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Smashedat58 posted 4/11/2014 15:59 PM

I met with our divorce process facilitator (therapist) today, and had a long and very open discussion with him about how our marriage has crumbled. I told him that to me, it appears that my husband has gone through a personality change. He asked if there was any way that I would want to reconcile with him, and I said that no, I did not want anything to do with him, now, he is not the same person I loved. That other man was a great guy, this one is a stranger, and nothing about him appeals to me. I did ask him to try to influence WH to get some counseling for our children's sakes. If he doesn't, he will lose them, too.

trumanshow posted 4/11/2014 16:59 PM

I could have written every word. Thinking of him as the stranger he is helped me detach

freeatlast72 posted 4/11/2014 17:09 PM

I posted something similar earlier.

STBXH is NOT the same person from even a year ago! He is a completely different person and I do not know how it happened. How can someone change so much ?? From being a loving and caring man to someone who is selfish and only thinks of himself? I just do not understand.

Pass posted 4/11/2014 22:01 PM

It was different for me. The Princess isn't the one who changed. Yes, once we were married, she stopped being as nice, but she was never SO nice.

I changed, and had my eyes opened. I saw her for what she always was, and I can't even believe how much I loved her. I was fucking blind!

Broken69 posted 4/12/2014 09:39 AM

Our relationship went from what I thought was healing from his affair one day to him up and leaving after a silly argument and him saying he take always having to feel like he has to look over his shoulder.. then saying he needed time away to work on him to total hatred of me because I called everyday or text begging him to come back and didnt give him the time he asked for to now accusing me of doing all kinds of horrible things like he is paranoid. We cant even talk without an mediater.

Ashland13 posted 4/19/2014 21:03 PM

When we love someone, it is easy to overlook problems, faults, red flags. When we love someone, it is said that we wear blinders or glasses with different colors so that we don't recognize issues-rose colored glasses.

All of us go through changes in life as we age, as time goes on and as life's events happen. And we put people we love on pedestals.

When we have time to look at a person differently, whether it's through physical space or being hurt or something else, they do change for us-because our blinders come off and we "see" what is right there.

As Pass says, Perv wasn't the one who changed, in every way, but I did. Oh, he stepped out on me so in that way he changed, but his personality itself is still the same controlling, overwhelming self.

I'm sorry if people already know this but it's what it seems like you're saying, Smashed. I had it happen too and it was a painful and strange experience.

justjim posted 4/20/2014 09:02 AM

My wife went from someone with a sweet, caring, loving personality to a shell with cold, dead eyes.

Seemingly overnight.

It still baffles me.

SBB posted 4/20/2014 10:50 AM

It's pretty shocking to see what is underneath the mask.

Like pass I can't say I didn't know what was under there I just didn't know how big, ugly and cruel it was.

The moments I thought were aberrations were his true self. He IS that aberration. That is the guy I now deal with.

It is a mindfuck for sure. I found it hard to believe what my eyes were seeing.

He promised. Promised on our then unborn children's heads that he would never do any of this to me. The betrayals, making me a single mum, fucking me over in every way, harming our children. All things I specifically begged him to not do to me as it was done to my mum.

Yet he did them all and still does the vile things he still can do. I don't understand it. I cannot believe the lies he tells himself just to be able to live with himself. I'll never understand it - of that I am certain.

If he was a decent father I could comfort myself that at least my girls have that. As it stands, I can't.