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My D will be final in 10 days. In the end I think WH and I will be fine. We have to work together for the sake of our kids.

What I can't get past and I am sure it is displaced anger is the role my XBF and her H played.

For those that do not know my story, I walked in on my WH and my XBF while her husband watched and encouraged them.

I filed for D within 1 week of DDay.

Since then XBF and her H walk around town as if nothing happened and I find myself avoiding events where I know they might be as I feel physical anxiety about running into them. She is the school nurse and Summer manager of a swim and tennis club where most of my friends belong. I TELL EVERYONE what happened but seems nobody has the guts to tell them that everybody knows. I want them to be HUMILIATED!!! I want them to move away!!! Any advice?

[This message edited by iamsoblind42 at 5:52 PM, April 11th (Friday)]

Ahhh blind. I happened to be strolling out on the main page when I saw this pop up. I understand rage very well. I embrace it like an old friend. But you are probably not going to like what I have to say, because it won't make you feel any better.

Continue the crickets. Silence. NC. Because of NC you don't know what's going on on their side of the fence. Now that the ho's out of the bag and people know about it, trust me, just like you heard things....I guarantee they hear things too. The whispers behind their back. All that shit. It's there. They may not show that it affects them, but trust me it does. The worst will be when their son comes home from school after hearing something. They did it to themselves. They are the true definition of asshole cowards and that karma bus is probably slowly rolling over them, slowly putting the pressure on to squish them. But you'll never hear about it.

That said, I get that you want to throat punch them and spray paint whore's live here across the front of their house. Do you have anything that they gave you? Anything that you can destroy? I literally just had a pm sent to me suggesting that I destroy personal things of my mother's to let the anger out. You know what...not a bad idea. So you got anything you want to fuck up? I mean besides their faces and their lives.

When setting out on an errand do revenge, first dig two graves.

Old Japanese proverb

A better proverb:

If you stand by the side of the river long enough, you'll see the bodies of your enemies float by.

Sun Tzu

Art of War

In other words, you don't have to do anything. They'll make it happen to themselves.

^^ THIS!!!

People with such horrible boundaries and morals can't help but screw up their lives. We misuse the word 'karma' to describe it, but they will get their comeuppance. If we're very lucky, we get to watch.

Right there with ya girl!

STBXH and OW *neighbor* screwed each other and now walk around town and the neighborhood like nothing is going on...really? I want revenge too, but OW is very unstable and I think the karma bus will run both of them over...one day. It may not be today tomorrow or next year, but something will happen in that relationship. I on the other hand will have moved on.....

If you stand by the side of the river long enough, you'll see the bodies of your enemies float by.

^^THIS.

Another one:

"Hatred is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die."

Trying to humiliate them in ways that would humiliate you is you projecting your morals and values onto them. They don't share them. Their karma is living this kind of fucked up life. In addition the sad clown has lost me forever. Whether or not he ever feels the loss is not a measure of my worth but his.

The best revenge is living well. Every evil thought I had gives them my power. I'm not so willing to give that up anymore and I'm happier for it. I will loathe what these people do and the vile things they stand for until the end of my days but it is a fire I warm my hands with, not one that I allow to engulf me.

Temper your rage and channel it into evicting these parasites from your mind. Remember the opposite of love is not hate - it is indifference.

Back when I was allowing the flames of rage to engulf me I exorcised those demons with rage walking and rage cleaning. Whilst I don't miss the rage I do miss my lean body and sparkling home.

It's traumatic what's happened to us.

OW (my friend whom XH set me up to be a friend initailly AFTER they were already fucking, btw), and my XWH just moved into a very nice home this past weekend.

I'm sick of it, too.

Try to focus on yourself and think of the OW, OBS and your XH as sicko's from a psych ward released accidentally. You would not talk to them would you if you spotted them on a road?

I, too, have a hard time understanding why the people whom I told what was going on, don't even care......

I hope to move away in 4 years when my youngest grad from hs. I am already planning where to move to, etc, it gets my mind away from thinking about them and this crazy drama.

I understand. I do. My former BF had an affair with my ex the last year of my marriage, he left me, she left her husband (who she had 3 kids with) and they are now married.

They refer to themselves as the Brady Bunch. They are everywhere with NO remorse, no shame, show up at everything, parent teacher conferences (at my school - I work at an independent k-12 school AND pay their tuition myself) ... Etc, etc. Everyone knows, but for the most part are polite to their faces.

I get it. I live it every day.

For the first year or two, I felt EXACTLY like you do. I wanted revenge. I wanted to see them miserable. I wanted people to openly shun them.

But a funny thing happened. I fell in love with a WONDERFUL man, who my kids adore and call Dad. We both got raises and promotions at work. I am running half marathons, and am in the best shape of my life. My friend circle is wide and supportive.

Ex and OW have both gained a ton of weight and look horrible. People talk about them. Her photography business, once voted "best of" in our city, had tanked. Ex continually sends me angry, bullying emails (not the hallmark of a happy, well adjusted individual). Kids say their Dad is "always angry and yells" and they can never do anything over there.

So. This is all to say ... Live your life. Make it the best you can. Life WILL work out. It might take awhile. You might even not know about it. But focus on YOUR life, and you win.

I know this is easier said than done. I promise you it's the way to happiness.

Home wrecked I feel the same. I wasn't raised this way and this chaos and drama is crazy. I am also planning a move years from now. They are already talking marriage and blending families. I'm tired if this train wreck. Let go let God. If it works out more power to them. If not, fuck them. Bigger house? I foresee that happening. Was our dream too. Ashame the cheaters get rewarded.

I so understand where you are coming from. I don't want revenge, but would love to see HIM bear the consequences of his actions. He's still living in our beautiful home, his lifestyle has not changed, he and the OW got engaged last summer (we are still legally married, our mediation is in a couple of weeks), his reputation is still intact, he and the OW enjoy the gardens I designed and worked on.

I have been devastated by his actions, my world was turned upside down, my lifestyle has radically changed and I no longer trust. Not what I signed on for when I married him, but what I have received. I am trying to move on with my life - because that is what everyone is telling me to do, but it hurts.

I am 16 months out and everyone tells me it takes time. Especially with the mediation coming up, I am feeling angry and so very hurt.

I ran into someone that socializes with them, the OW has been living in the house and quit her job and is financially dependent on him. This acquaintance told me, that she and her husband had dinner with the POS and his mistress a few months ago and that she sees the warning signs. When his mistress spoke, he would just talk right over her, as if she was not there. I remember how that felt. I know what lies in store for the OW. And to be honest, I don't feel bad for her. This reminded me that he really is a pig and not the gentle man I thought he was. He treats people as objects, things to serve him. I am so grateful that I am not under his thumb, I can live my life the way that I choose!! For me, that is far sweeter than any revenge fantasy I have.

The reason your juvenile, emotionally retarded former friends are still walking around without a care is quite simple - they are a couple of sociopaths who just happen to have found each other.

The reason your friends still associate with them without having the guts to remove themselves from their social circle is not because they don't care about you, but because it is simply easier and more convenient to bury their heads in the sand. Unfortunately this is a common trait amongst humans, right up until the time when the same or similar happens to them of course.

Believe me, even though the rest of your community are not chanting outside Mr and Mrs Watchmeshag's house brandishing burning torches, the pair of them will be viewed as nothing but trash behind closed doors.

Revenge will happen naturally without the need for you to do anything. It is just a matter of time.

Ellejay

Mine screwed the neighbor too. They tried to keep it hush hush and moved to a near by town.I told everyone. I tell everyone her name and what she did.

This kind of made me feel better, too. A neighbor of theirs is a friend of mine, but OW and XWH don't know this.

Anyway, OW and XWH were chatting with the neighbor. XH was talking and put his arm around OW's shoulders. She shook his hand off of her shoulder and stepped away.!!!!!! OMG I did the same thing to him all the time because he is an annoying talker and a porn freak. I hated his skin touching mine. He always complained that I didn't want him touching me, and now she's doing the same thing!!!!

I try really hard to be like Sandra Bullock when she found out about Jesse James.. 180. totally 180. totally cool. at least that's what we saw publically. He didn't deserve her. Our spouses don't deserve us.

It's tough when you want to hurry along the consequences of their actions. But don't. Not worth it.

It is so much more enjoyable watching the natural consequences take hold of them.

If you stand by the side of the river long enough, you'll see the bodies of your enemies float by.

Wow, very profound and you have all given excellent advice.

I do hope that Karma is a bitch for them.

I will do my best to focus on me instead of on them.

I'm 7 years out from DDay, 6 years seperated and 5 years divorced. I can tell you from experience their day of karma will show up and it's better served when you have nothing to do with it. It may be years later, but they will get theirs.