I'm 5 years out from Dday in a few weeks. I feel like I'm no further ahead than I was then. This has nothing to do with pining away after him, I'm not. It's just that anything I try to do to make a new life for myself doesn't work. I've hit the why bother stage, while being frustrated that nothing good is happening.
I've rewritten this 3 times now, as it keeps getting too long. Too whiny.
My friend/neighbor said it well the other day. "DM, you are a good person. You are always willing to help others, do whatever needs to be done for your kids, for friends, even strangers. Why can't you catch a break?" I don't know. I really, really don't know. It's hard to stay optimistic and positive when the good part keeps evading you. Even asking others for help with certain things blows up on me.
I'm broke, tired, bored, stressed, you name it, I'm it. Just wish something I try to do to make my life better would actually work for a change, you know?
WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.
I do think your life will open up for you. Maybe if you can step back from the effort you have been making for a moment you would at least enjoy the relief of the pressure to always be striving? Though I understand that when you want your situation to change you desire to be proactive about it with good cause, continuing to beat your head against the wall right now may only hurt. Can you take a day, a week, two week's vacation from struggling to improve things? It might allow your stress time to dissolve and lessen.
I am sorry it has been hard.
Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect
Like norabird says
Maybe if you can step back from the effort you have been making
Easier to say than do... I know. Hope you feel better soon xxx
Im sorry you are struggling. I just posted about how I was feeling stuck and and frustrated despite having many things to be thankful for.
There are so many things that are not fair; especially when we are the BS. I dont have any great words of wisdom but I want you to know thwt you have been heard. Keep moving forward and focusing on yourself and your family.
"You are what you do. A man is defined by his actions, not his memory." - Kuato in Total Recall