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SO is saying I'm making a mistake by leaving him

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idkam posted 4/16/2014 13:08 PM

Because he's always wanted the best for me, encouraged me, and had my back.....i guess he doesn't' think anyone else can do the same without lying to me when it suits him....

He may feel that my reason for leaving is good enough but to me it is a huge reason..

nowiknow23 posted 4/16/2014 13:13 PM

Because he's always wanted the best for me, encouraged me, and had my back.....
blah blah word salad

Your reasons don't have to pass some approval process with him. They are YOUR reasons. And that is all that matters.

idkam posted 4/16/2014 13:52 PM

Tank a NOW thats exactly what i said.... He said i will regret leaving him...the thing is i just want to be alone i want to worry about me for a change...

Whalers11 posted 4/16/2014 13:58 PM

Of course he's going to say that - what else do you expect him to say?

Pure manipulation.

idkam posted 4/16/2014 15:28 PM

Whalers so true....he said that he will pay my car note and insurance for as long as i need him too... I really want a smaller vehicle like the Kia Optima so i can start paying everything myself... I hate that he has something over my head....

devistatedmom posted 4/16/2014 17:21 PM

Then say no to the car thing. Go NC with him. You are right; you don't want him to have any power over you. Trust your gut on this one.

Nature_Girl posted 4/16/2014 17:33 PM

One of the ways I got love-bombed by my ex was him pulling the "I know you better than you know yourself" card. I now know it's evil manipulation, designed to get you to doubt yourself and surrender your better judgment for theirs.

It's a trap. You need to GTF away from him.

idkam posted 4/17/2014 12:10 PM

Thanks for your responses...

He called me this morning when i got to work... He was balling and asked me not to leave.... Normally he would text me but i guess he wanted me to hear him crying....he asked if we could talk after the cable guy leaves tonight... I said sure....

I'm a little dumb founded.....Each time i found out he lied to me i told him i was tired of his lies.. I also told him his lies will be the detriment of our relationship... so I'm not sure why he 's so surprised that i want to leave him....

Undefinabl3 posted 4/17/2014 12:17 PM

he asked if we could talk after the cable guy leaves tonight... I said sure....

Please, you just need to unplug the Hoover and put that shit in the closet.

He doesn't want to talk, he wants to guilt you into all the reasons why he needs you to stay.

I would be willing to bet my left arm, leg, and 3rd born that the converation will not consist of anything close to selfless apologies or heartfelt plans to change his actions to become a better person for you to be with.

Get off the ride girl, find one that is actually worth your time and energy - he has proven he is not the right one.

idkam posted 4/17/2014 12:25 PM

Thanks for your responses...

He called me this morning when i got to work... He was balling and asked me not to leave.... Normally he would text me but i guess he wanted me to hear him crying....he asked if we could talk after the cable guy leaves tonight... I said sure....

I'm a little dumb founded.....Each time i found out he lied to me i told him i was tired of his lies.. I also told him his lies will be the detriment of our relationship... so I'm not sure why he 's so surprised that i want to leave him....

Nature_Girl posted 4/17/2014 12:25 PM

He called me this morning when i got to work... He was balling and asked me not to leave.... Normally he would text me but i guess he wanted me to hear him crying....he asked if we could talk after the cable guy leaves tonight... I said sure....

OMG. Okay. Just know in advance that some people use tears & sobs to manipulate. I didn't know this back then. So when my ex used these weapons I completely fell for them. I thought that if a M-A-N was sobbing so hard that snot & spittle were pouring from his nose & mouth, he must truly be having genuine feelings for me. Only that wasn't the truth. I simply wanted it to be.

Please don't be me.

idkam posted 4/17/2014 12:40 PM

Oops double post sorry...

Undefined & nature thanks for your response...

Undefined:I'm so not falling for any of this because he is full shit...lol....

Nature: he sound really sad... but what kind of woman would i be to stay with someone who i know has/is lying to me? Thats one of the things i I will say to him.....

I really do not want shack up with him anymore ...i want to be alone and do my own thing.... I do not feel a physical or emotional connection to him anymore....

Nature_Girl posted 4/17/2014 12:54 PM

I hope you stay strong & maintain your resolve. I wasn't able to stay that strong, especially when he would start playing the suicide card while sobbing. "I guess I'm just such a complete fuck up, the world would be better off without me" would get me every. single. time.

Forewarned is forearmed. If I knew then what I know now, I would have and should have called 911 the first time he said that stuff to me & had the men in white coats take him away. Which is what you should do if he makes ANY kind of suggestion tonight that he shouldn't be alive. Don't even tell him first, just dial 911 and let the mental health professionals deal with him.

idkam posted 4/17/2014 13:42 PM

NH good ideal...

ButterflyGirl posted 4/17/2014 14:06 PM

Nature: he sound really sad... but what kind of woman would i be to stay with someone who i know has/is lying to me? Thats one of the things i I will say to him.....

You'd be a wise woman to not care that he sounds sad. He's not letting you think for yourself or respecting your decisions.

Stop thinking you can set him straight. The new normal is "no more seeing each other." That should start immediately.

Manipulation is soooooo much easier in person. Don't even test yourself..

wildbananas posted 4/17/2014 14:17 PM

Forewarned is forearmed. If I knew then what I know now, I would have and should have called 911 the first time he said that stuff to me & had the men in white coats take him away. Which is what you should do if he makes ANY kind of suggestion tonight that he shouldn't be alive. Don't even tell him first, just dial 911 and let the mental health professionals deal with him.

THIS.

ex-asshat was the king of that as well. He was always threatening to drive off a cliff or some such. After months of this (we weren't S for the final time yet), I finally lost my cool and yelled at him "If you're going to do it, just do it already! The suspense is killing me!" Not my finest moment for sure but I was so beat up emotionally by that point, I couldn't take anymore.

One time, he stayed in bed and cried for 19 hours straight. Yes, NINETEEN. I really should have called 911 at that point but I didn't want to freak out the bunch, so I finally took them and left the house for a bit.

NC. Seriously. It's the only thing that will save you and your sanity.

NeverAgain2013 posted 4/17/2014 15:09 PM

All these asshats say the same thing as we're walking out the door singing a happy tune and thanking our lucky stars that we're leaving.

Strangely enough, they're usually ALSO the same asshats in the beginning of a relationship that tell you, "I'M different. I'm not like all the other guys who screwed you over. You'll see."

My ass.

idkam posted 4/17/2014 15:43 PM

Thanks for the responses...

Butterflies: we still live together so i cant go no contact just yet....

OMG!! Nanners 19 hours of crying.. he cheated on you and now he wanted you to feel sorry for him? Woooow!!
I guess my SO really thought i was blowing smoke but as i told him before i can show him better than i can tell him....

I like the quote "forewarned is forearmed"....

momentintime posted 4/17/2014 16:17 PM

Just let HIM talk. You don't have to defend yourself or respond to what he is saying. In fact, when he gets quiet and wants you to fill the gap, say...."are you done? Need to get some laundry done." Should show him how much you care about his views.

idkam posted 4/17/2014 20:32 PM

Thanks for you responses...
Moment: i wish i had read your response before we talked... Here's what happened:

i got back from the gym he was sitting on the couch after i showered and grabbed my food i asked him what did he want to talk about?....he started saying after our email exchange yesterday he started thinking about things and last night he couldn't really sleep then this morning it just hit him and he doesn't want me to leave..(tears) so i asked him what did he want me to do? I said you knew how i felt when you lied to me, i told you how it made me feel but you didn't care about how i felt...he said there are some things you found out and some things you didn't i did not want to upset you so i did't tell you...i told him i can take care of myself as i told you many of times you try to control the outcome instead of letting things happen.... I told him I'm a little surprised that you're crying because i told you your lying was going to be the detriment of our relationship....i told him he made me feel worthless when he lied to me about things that he didn't have to lie about ...i said you lied about the house being your but it isn't, his 3 sons having the same mother but they do not, having a chicken farm but you don't, his brother father was his biological father but he isn't,....

I told him i want to be by myself he asked why and i said i just do... I said i no longer want to shack up... He asked if i want to see someone else ... I said really... Don't try to put this on me i wouldn't mess over you and he said but you are messing over me because you won't give me another chance... I said i gave you plenty of chances so don't pull that with me ok....he got up and left the room, i thought he went to the restroom.. I waited about 10 minutes and walked to the back and he was in bed so i asked him is he finished talking and he said yes....

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