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Child Custody Eval?

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ChoosingHope posted 4/14/2014 08:16 AM

Has anyone here done a child custody evaluation? Mine is finally complete, and it recommends full legal custody to me, plus no overnights for STBX unless he gets a lot of help (SA NPD).

The report has pretty much validated everything I've said for the past several years. But I'm wondering if all of the psychologist's recommendations will be taken in court?

I think this is a long shot, but has anyone here gone through this process? Thanks! I can't believe it, but I'm almost there - almost divorced after nearly three years and with legal and physical custody of my kiddies.

Thank you!

Caretaker1 posted 4/14/2014 08:32 AM

Can you elaborate on how you got this officially diagnosed and documented? It sounds like a slam dunk in your favor for your Attorney.

Nature_Girl posted 4/14/2014 09:57 AM

All of the custody portion was copied & pasted directly into the final divorce decree which was then signed by a judge. The parts of that which specifically mentioned anything about his sick sexual problems were NOT copied/pasted, but were referred to as being in a letter. Both lawyers signed the letter making it fully enforceable. The part where my ex has to jump through hoops & get permission for additional custody & leading to overnights is in the public decree.

ChoosingHope posted 4/14/2014 12:20 PM

NG!!! I'm so confused.

So during the trial, I assume the judge will read everything in the report. STBX will fight everything in the report. The evaluator has to testify in court. STBX will cross-examine him. It will be a circus.

Then do you think that the judge will accept the recommendations in the report?

I would assume that he has to take them pretty seriously.

But I've been overly optimistic before, as you know.

THANK YOU. I'm a nervous wreck. So close, but so far. And I'm not sure how a final divorce decree would work in my situation?

ChoosingHope posted 4/14/2014 12:22 PM

Can you elaborate on how you got this officially diagnosed and documented? It sounds like a slam dunk in your favor for your Attorney.

Are you my attorney???

It was a long evaluation, and STBX has major problems, unfortunately. It's not really a victory. I don't want my children to have a father who has these sorts of problems. I hope that he'll get the help he needs, but I'm not optimistic.

In the meantime I'm hoping to shelter my kids from it all.

ChoosingHope posted 4/14/2014 12:23 PM

NG - another question - Did your STBX fight the report at all? I cant' remember!

Nature_Girl posted 4/14/2014 12:45 PM

The judge did NOT read the evaluation. All he asked was if the parties & their attorneys agreed with or would abide by the recommendations of the evaluator. We all said yes. It is my understanding that judges don't necessarily read reports. If everyone agrees, they'll just sign whatever is presented to them.

My ex was, I believe, contemplating challenging the evaluation. However, my atty made it very clear that I was prepared to bring all my evidence to court, which included very graphic pictures that were identifiable as him, and would present it all in open court and would recount all of the abuse he had heaped on my head and my children's heads. It would then be a matter of public record. He chose to accept the report at that point.

My ex was desperate to keep the details of the report OUT of public record, as well as any evidence that supported my claims that he's a f-ing pervert. I used that to my advantage.

ChoosingHope posted 4/14/2014 13:04 PM

Thanks, NG.

As you and I both know, my STBX will fight the report. He will not agree with the evaluation or the recommendations. He will cross-examine the evaluator/psychologist. It will be a circus, as per usual.

I just found out that the judge will definitely have to read the report. That's good news for me.

I wish he would go quietly into the night like yours, but no chance. So I'm dying to hear other stories. But I'm guessing you and I are in a very small group of people who have done evals.

(((thanks)))

Nature_Girl posted 4/14/2014 13:22 PM

Let him fight it in open court. Let him go on public record as a freak. Let him cross examine the evaluator. The evaluator has already made his decisions. He will not like your STBX challenging him. It will not be pretty.

You're right. We are in the very tiny percentage of divorces that actually go to trial. Further, we are in the even smaller percentage that required a parenting evaluation.

Stay the course, my friend. Have courage. Be resolute. Look at how far you have come. Look at what has been accomplished. You have been strong all this time. When you've felt weak you have reached out for others to help you keep going. That is the sign of an amazing Mother Bear who is willing to do whatever is necessary to protect her children. You are doing the right thing. You have been doing the right thing.

You're almost there, Hon. ((((HUGS)))

tryingagain74 posted 4/14/2014 13:31 PM

No advice, just sending you mojo. I'm so glad that the evaluation was in your favor.

(((CH)))

Compartmented posted 4/14/2014 15:01 PM

Let him fight it in open court. Let him go on public record as a freak. Let him cross examine the evaluator. The evaluator has already made his decisions. He will not like your STBX challenging him. It will not be pretty.

You're right. We are in the very tiny percentage of divorces that actually go to trial. Further, we are in the even smaller percentage that required a parenting evaluation.

I suspect I'd have been having to do this, too, if my children were younger. My SA-NPD X wouldn't have wanted all the evidence to come out in court either. He would not have wanted people to see him as weak/perverted. He did try and bluff his way through a threat of a court trial, because he thought I was too embarrassed to have people know what he did. Once I got enough counseling to realize it was his shame, not mine (I was terribly naive, but I didn't do the filthy things he did), I was ready to go. I was afraid of having to testify (and being yelled at by his attorney, but I survived that in the deposition), but I was going to get through it, one breath at a time. He underestimated my resolve. Ours was going to be a jury trial. My attorney planned on having me on the stand TWO DAYS, with the whole trial lasting a week. When FT X realized I was ready to go into court, he settled on eve of trial.

I wonder if your X is banking on the same thing - that YOU don't want this dirty mess aired. I was quite (that's an understatement) concerned about what my children would hear if the reporting of the trial was very in depth.

I think Nature-Girl's right, if your X does do this, the judge is not going to like it. For sure the evaluator isn't. God bless that person, too!

I can't wait for this part to be over, Choosing! You are stronger than you know. I feel we are somewhat forged, like steel, through the fires of all this. I know I feel quite a bit different...happier, calmer and now that the post-divorce contempt stuff has died down for the moment, I can sleep at night, too!

Nature_Girl posted 4/14/2014 15:19 PM

You've hit on a very important point, Compartmented. They think we are still the timid, terrified little mice they used to be able to bully & control. They think we still have all of their shame internalized. They think we still would do anything and even fall on our swords to avoid speaking THEIR disgusting deeds in public and avoid a scandal.

They don't realize that we are not who we used to be. If it means protecting our children, we'll do anything, say anything, to get the truth out there and see that they're safe.

Even though I was visibly shaking like a leaf when I walked into that courthouse, I was prepared to tell it all. In fact, when I found out that there had been a last-minute agreement in the judge's chambers and I would NOT, in fact, be testifying about my ex's sexual sickness or abuse, I was disappointed.

ChoosingHope posted 4/14/2014 16:40 PM

Wow, compartmented - a jury trial!

Mine is a three-day trial with a judge. And NG, he doesn't care what anyone knows about his SA and mental illness anymore. He cared once, but SA OW doesn't feel any shame, and he's been hanging out with her for about three years.

I don't see how he's going to argue with a nine-month custody evaluation. The material in there against him is devastating. The recommendation is actually that he loses time with the kids.

We'll see. And so my worrying continues.

Compartmented posted 4/14/2014 21:21 PM

And NG, he doesn't care what anyone knows about his SA and mental illness anymore. He cared once, but SA OW doesn't feel any shame, and he's been hanging out with her for about three years.
Choosing, does he not understand how depraved he will look, or does he truly not care how anyone sees him? My X is pretty delusional, but he doesn't want the mask to slip off in public. I think he's more sociopath than NPD, but he still doesn't want people to know what he does.

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