Thanks for your replies sooooo much!
Karmahappens I reckon you are right... We have a few days now (I am away on a business trip with DH) where we could bump into OW and if I see someone in the distance who looks remotely like her I start to panic but if we DID see her of course we would be ok. In a way it could be good if we did to confront the fear (although I don't want to!) We actually have already seen her post D day (7 weeks after) and it was horrible but we stuck together like glue and both felt afterwards (days afterwards) that we had benefited from seeing her and showing our solidarity.
Morhurt - a couple of things from your post were very interesting to me as I can relate to them a lot. Firstly, your DH being frustrated on the morning triggering you - I totally get this!! This has been a big problem for me since D day (or actually once the shock wore off post Dday) as if my DH is frustrated/cross/anxious about anything I trigger. During the A he was much more stressed and angry (he's not now but of course sometimes he gets anxious/angry/frustrated) Sometimes I think its because he is plotting something (like you and I both did the other day) but sometimes it's almost undefined what my actually thought process is, just the whole reminder of his state of mind makes me trigger and I go into a panic. This caused problems for me as I was and still do try to make it so his life has nothing in it that could possibly stress him. Totally unrealistic obviously!!!! Like I would find myself trying desperately to keep the kids calm in case they disturbed him, trying to make sure he wouldn't loose items or be late.
What is helping me a bit with this is recognising what I am doing and why and catching myself doing it and then thinking "oh i'm doing that again'. It is getting easier.
The other thing morthan is the whole texting thing being a trigger. I struggle if I use whatsapp and see my husband is "online" as this was how I found out about the affair and confronted him (when I saw he was online chatting to OW whilst at work).
By the way, later in the day yesterday I completely calmed down and felt much better. I had a nice day with my kids and DH when he came back to the hotel from work.
Hopefully today will be a brighter day for all of us.
x x x x