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Newest Member: W2MNL (46024)

User Topic: First Holiday Separated
25yearslater
♀ 32806
Member # 32806
Default  Posted: 11:17 PM, April 11th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Easter will be the first holiday that we will "share" time. WH has Saturday and I will have Sunday. It will just be myself, 19 & 17 year old kids, & my mom. I would like to do something different. Any ideas?


me: 50 yrs old BW
him: 50 yrs old WH
Together: 33 years
Married: 28 years (?)
2 teenagers that we love dearly!
DDay: November 2010
DDay #2: July 30, 2011 found out restarted EA with same MOW (ended before I found out)
DDay #3 & #4: 11/26/11
D

Posts: 119 | Registered: Jul 2011
Sadmumma
♀ 42192
Member # 42192
Default  Posted: 11:28 PM, April 11th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What to the kids want to do?


On any given day you have the power to say "my story is not going to end like this"
Me 41 BS
Him 41 WH
6 kids...7 weeks, 5,7,9,11&13
D day jan 29th 2014

Posts: 536 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Land down under
25yearslater
♀ 32806
Member # 32806
Default  Posted: 11:35 PM, April 11th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There are ok with almost anything. Holidays have never been about the food for us; it was about family time. So I think they would like something different. Past holidays we have hiked, biked, did a 5k together, games, ... They don't want to go to anyone's house - the separation is new and I don't think they want people to ask questions.


me: 50 yrs old BW
him: 50 yrs old WH
Together: 33 years
Married: 28 years (?)
2 teenagers that we love dearly!
DDay: November 2010
DDay #2: July 30, 2011 found out restarted EA with same MOW (ended before I found out)
DDay #3 & #4: 11/26/11
D

Posts: 119 | Registered: Jul 2011
myowndystopia
♀ 41340
Member # 41340
Default  Posted: 11:49 PM, April 11th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Kind of in same situation. We always spent easter weekend at our weekend home at lake. All the kids came and their spouse or SO....dd25, ds22, ds20 and dd15 and also the two grands. STBXWH will be at weekend home but the rest of us.... Still working on our plan. Needing a new tradition!

I've just started going to a new church so I'm hoping I can get them to join me in going to church but other than that not sure! I'll see what responses you get here- maybe something will spark a great idea!


Me- BS
Him - WS (the Grub)
married 28 years/4 kids(mostly grown)

"'Cause there's a side to you that I never knew, never knew.
All the things you'd say, they were never true, never true "
Set Fire to the Rain
Adele


Posts: 408 | Registered: Nov 2013
myowndystopia
♀ 41340
Member # 41340
Default  Posted: 11:49 PM, April 11th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dang- double post!!!!!

[This message edited by myowndystopia at 11:50 PM, April 11th (Friday)]


Me- BS
Him - WS (the Grub)
married 28 years/4 kids(mostly grown)

"'Cause there's a side to you that I never knew, never knew.
All the things you'd say, they were never true, never true "
Set Fire to the Rain
Adele


Posts: 408 | Registered: Nov 2013
25yearslater
♀ 32806
Member # 32806
Default  Posted: 10:51 PM, April 13th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just talked to WH again about Easter. He thinks we can all have Easter together. In his paraphrased words "we are family, we are adults, and everyone understands what's going on". KIDS are 19 & 17. The "problems" & separation are new to the 17 year old. The separation is new to the 19 year old (she knows about one A) and just before he decided to move out he told her that "everything is fine". Her interpretation of "fine" isn't his. I think he's using me. Not sure if DD (19 year old) will do anything with him - if I'm around she would be with me. If its just him; not sure since she's in college and this is new. I'm the family planner. I'm the juggler of keeping everyone happy. Ugh!


me: 50 yrs old BW
him: 50 yrs old WH
Together: 33 years
Married: 28 years (?)
2 teenagers that we love dearly!
DDay: November 2010
DDay #2: July 30, 2011 found out restarted EA with same MOW (ended before I found out)
DDay #3 & #4: 11/26/11
D

Posts: 119 | Registered: Jul 2011
EvenKeel
♀ 24210
Member # 24210
Default  Posted: 8:23 AM, April 14th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In his paraphrased words "we are family, we are adults, and everyone understands what's going on".

Good grief - heck no.

Set your precedent now or you will battle this each time. Just because you are adults doesn't mean you want or have to spend holidays together.

I would tell him you are sticking to the schedule and go ahead with planning on doing something solo with your kiddos.


Eyes are useless if the mind is blind.


Posts: 2274 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
Getting to Happy
♀ 35200
Member # 35200
Default  Posted: 5:20 PM, April 14th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would tell him you are sticking to the schedule and go ahead with planning on doing something solo with your kiddos.

This is the consequence of his behaviors. He wants you to make a nice day for everyone so he does not have to 'do Easter'.

Your family will have to get used to him not being at the family table/holiday. And he needs to make his own holiday with his kids.

Please don't do his work.

Besides it would be an awkward and sad day for you and your kids. They know the truth. Easter or any other holiday is no time for his unicorn-skittle farting fairy time.

Proceed with your original plans that don't include him. He does not get to dictate how the day will be. He fired himself from the job as the head of the household.


WS him
BS me DD's 26, 25' DS 23
dd1 1-1-10, dd2 Mothers Day 2011, dd3 3-12-12 Hawaii trip with ho-worker...

Never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.
Unknown


Posts: 1151 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: La La Land
25yearslater
♀ 32806
Member # 32806
Default  Posted: 10:57 PM, April 14th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks! When WH says these crazy things I wonder for a moment if I'm going crazy. "Really - did you really just say that - nope you couldn't have - that was a crazy statement?!" It's nice to come on SI to get my head back on straight.


me: 50 yrs old BW
him: 50 yrs old WH
Together: 33 years
Married: 28 years (?)
2 teenagers that we love dearly!
DDay: November 2010
DDay #2: July 30, 2011 found out restarted EA with same MOW (ended before I found out)
DDay #3 & #4: 11/26/11
D

Posts: 119 | Registered: Jul 2011
Topic Posts: 9

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