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Going to tell the kids shortly

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lilacs40 posted 4/13/2014 11:04 AM

As in the next 15 minutes.

I'm nervous about how they are going to react and handle it. They as 12 and 6. WH wanted to tell them that we didn't love each other anymore and I said no way. That's not true for me. So we settled on focusing on how often we fight and that we tried to work it out and couldn't.

On such a beautiful spring day my marriage is completely over. Maybe one day the hope inside me will be gone and I'll actually believe he just doesn't love me anymore.

crazynot posted 4/13/2014 11:07 AM

Heartbreaking... wishing you strength. Your kids have an awesome mum xxx

Softcentre posted 4/13/2014 11:16 AM

Umm, might not be a good idea to blame it on the fighting, you might find that a bit further down the line, STBX tells them you started the fights. I told The Arse that he had to tell them that he didn't want to live with mummy anymore...because that was all his choice.

Softcentre posted 4/13/2014 11:18 AM

Sorry,pressed submit too soon.

Thing is, they may work out the real truth eventually. It's really important that you have been honest with them, or they will feel that you lied to them. When the boys ask I'm divorcing The Arse, i tell them that he broke some very important promises that we make when we get married,and that he doesn't want to make it right.

lilacs40 posted 4/13/2014 11:54 AM

Well it went better than I thought it would. Although by no means is the trauma over I know. I'm sure it will take DD12 a couple days to process this mess. DS6 is just happy that he's getting a bigger bed when we move in with my mom.

I have informed WH that when/if DD has any questions I will be honest in an age appropriate way. I was glad that I stood firm about the not loving each other. Especially since I talked to my mom and she pointed out the fact that if we told them that they might wonder if we would stop loving them.

DD has a therapy appt (for unrelated issues) this week and I am glad for that. I also asked the doctor if she could schedule them every two weeks for the next couple of months.

lilacs40 posted 4/13/2014 11:56 AM

Well it went better than I thought it would. Although by no means is the trauma over I know. I'm sure it will take DD12 a couple days to process this mess. DS6 is just happy that he's getting a bigger bed when we move in with my mom.

I have informed WH that when/if DD has any questions I will be honest in an age appropriate way. I was glad that I stood firm about the not loving each other. Especially since I talked to my mom and she pointed out the fact that if we told them that they might wonder if we would stop loving them.

DD has a therapy appt (for unrelated issues) this week and I am glad for that. I also asked the doctor if she could schedule them every two weeks for the next couple of months.

I would have preferred WH (I guess STBXWH) told the truth but he would never. He still thinks its more about our issues pre-A.

Thanks for the support.

Softcentre posted 4/13/2014 11:58 AM

((lilac)) You did great in a horrible, horrible situation.

nowiknow23 posted 4/13/2014 13:12 PM

((((lilac & kiddos))))

dmari posted 4/13/2014 14:29 PM

(((((lilacs40 and DD12 and DS6))))) I'm predicting DD12 will have more questions and will need an honest answer. I'm glad she has therapy lined up.

My DS was 13 at dday and he also had a therapist for other issues and I was so grateful that he already had a therapist who he felt comfortable with.

jo2love posted 4/13/2014 14:32 PM

(((lilac, DD, & DS)))

norabird posted 4/13/2014 16:26 PM

I'm sure having this conversation over with is a weight off your shoulders and that it will let your kiddos start processing this with your help. It sounds like you did great.

deena posted 4/13/2014 23:48 PM

I am glad to hear you told the kids.

I know how hard it is. Big hugs for being so strong and doing the right thing!!!!!

and big hugs to your kids!!!! They sound like great kids!!!

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