SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I'm sure some people have dealt with this before, but I will be meeting with a lawyer this week to get dissolution stuff in writing and would love some input.

I'm struggling with what to put in re:custody agreements (SAWH wants to attempt to reconcile in the future, has only said I can drop the kids off whenever the other ones have a dr appt, etc, like we do now and I presume would want to do a Saturday or Sunday outing with them. He does not currently do bath time/bedtime/etc and never has, and does not like to have all three kids, usually).

Because of the whole other life thing that is the cause of our divorce (Craigslist stuff/MFM/threesomes), I feel apprehensive about the type of people that could come into contact with the kids, and would prefer not to do standard visitation (overnights). Would it be fair to do like tues/thurs for 3 hours and saturday1-5 (or whatever)? I know he can always have more if everything's going well. Just not sure what I want to put down for a regular thing set in stone. I think he will agree if it's reasonable.

I don't know what to do about vacation, either, I'm sure he will want to do camping with the two bigger kids this summer.

Thoughts? I have never been concerned about sexual abuse before, but he was very good at hiding his addiction and just recently told me that he was sexually abused as a child. I feel badly for him but terrified that my children will be alone with him.

Have you consulted an attorney for advice?

If you really think he'll agree to whatever you suggest, go ahead and put down a Tues/Thurs dinner visit and everyother Saturday.

You can try for whatever you think he'll go for, but it usually happens that those who seem like they don't care (and they don't care) will do a complete turnabout once they consult an attorney and figure out that the more custody/visitation they have, the less they pay in child support.

You should really talk to an attorney though. You need to be sure you know your rights.

I'd insist on a full parenting evaluation and lay it all out there regarding his sexual shit. You have to protect your children from his bad judgment. Craigslist automatically means a demented, sick person IMO.

Thanks for the responses, I don't *think* he's going to consult an attorney himself. That costs money, and he's cheap.

I don't think he has done anything that would lose him unsupervised visitation, though; apparently there has to have been proven abuse of the children, and there has not been. He's been fairly uninvolved up to this point.

I am worried that once I'm out if the picture, though, he'll go off the deep end since nothing is stopping him. (He is attending 12 step meetings and regular counseling sessions currently, fwiw, and says whether I stay or not he wants to get help).

Yeah, I agree. I'd write it up that way with no overnights, and see what happens. He may just say fine. He may ask why, and you can explain your reasoning (that he's never done the overnights, didn't think he wanted them..see what he says.)

It might be a good starting point for you, and see where he goes from there.