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Pass posted 4/14/2014 15:13 PM

Was just filling in some paperwork for the separation agreement. The whole time I couldn't help but think that this whole separation/divorce process would be so much nicer if I didn't have to deal with such a miserable twat while doing it.

I can hardly even wait until the day I get to tell her all the stuff I want. Shit's about to get real.

Faithful w/Love posted 4/14/2014 15:28 PM

miserable twat while doing it.
That made me laugh!!!!

I can hardly even wait until the day I get to tell her all the stuff I want. Shit's about to get real.

Same here! I can not wait to truly tell him about himself and all the shit I want to! It won't matter but at least I can say it and not have to live with the liar!

jagged posted 4/14/2014 15:47 PM

Best of luck, Pass. This, too, shall pass.

I can hardly even wait until the day I get to tell her all the stuff I want.

Neither could I. When that day finally came, I found a perverse satisfaction in not saying any of it. I still haven't.

YMMV.

GreatRoleModel posted 4/14/2014 15:50 PM

I can hardly even wait until the day I get to tell her all the stuff I want.

I use to think this all the time but then have come to a point that I know he wants my "approval" for his decisions still and to talk with him good or bad so he can state his case again to change my mind. So since I am basically NC he has no idea what I think anymore and therefore his imagination works in overdrive and I actually am taking pleasure in the fact that he does not get my approval, disapproval, or thoughts about his decisions anymore. I stated my thoughts and feelings during R and that was his chance to listen, he doesn't get the pleasure anymore of my sarcasm and intellect anymore. Crickets is the most wonderful, gratifying, fulfilling, peaceful sound in the world. That is my revenge especially for an NPD.

nowiknow23 posted 4/14/2014 15:56 PM

I can hardly even wait until the day I get to tell her all the stuff I want.

Neither could I. When that day finally came, I found a perverse satisfaction in not saying any of it. I still haven't.
Word. Go kick some separation agreement ass, pass.

betrayedidiot posted 4/14/2014 16:17 PM

I have had those thoughts too. It is the only benefit to this whole disaster -- getting to take his money and watch him suffer! I love visualizing him in the tiny little dump apartment he has moved into!

Leia posted 4/14/2014 17:21 PM

I'm going to take something near and dear to his heart--not the kids, but the first thing after them. As I understand the law, it is mine. Can't wait for that one!

Pass posted 4/14/2014 22:19 PM

I can hardly even wait until the day I get to tell her all the stuff I want.

I think some of you may have misunderstood. I meant I can't wait to tell her the stuff I want to have, NOT the stuff I want to say.

Telling her the stuff I would really like to say would have zero effect on that soulless harpy. I've gotten to the point where I don't feel the need to say it anymore. Would love to, but don't need to.

But she will lose her frigging mind when she finds out I want my equity out of the home. I'm afraid of it, but am also looking forward to it a little!

[This message edited by Pass at 10:20 PM, April 14th, 2014 (Monday)]

GreatRoleModel posted 4/14/2014 22:37 PM

Go for it! Sorry for the misunderstanding.

nekorb posted 4/14/2014 22:46 PM

OMG pass...

When I first read this I was like...is he talking about his L? Her L? Or The Princess herself?

I also thought you meant speaking your mind...but since you didn't...why on EARTH would she think you aren't going to ask for your equity in the house? Seriously?

Make sure you leave some negotiating room on that list, k?

SBB posted 4/14/2014 23:48 PM

But she will lose her frigging mind when she finds out I want my equity out of the home. I'm afraid of it, but am also looking forward to it a little!

Does she really think you're not going to go for half of your marital assets? Really? Wow. I'll grab some popcorn then because shit is about to get real.

What a fuckwit. Seriously.

wonderpets posted 4/15/2014 01:50 AM

Pass.... One my my favorite moments was the asset distribution chat I had with my XWW. Since we had next to zero in other assets, I told her that all I wanted was the difference between our 401k money. Hers was about twice mine.

She said something like "but that's my money!". Made me laugh.

Pass posted 4/15/2014 08:36 AM

Does she really think you're not going to go for half of your marital assets? Really? Wow. I'll grab some popcorn then because shit is about to get real.

This is my fault. When I was moving out, I felt very guilty about the fact that I wasn't going to be seeing, or helping with, my kids during the work week. I also had a pile of lingering guilt from my suicide attempt.

So at the time I told her that I wouldn't take my half of the home equity, because I wanted to make sure the kids didn't have any more upheaval in their lives by having to move to a new house. I also left both cars for her, since I would be living in the city and could take the bus.

I met with my lawyer a few months ago, and she said, "I understand that you feel some guilt over moving out, and possibly for your suicide attempt, but that doesn't mean you should be destitute." She encouraged me to get my home equity, and to ask for spousal support. What I didn't realize is that The Princess would have to refinance the house anyhow, to get my name off the mortgage, so she would be able to get at that money without any immediate hardship. I'm trading off the spousal support for child support (she wins on that deal) but I want my home equity.

Of course, I haven't told her this yet, because I'm scared - I've never liked pissing her off.

And since then, she has done the following:

- Donated one car and sold the other (both were paid off!), and then bought a brand new, bigger car).

- Had natural gas hooked up to the house, and bought a new natural gas furnace. The old oil furnace was probably good for another seven or eight years.

- Gave away the large (expensive) play structure from the backyard.

- Bought an expensive fire pit for the back yard.

- Bought a cord of wood to burn in the fire pit, and fireplace, for all her romantic evenings with Rig Pig.

- Bought a shitload of expensive new clothes for herself.

- Bought a large flat screen tv for her bedroom. She had three unused sets in the basement that she could have used.

- Went WAY overboard on xmas and birthday gifts for the boys.

- Took a trip to Cuba over xmas holidays.

- Took the boys (and Rig Pig) on a trip to Florida for March Break, and missed their flight home, so she had to pay for two extra nights.

- Cried to me on a regular basis about how she's living paycheque to paycheque.


Dude, she will not go gently into this good night.

Dadtryingtocope posted 4/15/2014 09:52 AM

She's about to get a reality check and she may not be able to cash that check.

Your lawyer is right, you shouldn't live any less of a lifestyle while she lives high on the hog. She destroyed the marriage, you are just getting what is rightfully yours. You are entitled to that. You earned that (and realistically probably more).

Take it from those of us who built our financial standings for our families and then got cleaned out by lying, cheating spouses. You more than deserve this. Please take what you are entitled too. It certainly will make those of us who got taken feel a little better that the system is benefiting those who are in the right as well.

And you can't be concerned with pissing her off. She is getting what she deserves. You are releasing her. It all comes at a price.

jagged posted 4/15/2014 10:17 AM

If I had a nickel for all the shit (assets) XWW said she wasn't going to ask for, I'd...have a lot of nickels.

(She'd watched her own mom [serial cheater] screw over a series of ex-husbands to get what was "rightfully due" her, and it always bothered her...so she had this weird guilt/gallantry/"See, I'm better than she was" thing going on early in our D process. It didn't last, of course - that's what lawyers are for, after all)

I've realized that one of the most enjoyable benefits of us not being married anymore, and having a legally-defined business relationship going forward, is that that worn-out, "but you said" argument used between people with mutual emotional attachment is completely meaningless.

Yeah, I said. Now I'm saying this. Shit changes...sign here.

Fear not, brother. The worst you can expect is quid pro quo from here forward...

[This message edited by jagged at 10:18 AM, April 15th (Tuesday)]

DepressedDaddy posted 4/15/2014 12:38 PM

As everyone always says, watch the paper trail. It can benefit you and it can damage you. So far so good for me, but I am always thinking that something is going to bite me around the corner...hell, this A bit me and bit me hard!

Every time the logical side of my brain is working, I try and work on this stuff and get her to respond. When my emotional side is kicking, God only knows what's going to come out, so I try and stay away from that.

Pass posted 4/15/2014 13:34 PM

Thanks. Yep, I definitely don't feel badly about taking things from her. The problem is that I spent 17 years of marriage trying to avoid making her mad. That's a seriously ingrained habit. It really pisses me off that I still fear her anger. I mean it's not like she used to beat on me or anything. I just wanted to avoid the "twattiness" that was always a result.

How did I become this weak, frightened thing?

jagged posted 4/15/2014 14:01 PM

You and me, both, Pass. I was the same way, and no, my XWW didn't beat on me, either...I had the same habits, and she knew them, to the extent that she knew just how to go on the offensive when she was accused of something. Looking back now, I'm ashamed. I don't know how I got there, either, in a relationship I felt began as two equals.

It sure feels good to not be there anymore. I shudder to think that was the model my two girls would've grown up thinking was "normal".

Faithful w/Love posted 4/15/2014 14:12 PM

Who gives a shit if she gets pissed? Did she care what you would feel when she had an A? Did she care what you would feel if she hurt you?

What is she going to really do to you for taking what is rightfully yours? NOTHING! She has to give you your part and refinance. That is it. Let her be mad.. who give a shit!

She must make a lot of money to be throwing money away like she has.... Tell her I need some... The Faithful w/Love Charity...lol

Pass posted 4/15/2014 14:17 PM

I had the same habits, and she knew them, to the extent that she knew just how to go on the offensive when she was accused of something.

That's exactly how it was for me. It wasn't even anything all that obvious all the time. It could just be a slightly icier tone or facial expression from her (and trust me, she knows how to ice!), and all objections on my part were killed before they even arose in my mind.

It sure feels good to not be there anymore. I shudder to think that was the model my two girls would've grown up thinking was "normal".

Yep, there were a lot of things that made me decide to separate. One of them was that I wanted to model strength for my boys. I feel good about that.

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