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Newest Member: MrsB (61169)

User Topic: Marital Home is his mothers
♀ 39888
Member # 39888
Default  Posted: 6:37 PM, April 12th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So, divorce is full swing. I am living in the marital home and it is his mother's. I kicked him out and threw all his "personal" belongings outside and has not resided here for months. This jackwagon thinks he is entitled to come and go as he pleases. I am under constant anxiety because of this.

I have had to put a pad lock on my bedroom door, because a few times he was in the house, went into my room and left signs that he was there.

I have asked him nicely over and over again, I do not want you at the house while I am not there. I only get, "it's my mom's house, I can do whatever I want". Please let me know when you will be coming here. "I don't have to answer to you", yes a total fucknut! He told me he did not have a key.

Needless to say, I come home late (midnight) after work last night and my daughter (she's 18) informs me that he had sent her several texts of how mad he is because she didn't clean her room, do the things she was told to do by him, etc. I asked when did he come over, she said she didn't know because she was not at home. Before I had left I always double check windows, doors etc., so I know damn well it was locked tight.

My question is, is he allowed to come and go? I think I am screwed because it is his parents home. Or can I have my attorney call his attorney to call him to stay the hell away. I am so stressed about this, he has threatened to take my furbabies and this would definitely kill me. Can I change the locks?

All advice is so appreciated!

BW: 41 (me)
Divorced soon.
Moving forward.
Pre Nursing Student
Getting a Do over at 42

Posts: 125 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Lonelyville
♀ 36134
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 7:22 PM, April 12th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Call and ask your attorney the best way to handle the situation. Tell your attorney you feel stalked and threatened!

You can change the locks, promise him a key and keep forgetting to give it to him! That was my attorney's advice. He can still break in and if he does YOU call the police because you don't know who is breaking into your home. It couldn't be him- you've forgotten to get his key made. And besides. He would NEVER break into the hom! Especially when a he had to do was call!

That's my story and I'm sticking to it!


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 6708 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
♀ 6010
Member # 6010
Default  Posted: 8:06 PM, April 12th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes you can change the locks. He is legally within his rights to break in, BUT if he does it will be seen by the courts as a threat because by changing the locks you have made your wishes known that he not come in the house. Does he have a new address? That is another count in your favor- he has no need to come into your house when he doesn't live there.

Once he breaks in (which he will), call the police and report it. They will, of course, tell you there's nothing they can do- but they will also probably give you the contact information to get a restraining order. DO IT. DO IT. DO IT. Not getting one was one of the things I regret to this day.

At the same time, call your lawyer and tell them you want to petition the courts for exclusive possession of the marital home. Having broken in, and having his own address, you will very likely get it.

That way, he cannot come into the house without breaking the law. If he did, the police will treat it as a crime and there will be trouble.

My Blog:

Posts: 4254 | Registered: Dec 2004 | From: eastern PA
♀ 34823
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 8:39 PM, April 12th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Here's my *take* on your situation. There are two issues here. The fact that MIL owns the home and that stbx keeps coming onto the premises.

Your MIL is the owner of the home that you reside in. She is your landlord, you are her tenant. Read your state's landlord/tenant statute. The fact that MIL owns the home doesn't give your stbx the *right* to show up and enter whenever he pleases.

You need to petition the court for exclusive use of the marital home. Until you do that, does seem that he has the ability to 'come and go' as he chooses.

Thinking that he will *take* your furbabies is a valid concern for you. Considering the fact that once he *takes possession* of that furbaby that it will cost you a ton of money and time to get it back......I, personally, would be willing to subject myself to whatever court proceedings he decided to undertake on the matter. If you unlawfully *do* something (like changing the locks) and offer a good *reason* if your stbx decides to come in and abscond with any marital property.......well, it's going to take a decent amount of time to get in front of a judge about it and, in the meanwhile, YOU have your furbabies.

IMO, if the choice is between *locking him out unlawfully* and allowing him the chance to invade your private space and *take* stuff -- I would totally protect myself first and would be more than happy to answer to a judge about why I did what I did.

You REALLY need a L to help to deal with this.

[This message edited by gonnabe2016 at 8:39 PM, April 12th (Saturday)]

"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.

Posts: 9188 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
♀ 39888
Member # 39888
Default  Posted: 5:36 AM, April 13th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you everyone, I will definitely be calling the attorney tomorrow.

BW: 41 (me)
Divorced soon.
Moving forward.
Pre Nursing Student
Getting a Do over at 42

Posts: 125 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Lonelyville
♀ 20547
Member # 20547
Default  Posted: 8:47 PM, April 13th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My mother went through the same thing with my father when they were divorcing. We lived in my grandfather's home (my mother's FIL), and my father insisted he could waltz in whenever.

As stated before, your MIL may be the mother of your STBX, but she is still your landlord, and her relationship to him means nothing.

I would definitely change the locks, and as said by another poster, when he inevitably breaks in, file a restraining order.

FBS/WS- me.
F(serial)WS/BS- him.

Madhatters. More Ddays than birthdays, at this point.

Posts: 2588 | Registered: Aug 2008
♀ 35812
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 5:17 PM, April 14th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Take your pets to the vet or to the local humane society, and have them microchipped. Register the microchip in your name as the owner. And make sure that your vet has YOUR and only YOUR name down as the owner of record. If he takes them, then you have "proof" that he has taken your pets and that these individual critters are indeed, the pets that you own.

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012

Posts: 9939 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
Topic Posts: 7

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