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Seeing family for first time at Easter

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soosorrymom posted 4/14/2014 07:40 AM

So Easter will be first time I will be seeing my MIL and SIL since BH told them about everything .
I wanted to have conversation with the prior but not sure what to say other than I'm truly sorry for the pain I have caused and I'm trying to be a better person and help my BH heal.
I think my MIL will be ok but my SIL very angry at me .
Only reason she is allowing me to come is because we haven't. Told kids and trying to keep things normal.
I'm afraid it's going to be too awkward if I don't talk to them prior .

Any advise would be appreciated .

somethingremorse posted 4/14/2014 08:50 AM

My A was with my SIL. BW and I have talked to our MC a LOT about what to do at family events (we have two weddings, and two bridal showers this summer).

I wanted to talk to my BIL and AP before seeing them in public. Our MC doesn't really think that is necessary. Sure -- if BIL is ready to talk, we should talk. But if not, then we are going to show up, keep our distance, and get on with our lives.

Family is going to take their cue from your BS. Hopefully. My first family gathering (without BIL and AP) was Thanksgiving. I was a wreck. It turned out fine. Actually, it gave us some hope that someday, things would be OK.

Good luck to you both.

BrokenButTrying posted 4/14/2014 08:52 AM

Oh yes, definitely have a conversation pior to going. Perhaps call or email, tell them to express whatever feelings they have on the matter, listen and understand their anger. Apologise and take responsibility for hurting their son/brother. Reassure them of your commitment to your marriage, your hope of R and the work you're doing on yourself. Explain that although there are a lot of hurt feelings you hope they can support you and BH in your healing.

I think it will go a long way to clearing the air.

BrokenButTrying posted 4/14/2014 08:55 AM

Like SR said, they might not want a conversation about it at all. You and BH know them best, if you both think a conversation would help then by all means initiate one. But if BH thinks it wouldn't help then best to just keep your head down, focus on your marriage and ride out any awkwardness.

Alyssamd24 posted 4/14/2014 19:00 PM

I sat down with my in-laws and sil after my A....I met w my sil first and she helped prepare me to face my BHs parents.

I acknowledged the hurt i had caused their son and brother and themselves and apologized. I also spoke about how selfish I was and how full of remorse I was.

I told my BH after I met with them and he was surprised but happy I did it. I think he was happy I took the initiative and faced them on my own...without him asking me to do it.

I think they appreciated it relationship with them will never be what it was before the A but it is improving.

soosorrymom posted 4/14/2014 19:52 PM

Thank you for the advise . I'm more afraid of talking to my SIL we were very close and I know she can be a very bitter angry person . She doesn't even talk to her own sister. Any more . I think my Mil will be easier to talk to .
I do think my BH will appreciate the effort

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