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Angeles85 posted 4/16/2014 11:36 AM

Have any of you work with your ex after separation?
If so please give me some advice of how I can handle it. I have been working in the same company for 8 years now (he's been there 10) We are both very important for the company and our boss likes us both very much. He kind of knew about our relationship but never asked. It will be not easy for any of us to find a new job and getting paid the same as here. My economic situation after separation is not good, too many expenses. I'm going back to school this year and hopefully in a year I can find a good job...it is just SO HARD to see him everyday, some days he doesn't bother me but sometimes he starts talking about going back. Please help!!

BeHappyAgain posted 4/16/2014 14:56 PM

Hello! I work at the same company as my stbx; we have worked there together since 2002. I'm really worried about it. The gossip train will be running that's for sure. As hard as it is going to be, I'm going to keep my mouth shut and my head held high. :)

Angeles85 posted 4/16/2014 15:01 PM

Hello BeHappyAgain...I'm glad to know I'm not the only one. How long ago did you guys separated? It's been over 3 months for me and it is still very hard to see him everyday. Specially because we have to talk to each other at least once a day to plan the work schedule

BeHappyAgain posted 4/16/2014 16:10 PM

We've been separated 6 months. The fortunate part for me is that I can hide in my cube all day. :) we work in different areas but I run into him in the lunch room. I also have to present to groups of his peers which makes me really uncomfortable. He is near the executive level where we work, so the added pressure is that I can't really share too much of what is going on or he would be fired.....and I really can't afford to lose the child support right now.

Once I'm settled in my new life I intend to seek other employment.

devistatedmom posted 4/16/2014 17:07 PM

I get it would be difficult to have to see him everyday. Try making a challenge out of it:

You said you have to figure out the schedule each day with him. Can you email it to him, asking for input?

Keep every interaction as business and short as possible. Challenge yourself to speak as little as possible when you have to talk to him. Think of him as an acquaintance you don't really like but have to get through the discussion with. If it took 30 words today, see if you can down it to 28 tomorrow.

I don't know what your job is, but if you aren't interacting with the public or answering the phone constantly, can you put earphones on, and ignore him going by? Just concentrate on what you are working on?

If he stops by and wants to talk about the old days, or about possibly coming back, just say, "Sorry, I can't discuss that right now. I have work to finish." Then turn away and get back to work until he walks away.

Just find ways to interact as little as possible, and keep it TOTALLY business. Don't let him suck you in. It will get easier.

I'll give you a funny, if it might help. My XH and I both officiate a sport. The first time after Dday that we ended up at the first tournament, there was an elite level playing. The two of us were part of the crew of 4 the boss wanted doing this level. When we were discussing who would be working with who, my STBXH insisted to the boss that he would love to work with me. Boss looked at me, I said, whatever.

The players were confused as they knew we were Sep. Had a few questions there. I just kept reminding them they were so special, I was sucking it up for them.

In between two games, my STBXH sat there, rubbing his chest. I looked at him and asked what was wrong. He said he was having pains, thought maybe he was having a heart attack. I looked at him for about 10 seconds and told him to get up. What?!? he said? I said, Get up. If you died right now, NO ONE will believe I didn't do it. So get up and get your ass back out there. You can have your heart attack when you go home.

A couple of players heard this exchange. They laughed their way through the next game.

Angeles85 posted 4/16/2014 19:27 PM

Thanks for the advice! You are right, even thugh I yry to ignore him everytime he starts talking about "us" I will yry to ignore him and find ways to be distracted. This weeks is going really well bevause on Monday I talked to him straight to his face that talking "nice" to him was only because of work and that it was nothing more than that. I want to feel good at work so I have to be proffesional and see him as a coworker now if only he could do the same thing!!

Angeles85 posted 4/16/2014 19:29 PM

And by the way your story is really funny I can only imagine his face when you said that