So, we quickly went from "this is going to the next level" to fully ending the relationship. I'm really bummed... but I know I'll be okay. I also know that I'm not nearly as upset as I would be had we been dating a few months or more. Right decision, but it fucking sucks.
"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid
That would hurt. But it is great that you know what you want! And are willing to walk away from something that will not allow that to happen. And the fact that you aren't trying to change his mind is a good thing too.
I look at it as a short term hurt vs a long time hurt.
They have a choice: they can live in my new world, or they can die in their old one." — Daenerys Targaryen
Yeah, tha'ts how I look at it as well. Having children is a huge thing - it's a decision you can't undo. It's not fair to force that on him. At the same time, I know it's not an option I'm ready to give up. Right now, we're in that "everything is amazing and awesome" stage - this is something that can readily build deep and painful resentment.
When he left he told me that maybe he needed to reassess how he felt about this. I told him that wasn't a bad idea, but that he does need to make the decision about it separate from me. I wasn't closing the door on him, but at the same time neither of us should put our lives on hold. That wasn't fair.
Today is netflix binging, gym, grocery shopping... then maybe some wine. Sucks, but the right thing.
I'm sorry for your hurt, but you truly dodged a horrible bullet. The sorrow of bringing children into the world with a man who doesn't want them is never-ending.
On the one hand, I'm very concerned that he is looking at this as a way to keep me. Yes, relationships are about compromise but children are a huge deal that supercede the relationship. I don't want him making a knee-jerk reaction to what happened between us. At the same time, this may be something that sparked him to re-examine his life and what he wants in the future (again, he's 28, not 35). In which case, this could be something.
Just FYI, here is what I want:
I want the option to have a small family, not the guarantee - you may have trouble conceiving or carrying to term or a myriad of other problems that prevent it from happening.
I realize that at my age I may not find a suitable partner "in time" but I'm not yet ready to give up on that.
I realize that having a child with someone is not a guarantee that person will remain in your life
I have considered going the "single mother by choice" route - but I don't quite feel that *drive* to reproduce.
So essentially, what I don't want is for that door to be closed before it must be.
So, let's see how this goes.
All in all, I'm going to discuss with him, hear him out, and trust my gut.
[This message edited by hurtbs at 8:57 PM, April 12th (Saturday)]
Just see how it goes.
Of course saying you feel a certain way right now doesn't guarantee that is how you will feel once the relationship develops. However, my gut is telling me that this isn't a "I want to keep nailing this girl os I'm going to tell her what she wants to hear" but rather a man who has hit a key moment in his life and had to make some grown up decisions.
So... giving it some more time. We're in an exclusive relationship. We're having fun. He treats me well.
PS: Only one of his friend's told him not to do it. His reasoning? "Dude, she's 35. What's going to happen in a couple of years when she gets ugly?" His response (and his other friends' response) "What the fuck? Don't be an asshole!" That's another positive...
[This message edited by hurtbs at 7:53 PM, April 14th (Monday)]
I need someone who wants to be a father now already to my 2 boys, so I think if I could choose and wanted to get serious, I would pick a man older than me and more settled..
I met one guy who was 43, never married, no kids, and was now wanting a family since he has focused on his career so much. He woulda been perfect (I got a few years left to give him a kid!), but he traveled far too much for his job..
I guess you can wait it out and see if he is serious, but if you guys end up breaking up after having a kid, would he make a good father to them? Doesn't really sound like it right now if he stills wants to "sow his oats.."
It's fine if he's not ready.. He could still be a great guy, just not a good match for you..
Kudos to you for being strong and listening to your gut! Good luck! ((BIGHUGZ))
ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12
I've seen this scenario played out a few times with other couples and eventually it turns into the woman feeling more like a mom than a GF and eventually realizing that dating a much younger man wasn't all it was cracked up to be.
My advice is to find a man more your age who is excited about the idea of having kids and starting a family. Good luck!
STBXWHNPDPAFTG did the same thing to me and basically stalled, stalled, then cheated, false R all the while my clock ticked.
Turns out his easy to get along with personna hid a massive passive aggressive method of tricking me into believing he wasn't opposed to kids. He never wanted kids, but he was afraid of revealing the truth.
I'm too old to have kids now.