A quick back story on my situation is this. My wife and I married three years after we had our first daughter. We started off rocky and young. We have been together for 15 years and married for 10. I am 37 and she is 36. About 7 months aog I noticed many changes in my wife that had me looking closely at a possible emotional affair between my wife and a married neighbor man. I confided in my married neighbor across the street about the struggles going on. Long story short, my wife had asked the married man across the street to "Come F*ck her" and he played along with it. She even disappeared to a bar with him at 1 in the morning and didn't come back till 3, or at least that is how the story goes. I couldn't even get the truth until I bluffed her into the bar piece. They both claim they were just drunk with the sexting and it was a silly joke - nothing more than that. The guy's wife had confided in my months prior that she believed they were having an affair because of their constant social media play with each other. In fact, she was the one that found the texts, but there was only that string of texts. Both my wife and the married man claim that is the only time that happened, but I fear there is more.
We have gone to a therapist for our issues, but that has all stopped, as we are working on our M and the bills for the therapist were really adding up. It has been two months since I have looked at her phone and I see that she feels complacent in our relationship again, as I have settled back into a role of focusing on myself and my two DD while not obsessing and smothering her like I was in the investigation stage. I am planning on asking to view her phone tonight to feel that things are moving in the right direction and to confirm there is nothing left to hide. I assume she is not actively trying to hide things, because of her peception of my complacency.
Tonight will be kind of be a day of reconning for me and I can see only two possible outcomes of me asking for her phone. One would be her just giving me the phone and unlocking it for me to take a peak and I see nothing - whether she has skillfully deleted everything or not will be something I will have no idea of. The second option is that she gets angry that I ask to see the phone and she tries to divert attention back to me as being a problem.
Any ideas out there on how to handle either response? I am trying my best to move things forward, but I really need some confirmation that the nonsense between her and our neighbor is over. I still hurt so much and assume there is something more than I know.