SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Gah. This asshole really gives me whiplash. Last week, I stated I'd appreciate all communication to be through text or email because he was nothing but hateful when speaking in person. Today he was civil to my face when dropping off our 2 year old.

Then I received a phone call from his mom asking to pick up our son tomorrow and every Wednesday from here on (unless she is offered a shift at work, in which case she'll call me the morning of to let me know she won't make it). STBXWH is supposed to pick him up at 5:30 (He's always late.) and he then takes him to his mom's house for dinner. To do this, he backtracks about 30 minutes after leaving my house. A few weeks ago, I allowed his mom to pick up our son in the early afternoon and play with him until the Jerk arrived. It gives her some fun time with him, and it helps the Jerk out. So when she asked, I said okay and I'll confirm that it's fine with the Jerk.

I texted him to make sure it's okay. He responded really nastily. I texted back that I was only trying to make sure we're on the same page with our son's schedule. His response: "Can u stop texting me after DS goes to bed."

I want to write him an email notifying him that I'm no longer his secretary and that he should do his own planning with his family and not direct them to call me. Also, if this is supposed to be a pretty significant schedule change, I would like a little discussion. If he doesn't want to discuss it, I would like to keep things the way they are. I've been nothing but accommodating thus far and have received nothing in return.

So what do I say? I would maybe call the lawyer to have him send an email to the Jerk, but I'm afraid it would take forever, as everything else does with those people.

I wouldn't email him. I would call his mom in the morning, and explain to her:

Look, I have no problem with you spending time with DS. You are his grandmother, and he loves you. I am fine with you picking him up today, but cannot make this a permanent Wednesday pick up without XH discussing it with me, and me knowing we are on the same page with this. Unfortunately he refuses to discuss it with me. After today, I hope you can work with XH to make sure you get to spend as much time with DS on his time as possible.

He doesn't want to discuss this with you? Fine. Things will remain as they are, and his mom will have to talk to him about visitation for now on, and he will have to discuss it with you. You cannot give her DS on his time without his approval. If he can't be civil, you can't ok the change.

My first thought was that you should direct his mom to call Jerk if she calls you, and then have him get in touch with you. But if you get along with his mom and don't want to rock that boat, I get it.

Why not keel the note short, sweet, and to the point?

Dear Jerk,

Going forward, please communicate all requested schedule changes via email at least 24 hours in advance, excepting emergencies. All changes need to be agreed upon and acknowledged by both parties prior to the change.

If you plan to utilize your mother as additional child are, please make those arrangements with her in advance and communicate them to me via email as indicated above.

Thank you.

ATN

^^ what she said. I'd be livid if the sad clown made arrangements for handovers with me with my mum.

She is not the parent. I am. I would not discuss any of it with XMIL. No matter how accommodating you're trying to be it will bite you in the arse.

"No good deed goes unpunished".

Lesson learned. Don't be so accommodating in future.

Thank you so much. You guys always have a way with words. I knew anything I wrote would have been too emotionally driven. I tweeked nekorb's suggestion and sent it this morning. I'll tell MIL pretty much what devistatedmom said so she knows it's not against her.

I would probably have gone with something like,

This email is to confirm per our discussion yesterday that your mother will handle Wednesday afternoon pickups until further notice. If you wish to discuss or dispute this, please let me know by Tuesday, April 22, 2014. If I do not hear from you, I will assume you understand and agree with this change, as you indicated via text on April 14.

In the future, all schedule changes should be handled directly between the two custodial parents, in writing, rather than involving non-custodial parties. I appreciate your cooperation in this matter.

Did the Jerk respond?