I believe now that my reality is that to stay married I have to take the scary leap of trusting. If something triggers me, it often makes him feel controlled. For example, I don't think he is cheating, but if he goes to a dinner business meeting and I get triggered he gets upset. He knows he is not doing anything wrong. Two triggers occurred back to back last week that led him to feel hopeless about our future. He felt angry and said he has done too much damage to ever fix this.
For the record I don't often bring up triggers but did so last week after an mc session where I was told by him to feel safe bringing them up.
Anyway, too long to describe details now so I am just feeling that I will never get the empathic response I need to my triggers. He is doing many things right but I think this is the best he can be. It falls somewhat short of helping us heal.
Things have smoothed over after a horrible week. But I realize now this my be my reality. I wonder if this is R or just what I have to put aside to not D. For many reasons D is not what I want.