We had sex almost every day, and that is the truth. I was adventurous, attentive, I adored him. I stroked his ego, baked, cooked, encouraged him every day. I very deliberately, consciously thought, "I am not going to give him reason to stray."
He strayed, like a dog. Like an old-fashioned mid-life crisis cliche. He is the ultimate cliche, and he turned me into a cliche and it is so very, very insulting. There are men all over this planet who would be MORE than happy to have a faithful, loving, attentive, supportive wife like me. I am somebody's dream.
I just want to say that. I have always been a good wife, and it is SO insulting to always hear, "You must not have been taking care of him." HE was not taking care of ME. That is why he was f***ing someone else.
BS me 41
WH 42 his whore was my friend
Married 24 years
Finally finding R?
3 kids 3 grand kids
DDay 1 -Jan 2 2014
DDay 2 -Feb 20 2014 A went underground fo
I feel your pain.
I hear you. I get it.
One of the reasons wh adored chickie was that she appreciated him.
One of the many reasons he didn't like me was that I didn't appreciate him.... Yup, those notes I left in his shirt pockets, the texts, the public affirmation in front of family in friends --- pure un-appreciation. Ass.
He didn't like it when I called bullshit on that particular line of stupidity.
blah, blah, blah
stupid, stupid, stupid.
It was and is insulting.
I have NEVER been insulted like this. I'm sorry plainpain that some clown had the audacity and bad taste to tell you this.
I think I would have given him/her a hammer fist to the temple at minimum if someone dared blame ME for his morally bankrupt soul.
I'm glad you know that this perception is so backwards, and that you have nothing to do with his decision.
I too felt that with everything I gave my ex, I would be cherished and loved forever. The thoughtful actions, the little things I did for him, the way I always, always gave him what he needed.
But I could never give him integrity, or honesty, or self-awareness, or self-esteem, or a moral compass and degree of selfless and empathy. So there was no 'enough' with him, no point where he could be happy and appreciative and content. It's just not who he is or how he is wired.
He threw away an amazing woman in you.
And yet, the anonymous letter I received on Dday said he "must not have been happy at home".
People are just ignorant.
PP, count me as one of the men on the planet who would be more than happy to love you right.
Neithan, yep I 'was' a soul-crushing pig. Her family blames it on me...heck they blame the whole marriage on me. No looking in the mirror for that crew.
For me, I have to figure out why I care about the views of these others.
We had sex almost every day, and that is the truth. I was adventurous, attentive, I adored him.
Someone would have be buying me jewelry - on a regular basis - in order to get that treatment everyday. LOL.
I've often said it and I'll say it again. Most of the time, it's a thankless, thankless job dedicating yourself to someone and knocking yourself out to please them in every way because the chances are pretty good that if given the opportunity, they'll kick you right in the face for it.
No good deed goes unpunished. Ain't love grand?
I hear ya Plainpain. Been there and done that.
My H fully admits he was selfish during the As. I assume your H admits the same. Sometimes I wish they'd put it up on a billboard so everyone would get that message, but that's not going to happen. And Good Lord deliver me from the therapists who automatically state something must be wrong in the marriage for someone to stray! Sometimes people aren't happy for reasons that have absolutely nothing to do with their spouse, and always their decision to stray is entirely on them. You can make me absolutely miserable (and my H has) and I'm not going to have an A. I believe I've proved that.
Getting to a point where the opinions of others don't matter is so important.
Someone that cares so little for your pain, that doesn't bother to try to understand isn't worth your energy.
People that haven't been in our shoes truly have no idea what this ride is all about.
Generalizations are worthless, but until you are in a position to understand their damage it isn't always something one sees.
The negative energy isn't helpful, let their opinions go.
If I had any more sex with WH, we would both be in the hospital dehydrated and exhausted. It's he that has to keep up with me, though I think we are basically equally matched. So it's not that. (If he had an A, I'm still in the dark). I've been told I'm beautiful and look 10 years younger than my age, and I know at the age of OW she wouldn't have held a candle to my 20-something yr old self! So I'm not really threatened on that side. It must suck to go through what should be your best looking years not really that great
What get's me is the clichés that have somehow, and I don't know how, became stereotypes. In movies, media, and our collective psyche. Here's the clichés I see portrayed and perpetuated:
OW - attractive, sexual, always sexually available, mysterious OR sweetly attentive, attracts exciting life experiences
BW - not as attractive, cold, nagging, not sensual, not sexual, does not attract exciting life experiences
WH - viewed as a dog but generally is accepted because "men need sex", more sexual than his BW, accepted as acting on justified primal impulses
WW - ? not sure, don't have enough insight into this one!
OM - "took" the BH's woman and therefore has an alpha quality about him
I hate hate hate! these stereotypes! I would love to start seeing BW portrayed as the beautiful, sexy ones; BH portrayed as the alpha male; OW portrayed as the ugly, attention-whoring creatures that they are; and so on! I wonder if changing perceptions would eventually change behavior?
I tell people I am tired but really my heart is broken and I am sad.
SO insulting to always hear, "You must not have been taking care of him." HE was not taking care of ME. That is why he was f***ing someone else
I wish that I was the kind of woman that could cheat on him. I bet people would not say that about him. They would call me a SLUT.
I'm getting mad now. I better log off and go finish dinner.
Both feet pointed forward; positive
I only supported him because I was his wife, not because I wanted to. I only had sex with him because he wanted to, not because I enjoyed it. I faked everything, apparently. I never really respected him. He was so twisted in his thinking. When the 'entitlement' kicked in, everything I did for him was because he was entitled. It was the least I could do. He had me and OW both working overtime to please him. So gross.
OMG this sounds like what my fWH thought too. So spot on and it is revolting. My head spins if I think about it too long.