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Is R possible if he is not sure? 2 weeks and 4 days from Dday

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brokeninhalf4034 posted 4/15/2014 20:27 PM

We had our first MC tonight, basically asked what we wanted to get from this. He said that we wasn’t sure if he wanted R because he wan’t to know what was wrong with him that allowed this to happened. He says that he doesn’t want to ever cause me this much pain again. Thus he has to figure out way the A happened in the first place. What was wrong with him that he allowed A to happen.
Part of me respects that. The other part of me calls “bullshit”. Just an excuse to not have to flight like hell to get me back. To get us back. Just a way to make him “look” better in other peoples (family/friends) eyes. Like he is trying. But not really.

Am I wasting my time with this person? Maybe I should just cut the cord and move on. But part of me knows how much I do love. Don’t I owe it to myself to see if a life after the A is possible?

standingonmarble posted 4/15/2014 20:34 PM

It took fDH 18 months before he could fully R. And he worked that long to figure out he wanted me. I insisted on more counseling after we moved back in together and he got the root of it after that. He had a lot to work out!

As long as he stays motivated and keeps showing you with actions that he is invested in R, you have something to work with. Its good he can verbalize the pain he caused you, but consistently going to therapy will show you he means business. This takes time.

Are you willing to invest the time?

LA44 posted 4/15/2014 20:48 PM

To be blunt...too soon to tell brokeninhalf.

You are so early in. You need not making any decisions. I remember a family member telling me not to make any major decisions while I was in such an emotional state. I don't know if this is good advice or poor advice but I took it and today I am glad about that.

Actions, actions, actions. Watch his actions. Do they match up with his words?

And I would suggest IC for him. That will get to the ROOT of why he made this decision. You can do MC at the same time but really, the A is for him to own and investigate.

Keep reading (both check out the Healing Library). Keep posting.

brokensmile322 posted 4/15/2014 20:54 PM

I would not make any major decisions right now.

I would also suggest IC for you. It really helps to talk with someone and to work through all your emotions and feelings. It will get you strong. He needs to figure the A stuff out, true. But you do not need to sit around and wait. You can start working on yourself, healing yourself.

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