You can get divorced, find yourself, find your strength, make new friends and have new relationships - male and female, find yourself smiling more and enjoying life again. You might even find yourself happier now without them bringing you down - as I did. But it never goes away, does it? All of the sudden something happens and it just bubbles up to the surface again. No, it's not consuming like it once was, but you realize that it's still there. And you feel it. Anger. Emotions. Just like the stitches you got when you were a kid and you broke your hand... the skin covered them over with time and it doesn't hurt anymore, but when you look at your hand, you can still see the scar and you remember how much it hurt when it happened and how much it hurt till it healed. It's just become part of who you are. And every now and then you ask yourself why you broke your hand in the first place. But then you move on with your life and don't think about it until the next time something makes you really look at your hand.
These scars aren't where people can see them, where we can see them. But they are there. And every now and then you remember the pain. And questions go around in your head. But then you move on with your life and you don't really think about it until something happens - and again you are reminded those scars are still there. They are not going away. They've just become part of you. But at the same time you can feel thankful. Thankful that the real pain is in the past & you've learned to live with it. Besides there are too many other things you need to do, you WANT to do in your new life. And you can smile because you know that you can use your new found strength to push those scars back to their place inside of you where they will stay, hopefully quietly once again.
Her: WW/57 Me: BS/63 24yrs M 3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11
I tend to agree with her statement, particularly given the pain I've felt because of my D.
At the same time, she's a Kennedy. Look at what SHE'S been through! Assassinations. Affairs. Murders. Relatives taken by wars, accidents, etc etc etc.
Recently two old flames came back into my life. These are two men I had really, really intense feelings for (more than I had for X, who was a friend first) and, in the case of one of them, a very complex and tumultuous relationship. There was a lot of passion and a lot of heartache, etc with these guys. But I was amazed that 10-20 years out and I hardly have contact with any of those emotions now. One of them was the first man to totally break my heart (I lost his baby at one point, almost married him) and I don't have nearly as strong of a response to him anymore. More of an awareness that I was once in a place where he could affect me. But no longer.
It may take some time, but I will get there with X as well. Because, if you let it, life goes on. I'm starting a new chapter now and at some point the life I lived with X and the trauma he caused won't feel so present and I won't be able to access the pain anymore, like I can't now with these other guys.
Just a thought...
My scars are pretty deep and will remind me of my ordeal for a long time, but they have healed over and are no longer a threat to my existence.
I check in once in a while with my feelings about my marriage, the X, and what I thought my life would be now. I've even tried to imagine getting back together with him. I know now that I never want that to happen--not because I hate him, but because I don't like him He's not someone I'd be interested in at this point in my life. Also, my former life is nothing I'd be interested in now.
I'm pretty good, all things considered.
Perhaps she shouldn't have suffered with scars and ripped a few new ones in her husband.
Shrug
