Madhatters - We have R'd.
If we communicated in the relationship in the honest way we have done since I don't think that this could have happenned
Do you mean the A wouldn't have happened if you and your wife had been able to communicate in this way before you stepped out on her?
If that's what you mean then I, gently, call bullsnot on it. Your A has nothing to do with communication between you and your wife. It's all to do with own inability to communicate your feelings and make good choices.
Dday was in December, right? It's too soon so I'd say it was part of the rollercoaster. Ride it with her, keep doing the work, have patience, demonstrate your love for her through actions. Keep going, don't give up or second guess her.
Chin up. Unwavering. Fight. We can do this.