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Newest Member: farmgrl (61811)

User Topic: AP rang WH
♀ 42975
Member # 42975
Default  Posted: 11:06 AM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was putting our toddler to sleep tonight when WH's phone rang. I recognised the number straight away as the AP. When WH came back into the room I made him ring her on speaker phone without her knowing I was listening. She crapped on about how she wanted to make sure he was ok and that she wanted closure. He said all the NC things again but she kept on. Eventually I took the phone and asked her what she hoped to achieve and why she didn't understand that he has chosen me. She hung up on me.

WH has put a blocker on his phone so that if she rings or texts him again it won't connect through.

He said he will tell me if she tries to make further contact but he won't speak to her etc. what else can he do? If he was confronted should he say anything or just ignore her?

DD April Fools Day 2014 (unfortunately no joke)

BS (me) 40
WH 38
OW - a friend of WH for 5 years

4 month EA which turned into a 5 month PA

married 19 and 7 kids

He has now decided he can't do it anymore and left

Posts: 366 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Australia
♀ 38241
Member # 38241
Default  Posted: 11:16 AM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

maybe change his number to make it really difficult for her to contact

Posts: 136 | Registered: Jan 2013
♀ 31349
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 11:23 AM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How would he be confronted? Like, in public?

Changing his number would help if the block somehow fails.

Intellectually we know that ignoring the AP as a team is the best way to send the message that they don't matter. Emotionally, we want to tell them how much they hurt us and how awful we think that they are. The thing is, when you and your WH took the call you gave her an audience. For many desperate AP's grasping at straws, they'll take bad attention over no attention.

Blocking her and silence are the proven methods of letting her know that she has no place in either of your lives.


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." - Deeply Scared's mom

Posts: 29076 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
♀ 37933
Member # 37933
Default  Posted: 11:31 AM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm going to vote for ignore.

The "wanted to make sure you were ok" thing is indicative of a severe personality disorder, and not a good sign.
(Wtf is it even her problem if he is ok? If he had been hit by a car and was in the hospital you'd be the one taking care of him anyway.)

If you give her anyyyything, she will continue. If she reaches out to you 10 times and you finally lose it and shriek "leave us alone" she will understand that all she has to do is harass you 10 times to get you to respond.

At this point she has closure. The wife has found out, her married man is gone, the affair is over. Tale as old as time.

Personally I say block every way for her to contact you, if you get a call from an unusual number, don't answer, she might try calling you from one of her friend's phones. And there are ways to verify that and then you can block those numbers too.

Best wishes.

Posts: 421 | Registered: Dec 2012
♀ 42970
Member # 42970
Default  Posted: 11:34 AM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He should tell her that he does not want any contact from her and that continuing to contact him constitutes harassment and that he will press charges against her if she continues.

BW (me): 43 WH (him): 51
3 adult kids (his, mine, and ours)
D-day: 10/4/13. Married 21 years. Numerous A's spanning 19 years and a 11 year PA with my sister. A went underground for a year after D-day. Polygraph on 1/11/17. He passed.

Posts: 6668 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: United States
♀ 41761
Member # 41761
Default  Posted: 12:15 PM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, have him change his number. It's as simple as that!

Always know if the juice is worth the squeeze...

ME: 33
WBF: 30
Together 10 years
1 doggie, 1 Cat
DDay: June 24, 2013
IN R...Working at it every day.

Posts: 818 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Pennsylvania
♀ 43098
Member # 43098
Default  Posted: 9:31 PM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She was just desperately grasping. I think blocking her number is a good start. At least with Verizon, the primary account holder gets an email when you make a change like blocking a number. All of our emails go through his account since he's the primary holder but I go and periodically check to see if he's unblocked it.

Married-6 years
Found out-4/10/14 when a bladder infection appeared out of nowhere.

Posts: 12 | Registered: Apr 2014
Topic Posts: 7

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