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How do u view ur ex

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tryin2bhappy posted 4/15/2014 21:13 PM

I saw my ex-h for the 1st time in about 6 months at child support court. He didn't say one word to me and we were sitting at the table together. Our son just got out of the hospital and he didnt even ask about him. I'm ashamed to call him my ex-h or even my child's father.
It amazes me how a person you took vows to and said you would spend the rest of your life with becomes the person you disgust the most. I don't hate him, but I do despise the person he became. I can't believe that a person I once thought was so wonderful, could be such a deadbeat, sorry, pathetic man.

Caretaker1 posted 4/15/2014 21:38 PM

Works both ways. It's awful, but part of the game.

Lonelygirl10 posted 4/15/2014 21:39 PM

I feel indifferent to him. I think he did a lot of screwed up stuff to me, but I don't wish any harm to him. I even hope he's able to figure his crap out and be happy someday.

GabyBaby posted 4/15/2014 21:39 PM

How do I view my ex?
Preferably from my rear view mirror...after I've run him over.

Bluebird26 posted 4/15/2014 21:52 PM

I view him as the father of my children only.

I no longer hate him or wish ill on him he is non factor to my life.

I do however wish he would get the help he needs to be a better more responsible father for our children and to put them first but highly doubt that will ever happen.

tesla posted 4/15/2014 21:59 PM

@ Gaby

How do I view my ex?
I suppose it depends on the day.
You know, I saw a picture of him recently and it was supposed to be a happy family shot. But he was not happy. His eyes were dead. No life, no sparkle, no joy. I guess that's how I view him now. He is a joyless person with no hope. And I would pity him except this is his own handiwork. I think of him as a Shakespearean tragic hero with a fatal flaw that destroyed him.

I should also mention that I've enjoyed his downfall.

SBB posted 4/15/2014 22:01 PM

He's not even a shell of the man I thought I married. Barely recognisable physically - like a troll version. Like in the movie Shallow Hal.

Emotionally I feel nothing but revulsion having to be in his presence. He makes me gag so I don't look at him directly - his eyes on me make my skin crawl.

I have only one photo of him and I haven't looked at it since I packed it away. It is a group shot of the wedding - the biggest act of fraud he perpetuated on me. I don't think I'll ever look at it again. I've kept it in case my girls ever ask.

I loved this man once - with all of my heart. Not who he is but who he pretended to be. Who I pretended he was in the dying years of our M. That is just so scary to me now.

I'm no longer sad for me but I am sad for that scared young woman who ignored her screaming gut. She ignored it until she became a shell herself.

It can be very confusing in the early days. I remember looking at his hands after S - I used to look at them a lot and I was so proud to see our matching wedding bands. Where once they looked so strong and kind now they looked wicked. His scruffy 3 day growth which I used to love now makes him look dirty, unkempt, ragged.

Just like Shallow Hal now that I see him for who he is inside these traits I once found endearing are now menacing.

I see you now. I cannot unsee you.

Be gentle with yourself.

Dreamboat posted 4/15/2014 23:06 PM

I can't believe that a person I once thought was so wonderful, could be such a deadbeat, sorry, pathetic man.

Yep, that pretty much sums it up. I literally just shake my head at the life he now leads and the person he has become. I came to the conclusion that when he was with me he was always playing a part that he thought made him worthy in my eyes. And he was. But it was fake. I have to commend him that he played the part pretty well for 20 years, but ultimately the mask fell away and I finally discovered the ugly truth he tried to hide from me -- that he was not worthy of me. He always knew it. Now I know it too.

gotmylifeback posted 4/15/2014 23:33 PM

The thought of her actions and words during our marriage (including but in addition to her affair) still makes my blood boil sometimes. I actual refer to her as "the ex" and can't seem to even say her name. Maybe it's my way of detaching. Or, maybe it's because I don't respect her enough to use her personal name.

As I have learned more about borderline personality disorder, I have actually felt more sorry for her. My gut tells me that she will end up hospitalized or attempting suicide. Possibly a drug overdose or pissing off the wrong person. For the most part, I have forgiven her and moved on. But, I still shake my head in disbelief and ponder the wounds that I still carry.

suckstobeme posted 4/16/2014 01:58 AM

My actual view of him, on the rare occasions that we share the same space, is extremely blurry, thank God. I have horrible eyesight and luckily can just whip off my glasses when he's around so he's nothing but a blurred blob. Unfortunately, this remains my incentive to never have LASIK surgery.

My view of him from an emotional side is pretty much the same as everyone else. Some days, depending on what's happening or if there's an issue with the kids, I'm extremely pissed off for the choices he's made. Other days, I feel pity for him and is stupid choices and am glad I'm no longer tethered to such stupidity. Like Tesla, I see him as a very sad figure who is going to drown in a pool of his own making. The guy can't get out of his own way. He's almost 50 so that won't improve over time. He is what he is - a weak, sad, depressed functional alcoholic who simply can't cope with anything bad that happens in life.

Sadmumma posted 4/16/2014 04:45 AM

If only I could insert a puc of a 5 yo boy throwing a tantrum

Ann124 posted 4/16/2014 04:59 AM

We were together for 27 years and would have been married 26 years at the end of this month ... And I can truly say that I never really knew him only the person he projected for me to know.

How do I view him now ... lost, pathetic, a person that never had any character or integrity. This is the person that he had always been but now I just see him without the projection of what I wanted to believe and what he wanted me to believe.

EvenKeel posted 4/16/2014 07:13 AM

Physically: I can honestly say the last time I saw him caught me off guard. I was literally nauseous.

Emotionally: Nothing left there. Like others, I hope he does get help for himself but I just don't see that happening.

Dawnie posted 4/16/2014 07:37 AM

I view him as:

-- An aging grey, fat late 40's man trying to hold on to his youth with a 20 something whore of a wife.

-- A sad excuse for a father

-- A person with an "its all about me" logic

I am so glad to be rid of him

Whalers11 posted 4/16/2014 08:15 AM

My ex was always in pretty good shape and looked young for his age. He was active and athletic and had a lot of energy.

This whole thing that definitely aged him a lot. He looks every bit of the 40-something he is. He looks tired. No life in his eyes. It's sad, really.

He became a stranger to me overnight in so many ways. I think that's partually my fault, though. I always looked at him and saw his potential. Not who he really was. But he never reached any of his potential and always had some excuse for why someone else was sabotaging him.

I will never date anyone again for who I think they can be. I will assume that what I see is what I'm getting...

Williesmom posted 4/16/2014 08:46 AM

My ex is just someone that I used to know. That's it.

Helen of Troy posted 4/16/2014 08:50 AM

I saw him in person last Thursday.
He has gained a lot of weight, and basically when he saw me he hung his head and looked at the floor.

I try not to view him at all mentally or in person.

NikkiD posted 4/16/2014 09:00 AM

He's "their dad".

I always believe that parenting and being a spouse are two different skill sets on at their core. He is and alwasy was an awesome dad. He is cool, yet commanding, and a total goof ball. The kind of dude that would tear a hamstring playing too hard with the kiddos.

However, parents dont necesarily have to be their kid's "team mate".

He sucks as a team player. And his current team is a complete clusterfuck at that.

I feel indifferent to him. I think he did a lot of screwed up stuff to me, but I don't wish any harm to him. I even hope he's able to figure his crap out and be happy someday.

^^^^ spot on

NikkiD posted 4/16/2014 09:01 AM

He became a stranger to me overnight in so many ways. I think that's partually my fault, though. I always looked at him and saw his potential. Not who he really was. But he never reached any of his potential and always had some excuse for why someone else was sabotaging him.

I will never date anyone again for who I think they can be. I will assume that what I see is what I'm getting...


^^^^^this..once I owened that I too did that...everything really did get easier.

Merlin posted 4/16/2014 09:48 AM

She is a court-ordered couple of checks a month and a parasite.

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