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Deena has now told them all!

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deena posted 4/13/2014 22:32 PM

A big thank you to all you SI'ers who set my head in the right direction with my

"when the kids don't know"
post. And gave me so much advice AND encouragement.

I ended up telling them all separate, but told the last one with one of the kids already in the know.

DD 26 was first by phone(Friday) because she lives out of town. Went awesome and she wasn't really surprised about the separation....a bit about the cheating by WH.

Next day(Saturday), DS22 after his final. Went good again. He actually saw a couple of times the history on the computer when I didn't always clear it. Saw the visits to SI site. He also had known WH would at times stay out very late. And not come home except to change in the morning at times

DD17 was next(still Saturday). Not good. Wanted some alone time and then went to her boyfriends until late at night. She has mostly stayed in her room all day today too(Sunday)

DD28 was after DD17(Saturday) after her exam. DS22 came too. She lives on her own so we went to her place. She was sad for me, but not surprised either.

Other than DD17 they are all supportive and checking up on me. DD28 is communicating with DD17 because she was the same age when WH left me the last time and understands how she feels.
She has said all she needs is some alone time. And that when it happened to her at her age it was devastating because you grow up thinking your parents can't make mistakes and it is a shock when you find out they can. That they are actually human like themselves.

It feels good to have that weight off my shoulders. WH still doesn't know that I told them. I will tell him once DD17 is feeling better. She is having trouble with snow mold right now and I am attributing her staying in her room to that.

Thank you all of SI again.
It was hard to start, but made easier with such great kids.
And you were right. They had suspected and they did appreciate me being honest with them

Nature_Girl posted 4/13/2014 22:41 PM


You did the right thing.

jadedheart posted 4/13/2014 23:10 PM

I was thinking about you and saw this post! I am glad it went so well and your kids are supportive of you and your DD17.

dmari posted 4/14/2014 00:01 AM

You don't know how much I am smiling with pride right now. I know it hurts but you did the right thing. You were honest and open and supportive ~ that is what kids want when communicating with their parents. Hugs and high five!

Softcentre posted 4/14/2014 01:03 AM

((Deena)) so proud of you. Everything from here on in will seem easier by comparison.

PurpleRose posted 4/14/2014 06:08 AM

I am so glad you were able to do that deena. Your kids have begun learning who they can trust going forward- and that will be huge!

Caretaker1 posted 4/14/2014 06:28 AM

This is good for older children. What about ages 8 and 9.

deena posted 4/14/2014 08:54 AM

Caretaker. Please read my past post "when the kids don't know"
It is full of awesome advice and support.

Here is one example

When I was 10 I found my father was cheating and unfortunately I justified his bad behavior because who wants to be married to a lady that is sad 24/7. So for years, I hated my mother for her depression & how it affected our family.

The people here have so much experience(unfortunately) and they can help others


deena posted 4/14/2014 08:58 AM

Here is another quote

You don't have to say anything bad about him. Just stick to the facts. Tell her that he made poor choices but that does not make him a bad person, etc. etc.

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