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First Holiday Separated

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25yearslater posted 4/11/2014 23:17 PM

Easter will be the first holiday that we will "share" time. WH has Saturday and I will have Sunday. It will just be myself, 19 & 17 year old kids, & my mom. I would like to do something different. Any ideas?

Sadmumma posted 4/11/2014 23:28 PM

What to the kids want to do?

25yearslater posted 4/11/2014 23:35 PM

There are ok with almost anything. Holidays have never been about the food for us; it was about family time. So I think they would like something different. Past holidays we have hiked, biked, did a 5k together, games, ... They don't want to go to anyone's house - the separation is new and I don't think they want people to ask questions.

myowndystopia posted 4/11/2014 23:49 PM

Kind of in same situation. We always spent easter weekend at our weekend home at lake. All the kids came and their spouse or SO....dd25, ds22, ds20 and dd15 and also the two grands. STBXWH will be at weekend home but the rest of us.... Still working on our plan. Needing a new tradition!

I've just started going to a new church so I'm hoping I can get them to join me in going to church but other than that not sure! I'll see what responses you get here- maybe something will spark a great idea!

myowndystopia posted 4/11/2014 23:49 PM

Dang- double post!!!!!

[This message edited by myowndystopia at 11:50 PM, April 11th (Friday)]

25yearslater posted 4/13/2014 22:51 PM

Just talked to WH again about Easter. He thinks we can all have Easter together. In his paraphrased words "we are family, we are adults, and everyone understands what's going on". KIDS are 19 & 17. The "problems" & separation are new to the 17 year old. The separation is new to the 19 year old (she knows about one A) and just before he decided to move out he told her that "everything is fine". Her interpretation of "fine" isn't his. I think he's using me. Not sure if DD (19 year old) will do anything with him - if I'm around she would be with me. If its just him; not sure since she's in college and this is new. I'm the family planner. I'm the juggler of keeping everyone happy. Ugh!

EvenKeel posted 4/14/2014 08:23 AM

In his paraphrased words "we are family, we are adults, and everyone understands what's going on".

Good grief - heck no.

Set your precedent now or you will battle this each time. Just because you are adults doesn't mean you want or have to spend holidays together.

I would tell him you are sticking to the schedule and go ahead with planning on doing something solo with your kiddos.

Getting to Happy posted 4/14/2014 17:20 PM

I would tell him you are sticking to the schedule and go ahead with planning on doing something solo with your kiddos.

This is the consequence of his behaviors. He wants you to make a nice day for everyone so he does not have to 'do Easter'.

Your family will have to get used to him not being at the family table/holiday. And he needs to make his own holiday with his kids.

Please don't do his work.

Besides it would be an awkward and sad day for you and your kids. They know the truth. Easter or any other holiday is no time for his unicorn-skittle farting fairy time.

Proceed with your original plans that don't include him. He does not get to dictate how the day will be. He fired himself from the job as the head of the household.

25yearslater posted 4/14/2014 22:57 PM

Thanks! When WH says these crazy things I wonder for a moment if I'm going crazy. "Really - did you really just say that - nope you couldn't have - that was a crazy statement?!" It's nice to come on SI to get my head back on straight.

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