This is the hall of mirrors. Where you will face yourself. Buckle up.
I just need to know why my feelings are not so important in our situation.?
I'm not a MH so take anything I say with a grain or 10 of salt...
My belief is, when one spouse is fixating on the other spouse's issues, it keeps the spotlight off themselves. They don't have to deal with their own mess-ups.
Question. (Ok. A couple) When was your A? How recent? And when did you decide that focus should be shown to his A from years ago? Your entire relationship? Or now after you have cheated?
Also, dunno if you are aware of it or not, but there is a thread in ICR for madhatters. (Not that you aren't welcome here in WS. But the thread in ICR will have tons of info that could be helpful.)
"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne