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We’ve been married 8 years with two kids between us and one step son (that I accepted since birth). In the beginning of my decision to D, he had been very agreeable in our discussions: joint custody, not telling the kids until we could do so calmly. Well, he has reversed things and now he says he spoke to a lawyer and will fight me for full custody, and he also told our kids after a heated discussion. He keeps arguing in front of the kids, despite that I chose not to participate in it. He’s very hostile in his arguing and says things in front of the children he should not. We rent our home, and I need to move because he is irrational. For example, he has stolen my things and have damaged them. All day long he is sending irate texts.

I really need help with a plan. I can’t afford to retain a lawyer upfront and was hoping to do the initial filing through a paralegal or legal service to at least get the ball rolling, and retain a lawyer if he really does fight me. I don’t know how to split our finances and our bills, as they are very month to month out of one shared checking account. And, I don’t know if I can find a place and just move my kids, without suffering from backlash from taking them from their “home”. He told me he will not allow me to remove them from their home.

[This message edited by differentNow at 11:05 AM, April 15th (Tuesday)]

My first thought, consult with an attorney to get a better idea of what you're facing and where you stand legally and determine what you can and can not do. Some are free, but even $150-$200 is worth it.

I would also carry a recorder around not only to document his behavior but for protection. He is driven by anger and who knows what claims he may start making against you.

I'm sorry you are faced with this...in front of the kids no less!

From what you're describing, he's retained the services of a "father's rights" lawyer and intends to take your children from you (both physically as well as emotionally/psychologically) and destroy you in all other ways.

You need to learn about the father's rights movement and amass a large amount of legal knowledge ASAP, or you're facing losing your children. You need to learn about how fathers alienate children from their mothers. You need to legally protect yourself and your access to the children ASAP.

I urge you to contact a Domestic Violence center in your area immediately. No, not to move there. However, they should have connections to services & professionals who can help you.

So sorry you're going through this. The first thing I would do is get half the money out of the joint account, and if you're job is on direct deposit, then I would set up a new account and get your finances secure. I got cleaned out, and I would not recommend that avenue for anyone.

Second, I would take the advice of the others and get educated in the legal system real fast. Knowing what your rights are and how to proceed are the best ways in making a plan. Also follow the other's advice and get some of this on tape. A recording is the best way to protect yourself against the accusations that may be coming your way.

Best of luck. I know it sucks to be here, but you can make it through.