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learningtofeel posted 4/12/2014 13:18 PM

Tomorrow marks one year since my world fell apart. Or maybe, started falling apart.

And also, started coming back together.

I could not have survived without SI. Oddly enough, the person who told me about SI was a friend of the AP, who knew about the A, and whose husband is a fWS.

Here is what I feel about where I am today:

Proud of myself and proud of Aboutdamntime for the work we've both done.

Glad we are in R and both committed to continuing the work.

Sad that this is how we got to where we are now.

Hurt by the continuing memory of the pain the As caused.

Amazed at my own resilience.

Grateful that you all helped me all this way, and that you all were able to light the path ahead by sharing your own experiences.

Curious about the future and what Year Two will bring.

Surprised that I am beginning to let go of the anger towards the AP (my closest friend - or so I thought) for her part.

Eager to demonstrate my new emotional skills around our kids, so that they can have some healthier modeling than what they grew up with.

Humble about what this experience means in my life.

Compassionate for others who are going through extreme pain (many of you are among those).

Hopeful that I will continue to learn to feel, and to share my feelings with my fWS.

Feelings are complicated, huh?

For all of us, may healing continue, may compassion rise up within us, may our resilience support us, may our hurt neither define us nor debilitate us, and may we all know that there will be good days and bad days, and we can make it through.

deena04 posted 4/12/2014 13:40 PM

Ah...thinking of you. Thanks for sharing the thoughts. This month sucks; it seems so many of us have dates in this month for something or another that truly just is crappy.

4everfaithful83 posted 4/12/2014 14:52 PM

Thanks for your post Learningtofeel! You are right! Feelings are complicated for sure! My one year anniversary is coming up in June and I can only hope that I don't have a nervous break down! I am not sure what to expect! I am glad you are doing well!!

bionicgal posted 4/13/2014 18:37 PM

Thanks for this -- our anti is coming up in June. . . and affair season just started. I needed a lift.