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That's how I feel again lately. I'm waiting for something to happen. The bad keeps coming, I'm waiting for something good.

I'm 5 years out from Dday in a few weeks. I feel like I'm no further ahead than I was then. This has nothing to do with pining away after him, I'm not. It's just that anything I try to do to make a new life for myself doesn't work. I've hit the why bother stage, while being frustrated that nothing good is happening.

I've rewritten this 3 times now, as it keeps getting too long. Too whiny.

My friend/neighbor said it well the other day. "DM, you are a good person. You are always willing to help others, do whatever needs to be done for your kids, for friends, even strangers. Why can't you catch a break?" I don't know. I really, really don't know. It's hard to stay optimistic and positive when the good part keeps evading you. Even asking others for help with certain things blows up on me.

I'm broke, tired, bored, stressed, you name it, I'm it. Just wish something I try to do to make my life better would actually work for a change, you know?

I don't want to offer any platitudes, but you have been heard.

I do think your life will open up for you. Maybe if you can step back from the effort you have been making for a moment you would at least enjoy the relief of the pressure to always be striving? Though I understand that when you want your situation to change you desire to be proactive about it with good cause, continuing to beat your head against the wall right now may only hurt. Can you take a day, a week, two week's vacation from struggling to improve things? It might allow your stress time to dissolve and lessen.

I am sorry it has been hard.

((((devistatedmom))))

(((dm))) it really sucks that the bad stuff in life keeps happening. sending strength and mojo that something good happens for you, soon.

You know what being a good person is an awesome place to be,look at all the drop kicks in the world and know you have a huge head start on a good life.

Like norabird says

Maybe if you can step back from the effort you have been making

perhaps concentrate on little happys for a while, cooking a great meal, going for a long walk, watch an old movie with popcorn and ice cream, eat jelly crystals from a packet, buy a sketch book and start keeping a visual diary... I don't know just enjoy living and being you, don't miss out on all the simple joys because you're waiting for 'something' to happen.

Easier to say than do... I know. Hope you feel better soon xxx

((devistatedmom))

Im sorry you are struggling. I just posted about how I was feeling stuck and and frustrated despite having many things to be thankful for.

There are so many things that are not fair; especially when we are the BS. I dont have any great words of wisdom but I want you to know thwt you have been heard. Keep moving forward and focusing on yourself and your family.