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Newest Member: Eyeswideopennow (46045)

User Topic: How do u view ur ex
tryin2bhappy
♀ 36505
Member # 36505
Default  Posted: 9:13 PM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I saw my ex-h for the 1st time in about 6 months at child support court. He didn't say one word to me and we were sitting at the table together. Our son just got out of the hospital and he didnt even ask about him. I'm ashamed to call him my ex-h or even my child's father.
It amazes me how a person you took vows to and said you would spend the rest of your life with becomes the person you disgust the most. I don't hate him, but I do despise the person he became. I can't believe that a person I once thought was so wonderful, could be such a deadbeat, sorry, pathetic man.


Married 9/19/09
DDay 8/5/12
Separation 1/19/13

Divorce filed 1/2/14
Divorce Final 3/24/14
Moving right along, whether I want to or not


Posts: 17 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Atlanta
Caretaker1
♂ 42777
Member # 42777
Default  Posted: 9:38 PM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Works both ways. It's awful, but part of the game.

Posts: 234 | Registered: Mar 2014
Lonelygirl10
♀ 39850
Member # 39850
Default  Posted: 9:39 PM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel indifferent to him. I think he did a lot of screwed up stuff to me, but I don't wish any harm to him. I even hope he's able to figure his crap out and be happy someday.


30 Bgf
Dday: April 2013
Relationship ended: January 2014

Posts: 1346 | Registered: Jul 2013
GabyBaby
♀ 26928
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 9:39 PM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How do I view my ex?
Preferably from my rear view mirror...after I've run him over.


Me - 42
SorryInSac (STBX WH#2) - 47. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - Done

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW) - Legally married 18yrs

I edit often for clarity/typos.


Posts: 6741 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
Bluebird26
♀ 36445
Member # 36445
Default  Posted: 9:52 PM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I view him as the father of my children only.

I no longer hate him or wish ill on him he is non factor to my life.

I do however wish he would get the help he needs to be a better more responsible father for our children and to put them first but highly doubt that will ever happen.


"Loving someone should not mean losing you. Love empowers you. It shouldn't erase you. - Thelma Davis.

Posts: 1409 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
tesla
♀ 34697
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 9:59 PM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@ Gaby

How do I view my ex?
I suppose it depends on the day.
You know, I saw a picture of him recently and it was supposed to be a happy family shot. But he was not happy. His eyes were dead. No life, no sparkle, no joy. I guess that's how I view him now. He is a joyless person with no hope. And I would pity him except this is his own handiwork. I think of him as a Shakespearean tragic hero with a fatal flaw that destroyed him.

I should also mention that I've enjoyed his downfall.


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4835 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
SBB
♀ 35229
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 10:01 PM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He's not even a shell of the man I thought I married. Barely recognisable physically - like a troll version. Like in the movie Shallow Hal.

Emotionally I feel nothing but revulsion having to be in his presence. He makes me gag so I don't look at him directly - his eyes on me make my skin crawl.

I have only one photo of him and I haven't looked at it since I packed it away. It is a group shot of the wedding - the biggest act of fraud he perpetuated on me. I don't think I'll ever look at it again. I've kept it in case my girls ever ask.

I loved this man once - with all of my heart. Not who he is but who he pretended to be. Who I pretended he was in the dying years of our M. That is just so scary to me now.

I'm no longer sad for me but I am sad for that scared young woman who ignored her screaming gut. She ignored it until she became a shell herself.

It can be very confusing in the early days. I remember looking at his hands after S - I used to look at them a lot and I was so proud to see our matching wedding bands. Where once they looked so strong and kind now they looked wicked. His scruffy 3 day growth which I used to love now makes him look dirty, unkempt, ragged.

Just like Shallow Hal now that I see him for who he is inside these traits I once found endearing are now menacing.

I see you now. I cannot unsee you.

Be gentle with yourself.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5735 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Dreamboat
♀ 10506
Member # 10506
Default  Posted: 11:06 PM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can't believe that a person I once thought was so wonderful, could be such a deadbeat, sorry, pathetic man.

Yep, that pretty much sums it up. I literally just shake my head at the life he now leads and the person he has become. I came to the conclusion that when he was with me he was always playing a part that he thought made him worthy in my eyes. And he was. But it was fake. I have to commend him that he played the part pretty well for 20 years, but ultimately the mask fell away and I finally discovered the ugly truth he tried to hide from me -- that he was not worthy of me. He always knew it. Now I know it too.


And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17695 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)
gotmylifeback
♂ 32693
Member # 32693
Default  Posted: 11:33 PM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The thought of her actions and words during our marriage (including but in addition to her affair) still makes my blood boil sometimes. I actual refer to her as "the ex" and can't seem to even say her name. Maybe it's my way of detaching. Or, maybe it's because I don't respect her enough to use her personal name.

As I have learned more about borderline personality disorder, I have actually felt more sorry for her. My gut tells me that she will end up hospitalized or attempting suicide. Possibly a drug overdose or pissing off the wrong person. For the most part, I have forgiven her and moved on. But, I still shake my head in disbelief and ponder the wounds that I still carry.


Her-Unremorseful, Wayward ex wife
Me-No longer a betrayed husband

Happily remarried.

"You are what you do. A man is defined by his actions, not his memory." - Kuato in Total Recall


Posts: 598 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: between Oz and Wonderland
suckstobeme
♀ 30853
Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 1:58 AM, April 16th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My actual view of him, on the rare occasions that we share the same space, is extremely blurry, thank God. I have horrible eyesight and luckily can just whip off my glasses when he's around so he's nothing but a blurred blob. Unfortunately, this remains my incentive to never have LASIK surgery.

My view of him from an emotional side is pretty much the same as everyone else. Some days, depending on what's happening or if there's an issue with the kids, I'm extremely pissed off for the choices he's made. Other days, I feel pity for him and is stupid choices and am glad I'm no longer tethered to such stupidity. Like Tesla, I see him as a very sad figure who is going to drown in a pool of his own making. The guy can't get out of his own way. He's almost 50 so that won't improve over time. He is what he is - a weak, sad, depressed functional alcoholic who simply can't cope with anything bad that happens in life.


BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Jan 2011
Sadmumma
♀ 42192
Member # 42192
Default  Posted: 4:45 AM, April 16th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If only I could insert a puc of a 5 yo boy throwing a tantrum


On any given day you have the power to say "my story is not going to end like this"
Me 41 BS
Him 41 WH
6 kids...7 weeks, 5,7,9,11&13
D day jan 29th 2014

Posts: 536 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Land down under
Ann124
♀ 29289
Member # 29289
Default  Posted: 4:59 AM, April 16th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We were together for 27 years and would have been married 26 years at the end of this month ... And I can truly say that I never really knew him only the person he projected for me to know.

How do I view him now ... lost, pathetic, a person that never had any character or integrity. This is the person that he had always been but now I just see him without the projection of what I wanted to believe and what he wanted me to believe.


Posts: 387 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Back Home ... And feeling Great!!
EvenKeel
♀ 24210
Member # 24210
Default  Posted: 7:13 AM, April 16th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Physically: I can honestly say the last time I saw him caught me off guard. I was literally nauseous.

Emotionally: Nothing left there. Like others, I hope he does get help for himself but I just don't see that happening.


Eyes are useless if the mind is blind.


Posts: 2274 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
Dawnie
♀ 26912
Member # 26912
Default  Posted: 7:37 AM, April 16th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I view him as:

-- An aging grey, fat late 40's man trying to hold on to his youth with a 20 something whore of a wife.

-- A sad excuse for a father

-- A person with an "its all about me" logic

I am so glad to be rid of him


DIVORCED! Remarried to a real man!
BW (me) - 41 (now 47)
WH (him) - 43 (now 48)
OW - 23 yr old foreign gold digging whore looking for her American meal ticket
1 14 yr old son (now 20)
married 20 years/together 25 years
D day - 9/23/2009 5pm

Posts: 804 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Mid Atlantic coast
Whalers11
♀ 27544
Member # 27544
Default  Posted: 8:15 AM, April 16th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My ex was always in pretty good shape and looked young for his age. He was active and athletic and had a lot of energy.

This whole thing that definitely aged him a lot. He looks every bit of the 40-something he is. He looks tired. No life in his eyes. It's sad, really.

He became a stranger to me overnight in so many ways. I think that's partually my fault, though. I always looked at him and saw his potential. Not who he really was. But he never reached any of his potential and always had some excuse for why someone else was sabotaging him.

I will never date anyone again for who I think they can be. I will assume that what I see is what I'm getting...


Me: BGF - 33

I gave you more than I ever got back
You left me here to forget about that
All the things you thought you had have gone
Let that be a lesson to you
-Richie Kotzen, "Special"


Posts: 2325 | Registered: Feb 2010
Williesmom
♀ 22870
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 8:46 AM, April 16th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My ex is just someone that I used to know. That's it.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7868 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
Helen of Troy
♀ 26419
Member # 26419
Funny  Posted: 8:50 AM, April 16th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I saw him in person last Thursday.
He has gained a lot of weight, and basically when he saw me he hung his head and looked at the floor.

I try not to view him at all mentally or in person.


Posts: 4729 | Registered: Dec 2009
NikkiD
♀ 38173
Member # 38173
Default  Posted: 9:00 AM, April 16th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He's "their dad".

I always believe that parenting and being a spouse are two different skill sets on at their core. He is and alwasy was an awesome dad. He is cool, yet commanding, and a total goof ball. The kind of dude that would tear a hamstring playing too hard with the kiddos.

However, parents dont necesarily have to be their kid's "team mate".

He sucks as a team player. And his current team is a complete clusterfuck at that.

I feel indifferent to him. I think he did a lot of screwed up stuff to me, but I don't wish any harm to him. I even hope he's able to figure his crap out and be happy someday.

^^^^ spot on


"Spoil me with Loyalty; I can finance myself...."
ME: BS-33
HE: WS-32
Married 3 years, known 20
2 kids
D-Day #1 12/30/12
False Recovery
D-Day #2 1/21/14
LTA 5 years-ish
Riding the "Struggle Bus"
Living apart....

Posts: 668 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Midwest
NikkiD
♀ 38173
Member # 38173
Default  Posted: 9:01 AM, April 16th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He became a stranger to me overnight in so many ways. I think that's partually my fault, though. I always looked at him and saw his potential. Not who he really was. But he never reached any of his potential and always had some excuse for why someone else was sabotaging him.

I will never date anyone again for who I think they can be. I will assume that what I see is what I'm getting...


^^^^^this..once I owened that I too did that...everything really did get easier.


"Spoil me with Loyalty; I can finance myself...."
ME: BS-33
HE: WS-32
Married 3 years, known 20
2 kids
D-Day #1 12/30/12
False Recovery
D-Day #2 1/21/14
LTA 5 years-ish
Riding the "Struggle Bus"
Living apart....

Posts: 668 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Midwest
Merlin
♂ 30221
Member # 30221
Default  Posted: 9:48 AM, April 16th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She is a court-ordered couple of checks a month and a parasite.


"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself." D. H. Lawrence

Her: WW/57 Me: BS/63 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11


Posts: 1164 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: East Coast
Topic Posts: 38
Pages: 1 · 2

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