"You can survive this. Talk to others that have"

redwall77 posted 4/11/2014 18:20 PM

I have told my story on here awhile ago I know it was hard to read and it was because I was in such a hurry to post that I didn't even read it before hand and I'm sorry for that. But I have a question I desperately need answer. Here it goes why am I always on the chopping block I know that I have done wrong I had a A I'm doing everything I possibly can to make what I have done better or at least I think I am. My questions is why does my H only concentrate on my wrong doing and how my upbringing has effected how I am today. I gave a short summary of my situation on here a couple of days ago and I mentioned how my H had a A early on in our relationship we are not legally married but we have been together for 11 years and it has been a nice but not comfortable relationship because we don't communicate. Anyways I always feel like I am on the chopping block because of my A he sends me articles on how I am and things that protein to me. But not of things that are about him and why he is the way he is and why he had a A. I always think I'm at fault but why did he have his A why did he think he wasn't important to me when I showed him he was the best I could. I just don't understand it I don't know why I feel and look like the bad guy. We both did things that damaged each other but my actions are the main subject and have been since DDay. I just need to know why my feelings are not so important in our situation.??????

SI Staff posted 4/11/2014 20:58 PM

Redwall,

Madhatters are not allowed to start threads with the stop sign. The stop sign has been removed.

Thank you.

Aubrie posted 4/14/2014 16:08 PM

I just need to know why my feelings are not so important in our situation.?

I'm not a MH so take anything I say with a grain or 10 of salt...

My belief is, when one spouse is fixating on the other spouse's issues, it keeps the spotlight off themselves. They don't have to deal with their own mess-ups.

Question. (Ok. A couple) When was your A? How recent? And when did you decide that focus should be shown to his A from years ago? Your entire relationship? Or now after you have cheated?

Also, dunno if you are aware of it or not, but there is a thread in ICR for madhatters. (Not that you aren't welcome here in WS. But the thread in ICR will have tons of info that could be helpful.)