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Unagie (original poster member #37091) posted at 1:04 AM on Wednesday, April 16th, 2014
You know what I miss? Lazy days in bed just holding each other and laughing. Kissing him whenever for whatever reason. Saying I love you and feeling loved in return. Hugs, caring' concern, feeling like I was important. The way he used to look at me. I feel so utterly alone even when in a room with others. I love my BFF and her husband and my brother and sister in law but find it hard to be around them as all it does is hurt my heart to know I lost what they have. It sounds bitterly jealous and it is but thats where i am right now.
nowiknow23 ( member #33226) posted at 1:10 AM on Wednesday, April 16th, 2014
You can call me NIK
And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane
Merlin ( member #30221) posted at 1:11 AM on Wednesday, April 16th, 2014
Do not let others be your reference for who you see in the mirror.
"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself." D. H. Lawrence
Her: WW/57 Me: BS/63 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11
gypsybird87 ( member #39193) posted at 2:31 AM on Wednesday, April 16th, 2014
((unagie))
I hear you and I so relate. Mostly I'm doing really well, then something hits me like a punch to the stomach. Yesterday, it was a couple walking down the street and holding hands. Just that, nothing more... and suddenly all I can think of is how much I loved holding his hand. So big and strong, and always warm no matter how cold it was. UGH.
Bitter, jealous... whatever it is, I'm right there with you. I just miss feeling like I matter to someone. 
Me: Enjoying life
Him: Someone else's problem
Follow your heart, but take your brain with you. ~ Alfred Adler
Letting go of the outcome is about the most empowering thing you can do for yourself. ~ LosferWords
Caretaker1 ( member #42777) posted at 2:35 AM on Wednesday, April 16th, 2014
I miss that too. Just keep pushing each day.
nekorb ( member #40306) posted at 4:09 AM on Wednesday, April 16th, 2014
Yeah. Me too. I miss just being held in his arms after a tough day. Or a kiss. Or feeling like no matter what, there's this one person who will always have my back.
(((Hugs)))
Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 M - 22 Years
D-day: 7/2013; D filed 7/2014; Divorced 7-27-16
...the WS affair starts off in a dreamland where everything is all Golly, Wow! and Meant To Be! and Soul Mates drop from the trees to frolic in the mist. -devotedman
SBB ( member #35229) posted at 4:11 AM on Wednesday, April 16th, 2014
When I'm feeling wistful I remind myself of the cost of those things. It was too great and not worth these little comforts.
The good news is you CAN have all of that stuff again. I'm getting all of the things I missed from others now. I love and I am loved - and I don't need to tolerate emotional abuse to give or receive it. It isn't exactly the same but then again I'm also not being cheated on or put down.
Something I read in a tag line here comes to mind: "Always know if the juice is worth the squeeze."
I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!
norabird ( member #42092) posted at 6:16 AM on Wednesday, April 16th, 2014
((((Unagie)))))
I relate. Yes, it's a huge hole that is left. But you will fill it. Sometimes just with a small pebble or two, sometimes with strong, sturdy boulders. Sometimes your new additions will crumble, and you will feel defeated, and hurt. But bit by bit you will become whole again on your own.
I'm so sorry for your pain now, though. Sending peace and strength.
crazynot ( member #24572) posted at 7:17 AM on Wednesday, April 16th, 2014
I used to feel like that, then I remembered it had literally been YEARS since any of that happened.
Me - 50
Him - 51
DDay 21 March 2009
Divorcing and delighted!
Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it.
mof2 ( member #40287) posted at 1:18 PM on Wednesday, April 16th, 2014
(((Unagie)))
I understand but now getting to the point where I don't miss it because I understand now that the person who "loved" me so much and I laughed with and hugged me with so much love is no longer that person.
Your WH will continue on in his fog and might wake up from it one day and you will have moved on into a better place stronger than you have ever been in your life.
Don't be envious of other relationships. They all have there problems but marriage is work and some people understand that it is worth the work. You will find that person and look back on WH and 
BW - Me 43
WH - Cheating Swine 43
Dday - February 12, 2013....a week before I was to give birth to the child I miscarried and 12 days before our 5th anniversary.
debbysbaby ( member #32962) posted at 1:42 PM on Wednesday, April 16th, 2014
I too used to feel like that. No longer. I came to realize how empty his "love" for me was. I am whole and fulfilled without him now but it took time and growth. I now see my marriage to him as my biggest mistake. The entire course of my life was set on a difficult course by me marrying him and having my children with him. I am just sorry I missed my chance to do those things with someone genuine.
-betrayed almost my whole almost 15 yr marriage
-divorced since 2004
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