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First Aid for low self worth

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Helen of Troy posted 4/16/2014 08:54 AM

Do you ever have days where you feel like your life is a series of mistakes and screw ups? Having the feeling that everyone is pointing out your errors? Self worth taking a huge dip downward, as if you just can't do anything right.

What are some helpful things to do to boost yourself up again?

Amazonia posted 4/16/2014 09:00 AM

Positive self talk. (Seriously - go sit in your car an give yourself a pep talk outloud, focused on at least 10 things you have done right or that you like about yourself.)

Change of scenery. Get up, go for a walk, get fresh air, see something new, refocus your energy for ten minutes, and then start new.

Divide and concur until you succeed. If you feel like you're failing, you're probably overwhelmed, so break it down into manageable pieces and take care of them.

Chocolate.

SeanFLA posted 4/16/2014 09:46 AM

I decided to stop seeing the gf over exactly that. Seemed like her idea of a relationship was finding flaws in many things I did or am as a person, instead of appreciating my great traits. Whereas in her mind she never does anything wrong. Including never apologizing for anything she would say that hurt me even if I came straight out and told her. Became where all I did was walk on eggshells around her until the next bomb was to be dropped. I heard enough of my flaws from exWW when I discovered her A and she began the hard blameshifting. My self-esteem took enough of a toll and I'm not interested in being on that train anymore with anyone. So if you're not appreciative of what I do for you (and believe me I do a lot), then I cut you out of my life now and move on.

I want to be with someone who lifts me up, not dissects me and beats me down. Some people just don't get that. I can do bad all by myself thank you very much.

cmego posted 4/16/2014 09:50 AM

Exercise and chocolate. Counterintuitive, I know. But it works. For me, they bring good endorphins.

I remind myself how much I have accomplished.

nowiknow23 posted 4/16/2014 09:56 AM

Physical activity. A brisk walk usually helps me.

Music. Play something upbeat and empowering. A song that lifts you and makes you feel good.

Do one simple thing that you can't fail at - like a load of laundry, taking out the recycling, or paying a bill. Something that needs to get done and is easy. It will give you a little positive bump that you can build on.

norabird posted 4/16/2014 10:54 AM

Forgive yourself. When you have negative self-talk about your choices--stop and say, it's okay that I made this mistake. I forgive myself. I did the best I could. Now I have the chance to do even better going forward.

You deserve that gift. I really believe that accepting your path in life, with all of your errors included, and stopping beating yourself up about it pays huge dividends.

The past is past. Don't hold it over your head while trying to move forward.

LearningToRun posted 4/16/2014 11:50 AM

I generally check the calendar and recognize my monthly friend is about to make an appearance. There is a definite part of my cycle where i feel worthless and underwater. It passes.

fireproof posted 4/16/2014 12:15 PM

Get up and get a drink or take a break just for a few minutes and look at the sky. All this really doesn't matter life is about enjoyment and there will be mistakes.

When you are ready ask yourself is the criticism valid if not then disregard if you want to improve then make a plan.

Every moment is a fresh start!

Be good to yourself!

caregiver9000 posted 4/16/2014 13:29 PM

These are great generic ideas.

But you can also ask people who KNOW you in real life to write down three words, five words, your best trait, favorite memory, to describe YOU, the YOU that others see. Then read those. over and over and over. Post the words, next to some of your favorite pictures of you doing some pretty awesome things (parasailing???) and realize that HOLY HELL YOU ROCK!!!!

You are bright. You are witty. You are kind. You are humble. You are strong. You are one of the strongest people I know.

You are cute. You are healthy. You are adventurous, spunky, and funny. You have a great smile.

NOW. Go get some more and accept that it is truth.

We are so good at negative self talk. It takes conscious training to break that habit. Starting with other perspectives is a baby step to transitioning to positive self talk. YOU CAN DO IT!!

I am reminded of an exercise in psychology class I took a long time ago. Take a person and hammer them with criticism and ask them to resist pressure on a raised arm. They are physically weaker than when given praise and repeating the exercise. Whether the participant believes the compliments/criticism or not, the effect of the words is clear.

clralb posted 4/17/2014 17:10 PM

You are not alone. I have lots of times where I feel everything I do, touch, etc., just turns into a disaster.

Yes, a lot of times these feelings occur during my "monthly bill," but these feelings can be so damned depressing to the point where I do not know whether it's a good decision to purchase milk. It may spoil before I have time to drink it!!! Crazy.

No advice. I think everyone who has responded gave you some great ideas. Just wanted to let you know you're not alone. I'll be trying to practice some of these suggestions too.

mixedemotions posted 4/22/2014 16:37 PM

I found a saying on here a while back

"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or anxiety, check to be sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes."

Or something like that, may have misquoted a word or two. Are people really pointing out your errors or are you the one doing that? Either way, try to surround yourself with as much positivity as you can. If these people are coworkers or people you can't otherwise escape then develop an arsenal of happy things to offset their negative energy. Anything that makes you happy...pictures, quotes, smells, lotions, fuzzy slippers, etc.

It's amazing how my anxious personality and depressive symptoms released their grip when I released toxic people from my life (sometimes just symbolically in terms of not letting their energy zap mine anymore, or by getting better at boundaries so I didn't have to completely cut them out of my life) and that included my toxic relationship with myself. I stopped being as mean to myself as other people had been to me. I've screwed up. So what? We all have. I know I'll continue to make mistakes and will also continue to learn from them and to do some pretty great things too!

More concrete ways - exercise for endorphins, take in some fresh air, new hair cut, mani/pedi, listen to some feel good music, yoga, dance as silly as you can around your house, check in with an old friend...these all sound small and they are, they're not long lasting but can show you that you can feel good about yourself again, even briefly, and that might start the ball rolling. Also maybe join a volunteer group or do something that allows you to feel good about what you can do for your community?

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