady work he's been involved in, and I need him to stick around long enough to make me legally free of him.
On the bright side, voluntary divorce usually takes 4-5 weeks.
On the dark side, I have to hope for the next several weeks that he doesn't decide to raid my refrigerator, or wash his clothes here, or steal money that he finds (yes, he's even done that) or show up because 'he wanted to see if I was ok.'
There will be a day soon when you can change the locks and feel safe again.
me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
"And this above all else, to thine own self be true"