When we love someone, it is easy to overlook problems, faults, red flags. When we love someone, it is said that we wear blinders or glasses with different colors so that we don't recognize issues-rose colored glasses.
All of us go through changes in life as we age, as time goes on and as life's events happen. And we put people we love on pedestals.
When we have time to look at a person differently, whether it's through physical space or being hurt or something else, they do change for us-because our blinders come off and we "see" what is right there.
As Pass says, Perv wasn't the one who changed, in every way, but I did. Oh, he stepped out on me so in that way he changed, but his personality itself is still the same controlling, overwhelming self.
I'm sorry if people already know this but it's what it seems like you're saying, Smashed. I had it happen too and it was a painful and strange experience.
A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess
Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.