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Newest Member: silenceisnotgold (46036)

User Topic: Mediation
DepressedDaddy
♂ 41521
Member # 41521
Default  Posted: 7:58 AM, April 16th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WW and I are looking at options for our divorce. We have been amicable up to this point, so we were looking at the possibility of using a mediator to cut down on costs. Just wondering what others felt about using a mediator versus lawyers. Anybody go that route? Thoughts?


Since D I have become DDaddy 2.0 - or better known as DevotedDaddy

“Optimism is a strategy for making a better future. Because unless you believe that the future can be better, you are unlikely to step up and take responsibility for making it so."


Posts: 916 | Registered: Dec 2013
Merlin
♂ 30221
Member # 30221
Default  Posted: 9:39 AM, April 16th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mediation is a good way to go if things are amicable. It is much cheaper.

You should have an attorney review any and all proposed terms before you accept them.

Yes,your own attorney will cost a bit. But you should not pretend that you understand how divorce laws and settlements work. Penny-wise is not the way to go.

[This message edited by Merlin at 10:08 AM, April 16th (Wednesday)]


"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself." D. H. Lawrence

Her: WW/57 Me: BS/63 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11


Posts: 1164 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: East Coast
SeanFLA
♂ 32380
Member # 32380
Default  Posted: 10:29 AM, April 16th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Agreed ^^^ I know you don't want to spend the cash, but if something isn't done right you may find yourself back in an attorney's office again in the future paying to have it all fixed. If you are amicable agree to use one attorney for both of you to help with things. If you have a home to settle there are quit claim deeds that need to be done correctly. If there are 401Ks and IRA's things like rollovers and QRDOs need to be prepared and submitted to the courts for signing. If kids are involved there are parenting plans that need to be filed, stuff like that. There's more to it than you may think. If both of you have a serious falling out later the decisions you make now will have you legally bound for the rest of your existence.


BS(me) 48
WW 47
1 son 14 yrs old
Married 18 yrs, together 21 yrs

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." ~ Bob Marley


Posts: 1479 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Zombie Land
devistatedmom
♀ 24961
Member # 24961
Default  Posted: 4:48 PM, April 16th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We did our MSA with a mediator, but once it was written up I did pay a lawyer to look it over and make sure the legal jargon was proper, and that we didn't miss anything. Worth every penny to make sure he couldn't come back and claim half the house later. He couldn't be bothered to have a L read it; didn't want to spend the money. He whined about many things later, yet he was the one that just said yes to anything the mediator said. I'm the one that questioned things I didn't like.


BS(me) 46, Two wonderful teens.
He is no longer my best friend. Repeat until it sticks.

WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.


Posts: 5628 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Canada
StrongAlone
♀ 39564
Member # 39564
Default  Posted: 5:21 PM, April 16th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm doing mediation and we are not amicable but it's still going quite well. I would recommend 'directed mediation' though, then they have an agenda and go over everything bit by bit. Our document is very detailed and specific, 2 friends of mine who used lawyers were quite impressed by everything that we talked about. Be prepared to do research into certain places where they might not have much expertise though.

Pros and cons for both! best of luck.


Me (BS) 40 Him (WH, SA, covert NPD) 41
Married 8 years, 2 young kids
DD1-Right after engagement 2004
DD2-Email from OW 2008
DD3-2012-Him diagnosed with cancer, I thought we grew closer, he kept cheating.
Divorced

Posts: 130 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Canada
Topic Posts: 5

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